My POV character is in a post-apoc setting with nobody else around. A little girl emerges from some undergrowth, and they end up having a conversation and starting to get to know each other. He asks why she is on her own, and she says she is an orphan. He doesn't understand what it means, and thinks that because it sounds like "awful" it must mean the same thing. He asks here if that's why she's alone, because she's awful. I'm considering deliberately misspelling the word "orphan" so it reflects what he hears and understands, like this. I quite like the way the misspelling alludes to his misunderstanding. But does this work as a reader?
I think that works. I will say that at least in my accent, the R in 'orphan' is more pronounced, but I'd get that for him to confuse the two, she must be de-emphasizing it and using a broader O sound than comes naturally to me. Could trip some people up. Up to you whether it's worth it.
I think it works fine. I wouldn't put in quite so much explanation of his thought process, but I realize you didn't ask about that. Also, you should know that "orphan", "often" is a thing in Pirates of Penzance, and you're likely to make people think of that if you choose that word for your misunderstanding. (copied from some web page) General: I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan? King: Often! General: Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one? King: I say, often. Pirates: (disgusted) Often, often, often. (Turning away) General: I don’t think we quite understand one another. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan, and you say “orphan”. As I understand you, you are merely repeating the word “orphan” to show that you understand me. King: I didn’t repeat the word often. General: Pardon me, you did indeed. King: I only repeated it once. General: True, but you repeated it. King: But not often. General: Stop! I think I see where we are getting confused. When you said “orphan”, did you mean “orphan” – a person who has lost his parents, or “often”, frequently? King: Ah! I beg pardon – I see what you mean – frequently. General: Ah! you said "often", frequently. King: No, only once.
Thanks @ChickenFreak ! There is a reason why I’m showing so much of his thought process, but I’ll consider whether it’s necessary. I had never heard of that in the Pirates of Penzance. I don’t know whether it matters if people associate it with that. Do you think it does?
It's not a bad thing, it's just a potential distraction. If this were, for example, a terribly critical terribly serious moment, you probably wouldn't want the distraction of a comic association. But it doesn't sound like that's the situation.
@ChickenFreak No it's not a terribly serious scene, and actually she is quite amused by his misunderstandings. So it probably wouldn't matter if the reader made the connection. Thanks @Trish. I really enjoyed writing this scene so I'm glad it works
Would it work if she were given a speach impediment? What if it were a different language for orphan that sounded similar? When I think of post-apoc settings I usually think it would be similar to how I grew up and where I live as far as language goes. There are a spattering of languages spoken and it is common to get multiple languages in a single sentence. It could introduce a learning/growing experience, a conflict to be resolved between two characters, and could be a small sub-plot that runs through the story.
No, that’s not the point I’m making. He didn’t mishear it because of the way she said it. He just didn’t know the meaning of the word.
Thanks! I'm really happy to hear you like it, as it's pretty typical of the style of dialogue throughout
Personally, I would think that 'orphan' would be a very common word in post-apoc due to how many people would die for various reasons. I would expect the exchange to be followed by something like "Oh, a (blank), that's what we call us/them/you people".
The fact that it's post-apoc is only one detail of this particular exchange. There are reasons why he doesn't know the meaning of the word which weren't relevant to the question I was asking.
It's a little girl, so she pronounces it 'awfun' but because he doesn't know that word (or the word orphan), he assumes she means awful. Both of my kids would have pronounced it awfun when they were little so I don't find it hard to believe at all.
It's not me doing it, it's Mashers. I just thought maybe you missed part of it. Everything doesn't work for everyone.
I get what you are trying to communicate. If you like it, do it. I think most people would make the connection with a good set up. Just my thoughts.
Bear in mind that I am English, not American. We pronounce these words very similarly. The first syllables, “aw” and “or” are identical, because the vowel is the same and we don’t pronounce the “r”. The second syllable differs only by the final consonant. If you transcribed the two words phonetically, they would differ only by the last sound.
I don’t know why, but I didn’t see this response. I think I clicked the notification for Chicken’s reply, but because this forum marks notifications as read as soon as you open the tab, I didn’t see this one. Sorry, I wasn’t ignoring you. As I said above, I am English and am writing characters with English accents. An ‘r’ after a vowel isn’t pronounced at all in my accent, and it lengthens the vowel so it’s the same as ‘aw’.
Yup, I figured you must be from pronunciation context, and even knowing nothing about the author I think I'd probably realize a book wasn't in AmE (bound to be some extra Us or Ss where I'd put Zs etc), so I don't think it'd be a big deal. But my original point that it wouldn't necessarily click for everyone has already been demonstrated! The context of the rest of the novel being in BrE might entirely solve the problem, to be fair.
Is there any way I can ensure the reader knows that the characters are English, and should therefore be read as such? Not so much for this particular issue, but more generally, they are intended as English and I would like for them to be read as such. I don’t want to actually say it explicitly, and am not a fan of using real place names. So I’m not sure how I can do it.
If they're not explicitly in the UK, have them use appropriate Britishisms in thought+dialogue? If I was trying to convey someone's Southern-ness that's what I'd do. Wait, I have literally done that. I mean, as long as it's not over the top, that'd probably work.
Hmm, would that seem stereotyped though? I mean, I don't want them all to be Hugh Grant and Russel Brand and Barbara Windsor. I think I'd find it hard to get the balance right. At the moment I'm writing them how it feels natural, and I don't want to force it. Maybe my own Englishness will come across in the way I write them.
Fer shure. I reckon the thing t'do is prolly lookit stuff at overdoesit, an then go, "Well I'm not gunna do that." ... I'd pull up the wip where I tried to make it clear someone was pretty hick without stating it, to see if I could come up with any translatable ideas, but I'm on mobile and it's too late to get back on my laptop. But I know that you don't come across as overtly English in forum conduct, at least. Not sure if that carries over to writing style. I don't think my narrative voice 'sounds' Southern, but now I'm wondering.
