1. marlenadia

    marlenadia New Member

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    Romance Developing Physical Attraction

    Discussion in 'By the Genre' started by marlenadia, Jul 22, 2019.

    I’m writing a love story between friends, who don’t know the truth of how the other feels. In the POV of the female, she begins to notice her male friend during a shirtless encounter. She had moments before this that she talked herself out of but she can’t deny his bare chest and abs.

    Trying to expand the description of his handsome features while shirtless. I have ‘tanned chiseled abs’ but I would like to play off it more. She’s quite demure so her reaction of staring and blushing is no trouble at all. His physique just needs more when I write about it. One line won’t do it for me.

    Thank you!
     
  2. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Maybe concentrate on what she's actually seeing and thinking about. "Tanned chiseled abs" gives us the name of what she's looking at, the same way "a big red nose" might do, or "crooked yellow teeth," but maybe get more into what she's actually thinking about when she looks at him.

    Does this sight make her want to watch those muscles in action lifting stuff? Or maybe she imagines he could be lifting her? Or does she notice how his muscles stretch and move as he reaches for something? Is there a difference in the colour of his skin (maybe parts that aren't tanned?) Is his physique a bit of a surprise? If he's always worn baggy shirts and sweatshirts, maybe it is. Or, if they've known each other for years, maybe since they were children, he has probably recently changed. She might be able to compare what she's seeing now with what she was used to in the past. Teenage boys change VERY fast sometimes. Or maybe she could compare him to somebody famous (that everybody knows) ...Rafael Nadal, or somebody like that.

    Pretend you are her. What do 'you' actually SEE? And how does that make 'you' feel? And how do your feelings make you react? And what about him? Is he oblivious to her noticing, or is he maybe deliberately showing off a bit?

    Don't be afraid to over-write here. Lay it on thickly. Get everything down that you can think of. Later on you can go back and pare it down. But give yourself something to work with.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2019
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  3. RobinLC

    RobinLC Active Member

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    WEelcome to the forum,

    I also read and write romance. I think what you need to do is delve more into her feelings regarding him being shirtless. A physical description is fine but it doesn't tell me if she is apprehensive, excited, shy, what is her reaction to seeing it and what is his reaction? Why does seeing him bare-chested make the attraction undeniable?
     
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  4. marlenadia

    marlenadia New Member

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    These are all really good points! They’ve known each other since they were kids but her best friend keeps pushing the idea of her getting together with her male friend. Is there another way to say “chiseled abs”?
     
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  5. suddenly BANSHEES

    suddenly BANSHEES Senior Member

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    "Well-defined" or "toned" would work here, too.

    As for her reaction, I agree with what others are saying. It's not so much about how he looks as what she feels seeing him this way. This is her long-time best friend - I'd imagine her reaction to seeing him is different, then, say, some equally-ripped shirtless jogger on the street, or a billboard of a male model in his underwear. (Unless that's just the kinda character she is. In which case, all I can say is, Get it, girl.)
     
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  6. marlenadia

    marlenadia New Member

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    Thanks!!! Yeah she’s never seen him this way before.
     
  7. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    There are plenty of other ways to say 'chiseled abs.' My mother would never have looked at a guy and thought 'chiseled abs.' In fact, she would have had to ask what the heck are 'abs.' I know what 'chiseled abs' are because I've seen the term being used. But it's not a term I would use myself when I see a guy with a muscular upper body (and I've seen my fair share of them.) In fact, in my day, somebody with a body like that would be built like a brick shithouse. :) Poetic, I know, but time marches on.

    Unless you want your character to be the sort who thinks in slangy clichés —which will definitely date her AND the story—try to get away from that sort of label. Instead of labeling his upper body with a slang term—unless that's exactly what your character thinks when she sees them—OMG, chiseled abs! A brick shithouse!—attempt to describe them instead. And, as others have pointed out, concentrate on what the sight of them does to your character—whether she would actually say 'chiseled abs' (or brick shithouse) or not.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2019
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  8. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll "It's a messy business." :P Supporter Contributor

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    :superidea:
    [​IMG]
    "Call me the grater, cause you can grate cheese on me, baby." :supergrin:

    I think you need to decide more on how muscular he should be, cause not all slabs of man muscle
    are the same. Some are like the above pictured, but more are not quite so defined, but none the less
    still quite solid.
    SexySoldier.jpg

    So maybe take some time seeing what they could possibly look like, and try to define the body
    to the best of your abilities. It takes hard work and dedication to create a body that is so defined
    by musculature, and deserves to be described in way that does it justice. Chiseled is so mundane,
    when you think about how many have already used such a common descriptor. Carved by hours
    of pain, dedication, and perseverance to physical enhancement, sounds much more interesting. (IMHO). :p
    Good Luck. :superidea:
     
  9. Baeraad

    Baeraad Active Member

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    It might help to describe him moving, too. Most of the descriptions of hot men written by women I've read have been about the guy doing something, and how the muscles move beneath his skin, and how comfortably he's using his body.
     
  10. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Yep. Exactly.
     
  11. LoaDyron

    LoaDyron Contributor Contributor

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    Hello, friend. :superhello:

    Put yourself in your female protagonist shoes and try to feel and see what she's thinking. Maybe the muscular body of her friend reminds her of something? A single movement from his chest, will make her body shiver? Tremble maybe? Perhaps he used to have a different shape (slim for example), and now he has this fit body. What will come first to her mind? Does he like him more now? Or not soo much? I will focus more on the emotions of your MC.

    I hope this helps. Keep on good work and have fun. :superagree:
     
  12. marlenadia

    marlenadia New Member

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    I just wanted to say this all helped me so much! Thank you everyone!
     
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