My book is, briefly, written from two perspectives. It is appropriate to use the same dialog in two separate sections, his and hers? I.e. (his perspective) Seeing her as she walked through the lobby, heading toward the parking garage door, I smiled at her as she stopped, adjusting her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll be back again tonight, I just checked on your mom before I left, and she’s sleeping comfortably.” “I want to thank ye for caring for my mum. She has had nothing but good things to say, not only about the care she’s gotten in general, but you in particular.” She blushed a little, and I’d wanted to say more, but I didn’t. I held her gaze a moment longer and said “See you tonight, then. Sleep well, Saiorse.” (Her perspective) As she neared, he looked at her with a winsome smile, the warmth of it seeming to charge the very air around her. He had a dimple on the right, giving him an aura of mischief. Adjusting her bag, she tried not to show how much he affected her and casually told him that she’d be back that night. “I want to thank ye for caring for my mum. She has had nothing but good things to say, not only about the care she’s gotten, but you in particular.” She blushed a little, not knowing what to say. Ian regarded her, the muscles in his jaw twitching and his gaze thoughtful, but all he said was “See you tonight, then. Sleep well, Saiorse” I probably need to develop "his" a little more, as "hers" is more descriptive. Thanks in advance~ Tapadh leat
A couple of things come to mind but, hey, your post is only up 10 minutes and I'm going quick as I can. Firstly, should it be Saoirse? I've not seen that spelling before. Second, the differing perspectives seem interesting to me but I'd suggest a variation in the dialogue. Same as they perceive events differently, I'd suggest they hear and remember dialogue with differing emphasis and interpretation. Otherwise, no comment as a very short excerpt. Quick enough? Tog bog e.
That device of repetition seems fine here - the attention to detail of them remembering the dialogue slightly differently is good. I guess it depends on how close together the two sections are - so long as the reader's attention survives the jump backwards in time to relive the same scene from the other perspective it should be fine to re-use some of the dialogue. I suppose it might start to feel strange to be reading long dialogues over again, and any subtle differences might not get picked up. The summarizing/compression you have at "casually told him that she’d be back that night" seems like the right general approach, with just enough word-for-word repetition to keep the reader aware it's the same scene. If it was shorter than these 4-5 lines, there might not be enough for the reader to realise it's the same scene. This seems like it will be a good balance.
Yes, actually, you are right. I have had several instances where my fingers type faster than my editing skills, and I don't catch them.
Would I be better served by perhaps having her recall the dialogue but not quote it? as in ~He thanked her for taking care of his mum and the good things Moira had said, blushing as he added "you in particular."
I'd suggest it's something to leave as it is for now - because on the readthrough for revising the 1st draft up to the 2nd draft it will be easier to have those details all in place and edit them out if they read strangely.
The swapping perspective doesn't really do anything here. If anything, I'd add a bit more on what one of the perspectives notices of the other and let the reader infer. The reader is both smarter than you think, and also often lazier. They can infer a lot of things from very quick images and signs. They also tend to start skimming whenever they see redundancies. Repeated dialogue is something reserved for climactic, pivotal scenes that tend be brought back from the beginning to a right central plot position at the climax. They make for a good narrative turn by placing opposition on the accepted dialogue of the past and take the story on an important new turn. This doesn't seem to do that. I would remove one of the perspectives and, if you must refer to something specific in that original conversation, mention that conversation in a quick one-line passing that keeps moving forward. Reiterated dialogue is a pace killer.
@EFMingo The piece I quoted here is only one of a handful of instances so far where that happens. The scenes are in two separate chapters. We will see if they end up in later drafts. I appreciate any and all input and suggestions
In two separate chapters can create even more of a problem as well sa the narrative timeline is now broken. Non-linear narratives do have many purposes and uses, but they can easily run awry is you don't reign them in to particular moments or have a focus. Not saying the work isn't doing this already well, but if you jump back and forth between chapters in time and between characters, this can be an area of confusion. Just letting you know. I love non-linear narratives, but they are a beast to write.
There is a little jumping around, but for the most part they run parallel, his perspective and hers (third person though, hoping I can make that work) The very beginning is the backstory, 26 years prior. I'm hoping to be able to share some of it here, and see what others say.
