Do You Gossip?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Heather Louise, Sep 4, 2008.

  1. Palimpsest

    Palimpsest New Member

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    I can talk about a person with other people, when the person in question isn't present. Technically, that's talking about them behind their backs. Most recently it went something like:
    1: "Person A's boyfriend, Person B, is totally breaking her spirit."
    2: "I know! I hate him-- he did that to his ex, Person C, and it kind of scares me that A is beginning to act like C when C was dating B. And we all know how C was like then. C's so much better off without him, if only A would learn! I'm always telling her, 'moth to flame!'"
    1: "Hey, B was pretty cool until he started dating. If B has some issues with his mother or whatever to work out, I just wish he wouldn't work it out on poor innocent A."
    3: "A just thinks if she loves him enough, she can change him. Isn't that why most girls date jerks? 'Cause they want to be special enough to make lasting improvements on someone?"
    1: "In this case, A's just being a masochist. I'm tearing my hair out listening to her cry and then snipe at me for suggesting she can do better!"
    3: "Blah. Me too, dur. If she doesn't want to listen to us and grow a spine, we can't make her."
    2: "Hee! 'Listen to us and grow a spine' isn't that a contradiction. Have you heard from C? How's she doing at her new job?"
    ... for some reason, I'm fine with that. Sure, we presume telepathy: "she thinks" "he thinks" -- but (my excuse) we do read deeper into it than can be personal (why do people in general get into these relationships that aren't good for them?) and it isn't some secret conspiracy because A knows that we don't like her with B, B knows that we don't like B with A, though the specifics don't leave the room. If there's fallout, we'll be there with tissues, but not actually BEING any fraction of the A&B couple, our business in it is extremely limited. Not null, though, because she tells us every excruciating detail about it but doesn't want advice. We can vent, but ultimately that's all we do.

    I think if it went something like:
    1: "Person A's boyfriend, Person B, is totally breaking her spirit."
    2: "I know! I hate him. Do you hate him? What do you think about him?" (squarely putting 1 On The Spot)
    1: "Um... I think he has some issues to work out with his mother that he's working out on A when she doesn't deserve it?"
    2: "I'll bet he does. What about his mother have you heard?"
    1: "Nothing-- it's just a reference to pop psychology."
    3: "I heard from C, you remember-- B's ex? That B's mother is nasty."
    2: "Maybe it was only to C. We all know what she was like then."
    (Laughter as we all remember self-injury C, who swore us to secrecy and then got over it. One week later, C and 2 get into a fight because C heard a rumor that she was supposed to be medicated, and traced it back to 2's remark. These things grow.)
    3: "No, seriously, I heard B's mother..." (string of outlandish anecdotes that we all know isn't true, but--)
    1&2: (squealing) "Oh, no, she di-in't!"
    (Six months later, B's mother's reputation takes a faint patina of slanderous claims and, while she doesn't have to leave town or anything, it's difficult to get people who can trust her-- because even people who don't spread rumors can hear rumors and take them into account. Which can be wrong, sorry Banzai!)
    2: So what do you think of B now?
    3: Yeah, no way he could have grown up normal. What do you think?
    (roasting in the joint radiation of their expectant stares)
    1: (giving in) Yeah... you know... I thought B was a pretty cool guy-- just not as half of a couple, because he just gets neurotic that way-- but it's pretty clear now that he's just a freak!
    3: We have got to get A away from that freak! (Or maybe 3 doesn't actually say this, and it isn't officially decided, it's just... when you're that confident in your paradigm, how else can you express it but insinuating yourself in what's none of your business?)

    (One year or so later, both A and 1 are properly cowed and have forgotten how to form an opinion of their own and defend it. B, made a social pariah in school, has made new friends outside their circle who all hate women and especially those venomous harpies B talks about. C and B's parents have that terrible rumor-mill bread taste in their mouths that lasts the rest of their lives, and 2&3 spontaneously combust as punishment for their wicked ways. Hey, it's my hypothesis.)
    ...that would be on the bad end of the gossip spectrum.

    I've tried zero-tolerance, too, and it worked out for me ...

    "Hmph. Maggie's such a flirt--"
    "Stop! I plug my ears and say 'lalala' loudly!" (That's me.)
    "--oh. You must like her."
    "She was the first person to ask how I was in this new school and show me around. I think she's great." (Not what I wanted to say, although it was considerate of her it wasn't heroically great-- I just wasn't courageous enough, yet, to tell the gossip, "No, I just don't want to talk bad about people like YOU relish so much!" because she had really bad self-esteem. Am I gossiping about her right now?)

    ... and then it doesn't work out so well.

    "Did you know? Molly's sick--"
    "Stop! I plug my ears and say 'lalala' loudly!"
    "-- with cancer, you heartless b****."

    "How come you haven't asked how Molly's doing?"
    "... didn't want to gossip? Gossip is talking about people... yes?"
    "You just don't care about anybody else but your self and your hight-faluting philosophies, do you! So the suffering of another human being is just boring to you, that you never ask about it??"

    Huh. How about that. You're never uncared for if somebody gossips about you. Confusing thing, society. :mad:
     
  2. tehuti88

    tehuti88 New Member

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    I don't tend to gossip for the most part because I'm terribly self-centered and not much interested in other people's lives, except in how they affect mine! :redface:

    Seriously though, I just find it all so dull. Who cares what somebody else is doing in their private time? I don't. And so much gossip is so judgemental, I just tend to wonder more about the people doing the gossiping, than about the subjects of the gossip--what do they get out of talking about other people like that? Like they're so much better? The very act of their gossip makes them look even worse than the people they're gossiping about. Kind of backfires on them.

    There are exceptions when I find gossip interesting, but they're rare and, well, exceptional. It's not good to be so self-absorbed, but at least it keeps me out of the trouble gossip tends to bring.
     
  3. Still Life

    Still Life Active Member

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    I am gossiped about a lot, but I don't gossip much. I don't like to, but I find it amusing when other people do and I overhear (and know it to be extremly exaggerated), or if it happens in movies. Usually I'll keep mum about my personal feelings to other people, though I love to tell stories about my mother and sister, or people in my office.

    They're pretty much aware of my (not so tall) tales, so I'm not sure it counts as gossip.
     
  4. Heather Louise

    Heather Louise Contributor Contributor

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    I think it rather unfair to judge people by the fact they gossip because I am veyr sorry to tell you this, but everyone does it. Do you not gossip about atricles on the news about the man arrested for murder, or the war in Iraq and what you have heard about it, or about what some celebrity is up to at that moment, because I would put my life on it that everyone indulges in a little gossip from time to time. Not all gossip is malicious, simply swapping stories with other.

    I have made it a goal recently to make sure I do not indulge in the sort of gossip that hurts people, the sort of things that are spread behind their back. I am failing miserably, but I am attmepting as yes, some kinds of gossip are mean and uncalled for. However, some people also ask for it; if they put information out into the open for everyone to hear, why are they suprised when people do actually talk about it?
     
  5. Eoz Eanj

    Eoz Eanj Contributor Contributor

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    Dont worry Heather

    I love to gossip, it's quite okay

    however

    it's when gossip crosses into bitching

    that I draw the line
     
  6. Lemex

    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I've only had one thing that was spread about me, and it was awful. I will not say was it was, as it is simply sick. Aside from that I don't care for gossip. The only thing really said about me amoung friends, and that I actually care about, is that I have Bipolor disorder. If anything else is said about me, I couldn't care less.

    I only think of gossip as something between friends though.
     
  7. Aurora_Black

    Aurora_Black New Member

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    I agree. Usually anyone that isn't among my buddies I could care less about. However cold-hearted that may sound :eek:
     
  8. Heather Louise

    Heather Louise Contributor Contributor

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    Nah I know what you mean. People have said some stuff about me over the years, and I just think that as long as I know what I'm like, and that my mates love me, it doesn't matter.
     
  9. Speedy

    Speedy Contributor Contributor

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    IMO, theirs gossip talk, where people talk about crap to get their voice accross to me to just be heard, like a bumble bee zooming around and nothing more. There is just people that i know that i can judge (i have to work with them), cause they surround me in small spaces. And i can sit down and eat lunch and not say a word and after 30 minutes they havent touched any of there lunch cause they havent shut their trap for all that time.

    I know its fact people do it (i just did it by telling you about people i know) doesnt mean i have to like it, or care for it and them and their boring time wasting)

    The only person i gossip to on a regular basis is my lover, because i guess thats part of a relationship, but its bias, i love her ;)

    The only other time i gossip is if i've had a few drinks and im with friends, but im generally to numb to hold it in. Otherwise im the silenttype.

    Sorry i felt like a rant, im bored.
     
  10. ChevyGurl

    ChevyGurl New Member

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    No, when I'm in class and the two girls next to me are talking about other people the whole time it really aggravates me. I just wanna scream, "Who cares?!" talking about your weekend fine, your friends party whatever, but talking about someone else who isn't there to defend themselves is just low. I dunno, I hope they grow out of it. Sucks being the oldest kid in the class.
     
  11. Little Miss Edi

    Little Miss Edi New Member

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    I don't gossip. Don't see the point really, who actually cares what someone may or may not have done, does or doesn't think (possibly), does or doesn't like (again possibly).

    It's mostly inaccurate and can be hurtful, really hurtful on occasions, and the people doing the gossiping don't get anything out of it. Apart from what?, the chance to sneer or laugh or gasp at something someone else who may not even have done/said/thought/worn/entertained the notion of... whatever it is. Think about what that says about the gossiper as a person.

    If you really want to know about someone's life, take the time to ask them about it. :p
    We're in the business of story telling here; we're better off when we invest time into other people's stories. :rolleyes:

    That's my opinion :)
     
  12. Kylie

    Kylie New Member

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    I don't gossip. I've seen really bad results (firsthand) from it and believe me, it's not a good idea. It's simply a waste of time.
     
  13. Eoz Eanj

    Eoz Eanj Contributor Contributor

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    I find that to be the most appealing quality of gossiping

    lol
     
  14. tarnished

    tarnished Contributor Contributor

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    Personally, I find no use for it.
    Amongst many schools the new gossiping trend is;
    " I think soandso is gay"
    I never, ever will take part in that. I think that speculating about sometimes life/choices in completely unnecessary, and I don't particularly want to know unless the person tells me. I think gossip can usually only end up in hurt feelings- it's unnecessary.
     

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