Okay an idea I have for a plot is that the main character saves a sex slave and kills her pimp now this isn't where the trouble ends he ends up with a mafia hit squad coming after him that consists of about thirty people. Now here's my question does that sound believable? Also would the mob really bother to do something like that over one girl and one thug? I figure it's a possibility because it could be more of a matter of pride but I think the number is a bit high.
Unless the pimp was really important and a financial driving force behind this Mafia group, I doubt they'd care too much. They could very easily get a new sex slave and they probably have access to a plethora of pimps or pimp wannabes. As for them sending that many men to take out one guy, unless he was Jason Bourne, it seems quite extensive. It's your story though, it needs to sound believable to you before anyone else.
It doesn't sound believable to me at all. It's one girl that could be replaced by another. One pimp that could be replaced by another. Two or three guys might rough him up a bit, that's about it. Pimps are usually at the lowest level in gangs, akin to drug pushers. You could still attempt to write a believable story based on it. But if you don't believe it nobody will.
You'd need to make the specific slave of some value that is justifiable. Perhaps she is the unknowing heir of a fortune which is delivered to her when she reaches a specific age or does something. She could be a prisoner or perhaps the protagonists daughter/love interest/family. She could know secrets of the Mafia, maybe she's captured certain intelligence valuable to governments/other gangs. I generally wouldn't specify the number of people chasing the guy, how would he know?, it depends on if your writing from third person as a narrator or from first person. The thug could have been the brother of the Mafia "leader", perhaps he was really protecting the slaves and the protagonist unknowingly "saves" her but puts her in more danger as she has nowhere to go.
How about she's a favorite of the higher ups as well as been held captive longer than the rest and because of this she knows some of their secrets like how they operate, who's who, and literally where all the dead bodies are buried. Does that sound like a good reason to want her dead?
You'd have to give a reason as to why she's so special. Why does anybody give a rats ass about a sex slave? Why has she been allowed access to key information? Why aren't other higher ups questioning the relationship she has with gang members? Sex slaves aren't people, they're products used to tern a profit. There is no sentiment toward sex slaves among mobsters unless you give a good reason for it.
Whether or not it is believable depends on how you present it. Don't ask us whether it's believable. Make the reader believe it.
It doesn't sound very well worked out at this stage. You need to think about what motivates every single character in your premise, and see if you can pull it off or do you need extra elements.
I agree with the majority of the posts. There's got to be a reason why they would care about these two. Pimps can be replaced, as can sex slaves. Why does it matter to them if he's just minding his own business now?
Exactly. Does it sound believable that a great white shark could be blown to bits because it swallowed an oxygen tank and then the hero shot the oxygen tank? Of course not. In fact, it is absolutely impossible that such a thing could have happened in real life. When Steven Spielberg presented the idea to author Robert Benchley as the way he wanted to end the movie Jaws, Benchley told him so point-blank. "Steve--that could never happen!" "Robert, if I'm doing my job, the audience won't care." And Steven Spielberg must have done his job, because the audience didn't care.
It depends on whether the pimp was maybe a family member or someone important to the head of that particular mafia family ... you can make anything believable if you want to.
I agree with Nightchaser, the prostitute is completely irrelevant. The pimp is probably irrelevant, unless he's someone's little brother working his way up the ranks or something similar. I'd also guess that mob assassins work alone or in small groups. The more people who know the more people who can betray you.
They make it believable in The Big Hit, the epic 1990s movie that Mark Wahlberg was in (not too far out of his Marky Mark days). Spoiler alert - they kidnap a girl who ends up being the god-daughter of one of the Mafia heads. Ends up in a lot of hilarity as the gangsters send well over thirty guys to hunt them down. The way they set that part of the movie up was brilliant, and totally in context.
It's possible - if this guy saved the girl, then this means the guy knows about them, the underground network, the secret address, and you don't know if the girl's gonna talk - she's a witness - and you don't know how much this girl's told the guy. All in all, it's believable, yes.
