Hey, I've got this silly thing that's bothering me. I've been following most formatting rules for a while now, because, you know, fancy! But with this first line indent going on I'm starting to notice that pretty much all of my lines are "first lines". Not like actual books, that have a good meaty paragraph situation going on. Now, I do a lot of conversation, because one compliment that's remained consistent over time is that I do banter pretty well, but as far as narrative goes I can either sum up a Tolkien's worth of info in a line, maybe two, or go completely overboard and explain how the glass of milk my MC is drinking from made it to the table, who ordered it for her and what sound the waiter's shoes made as he walked. I guess what I'm asking fro is some sort of idiotproof guideline to manage word vomit, or word... whatever the opposite of vomiting is. Either way, a subject we shall put to rest. In graphics we have the golden ratio, you know? I've been doing that long enough to have a feel for it. Writing, not so much. And I think this post may be proof of my problem. ;o)
I don't think there's a golden ratio. But you might not be fleshing out your scene/setting good enough to start with, leading you to keep drip feeding it - hence the small sentences. How do you start a scene with setting, action, narrative prose and then merge into dialogue? Or do you just jump right in?
If you're achieving what you want in a line then don't worry about it. Sounds like the info dump setting scenario is you trying to flesh out a description because you feel you should expand to match some standard. A lot of stories are rather brief with description. The important thing is creating the right amount of information for a reader to use their imagination filling in the rest. There is a podcast that I like about this topic. Inside Creative Writing by Brad Reed. Ep 1: Fictualizing Your Audience. It's about letting the reader be an active participant in the story and mentions what I said about giving enough information for the reader to use their own mind to fill in the blanks. So not too much information where there is nothing left for them to imagine. And not too bland of description so they don't feel compelled to imagine it.
Yeah, as it stands now that pretty much just leaves the title. - To be honest, setting wise there is very little to report. The whole thing is taking place in a present day generic American city. I prefer to let the reader imagine it themselves, which I believe will allow them to imagine a familiar environment. If there's a part a reader needs to know I'll drop it in, but it's usually information I can stick in a sentence and be done with it. The building wasn't officialy declared uninhabitable, but it could definitely do with a coat of paint. And an exterminator. There you go. You know pretty much all I feel you need to know about the building. If there's anything good on the inside, I'll get back to you. - As for action, I've got little to no problems there. I tend to go overboard with that, but cutting's relatively easy. Directly opposite to the afformentioned, I want a reader to know exactly how a character moved to dodge and what a blade sounded like swooping over their head. Mind you, that's not exactly the action I'm writing, but you know, there's kids in the room. - Narrative prose. I'm sure I have some of that. Lemme just grab google translate real quick. Nope. No idea what that is. I never was much use with terms like that in Dutch, let alone know what they are in English. - Dialogue. I'd grab an example, but I'm too embarrassed. I do believe I'm setting up a scene in which the dialogue happens and then go from there. In some occasions I might start with dialogue and then dripfeed in what's going on between spoken lines. However, most of my conversations can be formatted in, lets call it a column. "He said." "She replied." "He said something else," he whispered and leaned against her, almost knocking her off balance. "Then she said this." If you've got a good back and forth rhythm going between characters you quickly fill up large parts with short lines.
I just missed this before posting the other one. It's not trying to meet a standard that causes me to info dump. That particular bad habit I'm getting under control slowly and it comes from wanting to ensure the reader never asks themselves, "What? Where did the glass of milk come from?" For example. On the other hand, I didn't even describe my MC, apart from that she's a redhead, which was important to me to get out there. For the rest of it, she can be the reader's dream redhead. While I prefer to let the reader do the work, this does leave me with little essential information to convey.
Only having one feature described of the main character sounds a little sparse. I think a few key features, that aren't even very specific, would let me start to develop her in my mind. You need to illicit the reader to do work or they won't. They won't feel compelled to create imagery. Like looking at a painting and imaging unsaid things. Or feeling something from it.The painting needs to tickle something in your brain with the details given.
Yeah, you're right. And it happens. There's a reference to her boyfriend looking in her green eyes, for instance. So a reader will eventually get a better picture, but I try to keep it minimal. I also try to avoid stopping my goings on to describe a person outright. With the more adult content I'm writing it's too on the nose, I think.
Here's what I suggest. Instead of posting a load of threads about what to do and whether you're doing it right or not, just write it. Then post it in the Workshop for some feedback on what you've actually written. You'll learn a lot more that way than in hypothetical threads. We can go on about how to do something in this scenario or that, but without seeing what you've done in practise, it's hard to give concrete advice. Maybe YOU think it's word vomit, but actual readers see it differently.
I don't stop for details either. It can mess with my flow while I'm getting the story down. Essentially that's what my second draft is all about. Just adding in details and creating well thought descriptions. And I agree with Naomasa298. I think you would benefit a lot from others reading your stuff. Either critique or beta readers.
Yes, I was thinking the same thing that Naomasa and marshipan suggested. It will be a lot easier for us to help once we read a good-sized chunk of what you've actually written. I see you've already achieved Member status, so once you've done two critiques in the Workshop (if you haven't already), you can post your work there and we can take a look at it. Specific advice is always more helpful than general advice. You may be worrying about something that's actually fine. Or maybe missing something we can help you to consider. We won't know until we take a look.
I appreciate your tips concerning the workshop, and I will get to it eventually... probably. At the moment though, I'm not comfortable enough with my work to let just anyone read it. If that makes any sense. Although this thread turned into another "am I doing this right" situation, I really was looking for a rough cookie-cutter guideline. Provided there was something applicable to writing.
Many people say this, but there really is no reason not to post your work. Most of us here are amateur writers. I haven't published anything and I'd guess that's true of the majority of people here. Whatever you've written, there's worse on the forum, trust me. And no one will rip you apart. For one, that's forbidden. All the feedback you get, positive or negative, can only serve to help you improve. I doubt anyone can write much worse than this: https://www.writingforums.org/threads/okehazama-1543-words.163581/
Yeah, man, just post it. I can understand wanting your work to get to a certain level of quality, but once you start asking yourself "is this good?" because you can't tell yourself, then I think it's time to take it to the workshop.
Yeah, I suppose there are words in there that I wouldn't have used myself, and I might be able to see that it's not as good. But I can't go as far as calling it bad and I couldn't really tell you why it's not as good. But if you want to feel better about it, I can post some old Star Control fan fiction some time. Make this look like respectable writing. ;o) As for your and @Friedrich Kugelschreiber 's reassurances to just post it... It's not critiques I fear, or even getting torn a new one. The irrefutable fact is that you don't learn to block if you don't get punched in the face. Me, I'm just afraid of letting all o' y'all look into my head. But I think I've got a way around it, so that point is moot. I'll post in there eventually.
I don't feel bad about it. I know it's awful. Cringeworthy even, but I'm comfortable enough with my writing to know that I can do far better than that now. It's mainly about the way I used language in that piece.
