I was reading tonight about writers and emotional intelligence (EI). EI refers to the ability to identify, understand and assess one's own and others' emotions. According to the article, EI helps writers do their work better and helps them with the ups and downs of the process. The article ended with two questions I now put to you: How's your own emotional intelligence? And what's it done for your writing? Why do the best writers have the most emotional intelligence?
I don't know, I had a hard time with these attributions to successful writers : For me personally, because I'm disagreeable semantically (the most fun at parties), the term emotional intelligence has never resonated. It just sounds like a combination of empathy and maturity. I don't think successful writers are necessarily mature or socially adept—I'd have to give up on being successful if those were a requirement!—but definitely agree they are more empathetic. They entertain such a variety of emotions and traits, and they spend entire novels expanding on particular ideas and states of mind that cannot be summarized in anything less.
I figure I'm not very emotionally intelligent, at least from my existing understanding of the term. I thought most EI people were good at small talk, getting others to like them, gaining and maintaining various kinds of relationships, those sort of social things. Generally just being good with people socially. I'm not; I'm self-conscious and anxious. I reviewed the article and jotted down my thoughts for each section: They are fantastically (yet modestly) self-aware -I am only confident about a handful of traits that I have. I think I'm a decent writer, and that I have some kind of natural talent for music as well. I'm not good for much else these days. Humility is one of the virtues I admire most. They have the ability to self-regulate -this hasn't been much of a challenge once I started keeping myself accountable. Starting a progress journal was the best thing I did in this department. They are highly motivated -not too sure about this one. I'm willing to put the work in, and I finish what I've started, but I know that I'm writing books just to know that I did it, that I at least tried, even though it's almost certainly hopeless to become successful. They show great empathy -hm this one is interesting. I can cry when a stranger posts that their pet has died, but I'm not always sure that I can truly understand someone from their own perspective. I very much do want to write something that I know readers would enjoy, but what I write is also just what I would want to read. They have superior social skills -I do not have great social skills. The description in this section doesn't mention anything about socialization. Dealing with your own thoughts isn't a social skill.
I am iffy too about writers needing to have good social skills. I don't see that as a prerequisite to creativity. Self-expression motivates us, not social acceptance. Maybe I am wrong. Is it the observation or the interaction that inspires us?
Interaction makes for excellent, believable (even when unbelievable!) anecdotes that you can stuff into stories. But I think observation is what inspires writers the most. Most writers? We all have such different experiences of course.
If you substituted the word 'writer' with the word 'storyteller' your premise would make a lot more sense. Having haunted the writing forums now for years I would have an easier time making the argument that most writers are socially inept. A storyteller has to know their audience. This comes from observation plus empathy. They have the ability to hook the listener or reader with something that not only interests them, but pushes them to either read the next page or keep listening. I do a lot of public speaking. It has a huge advantage over writing, the feedback is immediate, if you're paying attention to body language. Those same skills that you learn while studying body language are the source to what drives and turns people on and off, give your words an honest impact. A good writer or a good speaker knows how to take advantage of those subtle cues. Having the ability to listen and observe are the very skills that are needed so that when 'you' talk or write, they are interested. Know your audience, speak or write only what you know. I am a nine out of ten, but started out with disagreeing with you. Otherwise, I could have pulled off a ten out of ten :}
I think that's more like an advertisement for the writing couch services being offered than an article.
Interesting, here's the same article printed on another website a year earlier (same author) without the "if you want to improve" paragraph Why the Best Writers Have the Most Emotional Intelligence
They are fantastically (yet modestly) self-aware They have the ability to self-regulate They show great empathy I think a lot of writers (especially the newbies) on here show these attributes but get criticized for it. the "should i write X" people or "I'm trying to be inclusive" and "Am I being offensive to X." I think asking these questions shows an awareness of people outside of your own bubble and shows that these writers are both empathetic, self-aware, and can regulate. They also have fantastic ideas, too! As a writer, I try to be aware of my characters and how i write them. I know its impossible to please everyone, and that EVERYthing these days has the potential to trigger others, but there has to be some modicum of awareness. They are highly motivated They have superior social skills I dont know anyone on here personally, so i cant speak on what i've seen. but personally, I am highly motivated.... but my social skills suck in real life. I'm such an awkward duck! no amount of working with the public has helped! lmao! I never know how to end a voicemail and i never know how to extricate myself from a conversation so I end up standing there smiling awkwardly. Sometimes I talk for way longer than I should and THEY are the ones standing there smiling awkwardly. -anxiety rising just thinking about it!-
I have a modicum of awareness. I am aware there are groups that I just want to scream, "grow the F up." at. What the younger generation calls "Adulating", was called growing up when I was young. If what I write offends someone, well no one forced them to read it.
I may be wrong (and, judging by the perceived tone of your response, i might be), you dont want to offend just for the sake of offending. If you have a character that is offensive because the character and the story calls for it, then go for it (for example, if i have a character based off of Nazi's and spouts hate, i'm not going to let them be Nazis and spout hate just for the heck of it or just because I can. If it serves a purpose, like if its a character flaw of this character that is addressed throughout the story either negatively or positively, or this character is a villain, then so be it). saying "grow the F up" is not Emotional Intelligence. its awareness coupled with willful ignorance
oddly enough, the ONLY people making a stink about banning books because they offend their fragile moral constitution are people of your generation (the "back in my day" people). A library near me is closing because the public stopped funding it because they didnt agree with the books the library purchased and all the LGBTQ books were offensive. no one is forcing them to read those books. yet they insist making it so nobody has access to them
“If this nation is to be wise as well as strong, if we are to achieve our destiny, then we need more new ideas for more wise men reading more good books in more public libraries. These libraries should be open to all—except the censor. We must know all the facts and hear all the alternatives and listen to all the criticisms. Let us welcome controversial books and controversial authors. For the Bill of Rights is the guardian of our security as well as our liberty. [Response to questionnaire in Saturday Review, October 29 1960]” ― John F. Kennedy
I strongly disagree with that for a public library. Now a school library, that is not age appropriate content. If parents want their kids reading that type of content, they can purchase it for the kids or get it from a public library. My opinion has always been what two consenting ADULTS do is their business, but leave kids out of it. I am not in favor of banning any books completely. There need to be restrictions on what is available in schools, again age appropriate content. If someone wants to read LGBTQ romances or any other genre that is their choice. Not my cup of tea though.
'Good men are both well hated, and well loved'. A quote my grandfather taught me more than 50 years ago. Do I care what someone else thinks, it depends. Who are you? What have you done? What have you experienced? Some modern day Karen, out to tell me how it is, often gets the F you response. Being able to word, express, share, your thoughts and ideals, is directly related to the value of your opinion. Being able to share the real life experience that got you there is the difference between it being voiced verses being heard. Some lack the ability to articulate. Others lack the first hand experience to have it be more than just an opinion. Someone whose words matter can explain why and how. The definition of a real teacher.
I simple tell those people their opinion is worth it's weight in gold, and watch the comment go over their heads like the ISS.
