Empress Theresa (moved from not happy)

@Cave Troll well, I'm taking the plunge! I'm going to try and read through Empress Theresa, and I'm blaming you for it. LOL!

I've only just skim through chapter 3 I'm already mortified. The only thing that makes it easier is reading it as a parody Or comedy

Edit: oh! And don't read it out loud, the horrendous grammar will throw you off. It's practically unreadable out loud

 

I suppose I am a little sorry for getting you to power through it.
But at least 5 and 6 are completely optional, just an FYI.
Hell, I might just skip to the last few chapters, since things don't
seem to be going in any direction beyond: "Save us Theresa Hartley,
you're our only hope."

 

A lot of what he wrote is optional, LOL!

He adds all these weird little bits that have nothing to do with the plot. It is like it's his inner monologue projected onto Teresa.

You can skip big Chucks of texts and not miss anything, so far skimming seems to make it less painful.

Thanks for the heads up on the 5 and 6

Edit: an example of Norman's writing , this is not from the book, it's just an example.

Theresa was alone at home, taking a shower. It reminded her of that chilling scene from psycho where actress Janet Liegh's character, Marion Crane was murdered in the shower by Norman. To achieve a realistic scream, they dumped icy cold water on Janet without her knowledge. It was a chilling scene.
Teresa thought she heard a noise, and feared it might be an assassin coming up the stairs.
By the way did I mention the movie Psycho! Or that Teresa was Home Alone taking a shower by herself! Let me repeat it again. Yeah in about a chapter or two oh, we're going highlight this scene, just in case you missed it. How we may do it in the next page

That's Norman, the last sentence being an overall example

 

Oh yeah! I also forgot to mention.

Teresa's narcissism, pretentiousness and constant Non-God references to God ( CT will know what I mean by that) . A constant clustfuk of woe is me, they must be doing it for this reason and I need to tell my readers this reason because my readers are too dumb to get it on their own or without God people are lost AKA atheist suck. ( and don't even get me started on the reviews, just know if you hated the book you're a troll atheist, which includes me, a Christian)

But wait, if you think this is a religious book keep in mind all the blasphemous content in it as well. Such as, comparing Theresa to Jesus and other similar comparisons

This is the one book written by a Catholic, that both atheists and Christians can unite in panning.

 

I do not understand, how did a book like Empress Theresa get published? Did he self-publish? Traditional? I'm not very involved in the subject, and a part of me would rather avoid it entirely.

Can someone shed some light on what happened? Did Norman bribe someone? Is he rich?

How can seemingly garbage like that be published while others struggle? Or is it a case of BAD publicity = GOOD money? Was it a cynical choice to publish it, knowing it was terrible?

 

O

It's self-published, and it's very complicated to explain.

I would avoid it, unless you want a headache. But for some unknown you have to hurt yourself, watch down the rabbit hole with Fred Kneudson

The series is called down the rabbit hole, the episode is empress Theresa. And Fred is The Host

 

Yeah, I think Norm (though he is anything but ) needs to get laid, cause
he seems to detour into how 'sexy as hell' she is as often as he can, since she
is 18 chapter 4 onwards. It might loosen up the now 40 year old virgin a bit.

 

Wait! She's 18 throughout the whole book? Everything that happens, happens in a year or is he just fail to Ager?
.
Norman is an old fella, but he's got some serious mental issues.

And for being a good Catholic girl, Teresa suffers from the serious vanity and narcissism. Even at her own wedding, she wears a revealing outfit, with guests admiring an 18 year olds breasts

Now if I were Teresa's father, first off this wedding wouldn't have happened till at least 2 years of dating. Second, anyone looks at my daughter sexually who isn't married to her, I'd kill them.

 

Yep she is 18 when her and Mr. Boring Physics guy from the dorm.
There is a bit that describes their wedding that denotes Norm's
sexualization of the character in Chp. 3.

I was gorgeous as a recently turned 18 year old. For the church
service I wore a two piece wedding gown. A floor length wide skirt
with spaghetti shoulder straps was made from matte duchess satin.
Over this I had a jacket made of peekaboo cotton Venice lace that more
or less covered my shoulders and the top half of my upper arms so as not
to scandalize the congregation. At the reception the jacket and train came
off and my shoulders and cleavage charmed the crowd.

(That is literally how it is writ in the last couple pages of chapter 3, so I do
think Norman does find Theresa to be sexy. And that isn't the only time
he goes on about how hot she is.)

 

No no, I'm at that part. I already know she's 18 at her wedding after a month of dating mr. Perfectly boring.

And of course the sexualization of Theresa at the wedding

I mean, is she 18 throughout the whole book?

 

No! No! Abort, abort, don't read.

Just watch the down the rabbit hole on Empress Theresa and you'll learn all you need to know about it.

There's also people that read the sample chapters that are made available, look for those. But do not read

 

I believe so, after chapter 2. At least from what I can tell
she is an adult by that point. Or at least 17-18 in chapter
3 when she is in college, and when she is abducted, and
I think so for the rest of the book after that, as far as I can
tell. Though you wouldn't know it based on how piss poor
it is all written.

Only if you don't feel bad about parting with $4 for a digital copy,
cause I sure as hell wouldn't pay for a paper back version. Unless
you happen to want to feel like a fool for spending $12 on a book
that the author should pay you to read.

 

Here is the Down The Rabbit Hole on it.

 

I felt $4 was enough damage, just in case of Norman got some self-awareness it took the book down. Do I doubt he will

 

Ok. I got curious too after reading your passionate chat about this book. I read the reviews and also watched a couple of reviews on YT. All I have to say is wooooow...

 

I said that too, when I bought one Lyra Parish's books. Never knew a woman
didn't know how to write women, or people in general as people. I had to delete
it off my kindle cause I was going insane (in the bad way) with how alien and
screwy she writes her Erotic Romances. Spooky stuff in that woman's works
of fiction.

 

WOW!!! indeed

 

There's another book I bought, that's pretty bad however in this case it's more of a author posting a rough draft then a finished piece of work. And the worst part is this author shuts down when it comes to critique

I bought this book too, out of fear he would take it down, which he did. So thankfully I have a copy

 

I think I destroyed one lady's writing career, when she tried to nit pick about a rev I
left on one of her Romance novels. I say I destroyed her career, cause all 12 of her books
disappeared from amazon never to be seen again. I don't feel good about it, but we gotta
start setting standards for what we want in a piece of fictional writing, regardless of the
genre.

 

Thanks CT. Now I have to check her out too. I can't sleep until I do. Going down a rabbit hole indeed.

 

Agreed, we got to start policing the self-publishing or no one will take it seriously

 

Also, sorry about the derail