Sounds solid to me. Your ending seems the same conclusion I reached with my creation story (Great minds and whatever the cliche is ). Might want to find a better term than 'the old ones' or people will start declaring it a HP Lovecraft rip off and its a horribly overused term in this sort of thing.
Ah, Lovecraft, the one that brought us such tounge tieing names as: Cxaxukluth Perhaps I should just call them Gods?
this sounds like one of the more original plots I've heard of.but it feels like your putting to much work into the world and not enough in the plot. if you establish a world first you have to make your plot work into it. its easier to work a world around a plot. the plot sounds great but there are a few places that sound off. 1. this great evil whatever thing seems to have no purpose other than to be evil. (just read poem... it makes more sense now... but why is it only on the islands?) 2. does the protagonist have to fight the evil out of his head or does someone else do that? or does a secondary but still major character have to defeat him? 3. the killing off of all other major characters seems very extreme. i think it might deter readers. maybe he kills all his crew, injures the girl, and attacks the other major characters (doesn't kill them; or at least all of them)
Actually, if this is meant to be an entirely different world, get rid of the "von" in that name as that has too strong a German association in many peoples minds. It might give reader a sort of "huh, when did we get to Germany?" reaction and draws them out of the story...the other words don't seem so German so they're probably safe.
FedoraPirate: When I put von in there I was at an experimental stage so perhaps it needs to be removed. Perhaps things like Sel and Sal would be better. Honorios: I've actually put bearly any work into the world. If I create a rich detailed world, then hopefully, the stories shall just flow from it. Also to answer your questions: 1. As you've found and read the poem then you'll know what the evil is. It is not just on te islands it is iin the whole of the world. It just so happens that part of the Evil is hidden on the islands. (His mind/knowledge) 2.As the evil is a god, then it will probably invade their minds at some point. Also the death of the evil is another story entirely. 3. It would make more sense to not kill off everyone, otherwise who is going to spread the word?
