I have found myself wanting to write more and more about short, simple events in my life that stimulate positive emotions. So if and when I live to my 50s, 60s, 70s, etc. I’ll have something really neat to look back on. Anyway, here is my idea of what to write about. It may seem weak, but it was a unique moment. It fit RIGHT in to my current fixation (learning about foreign cultures and the thousands of languages around the world). Yesterday, my friend and I went to the airport to pick up his other friend who was flying in from Colombia (and he’s originally South Africa). While waiting in the international arrival area, I saw a flight attendant who was absolutely stunning. “Gorgeous”would be an insult, a true understatement. Her outfit and everything was perfection. And during the moment, the awesome smell of Starbucks coffee filled the air. How can I take this and write something good out of it?
I’d say focus on the emotions you felt and especially your senses. Describe the flight attendant in a way that appeals to all of the senses you used when you saw her. Describe the smell of the Starbucks. Describe your surroundings.
I think it is frowned upon to go up and lick people in polite society. But I second what you have writ.
Why don't you try to describe the moment to us now? I agree that you should focus on your emotions - how did the different senses (colours, texture, smell, sound etc) contribute to the feeling it culminated it? I believe a strength of my own writing is being able to pinpoint exact details that really sum up a moment - so try and do that for yourself. Look for such details, because all you really need to describe a moment is a summary - something that really drives everything home. You need that picture that speaks a thousand words, but not all pictures speak a thousand words. You get what I'm saying? When all is said and done, you don't need very much at all - don't describe everything. Describe only those things that create emotion, and not just in yourself, but in other people. Here you're looking to generalise a little, and it requires you to understand how to read people or how people read things (I don't mean literal reading). Because the purpose is not simply to describe your experience, but to have others experience your moment, so you need to communicate in symbols that other people would understand similarly to you. Visual accuracy is irrelevant - emotional accuracy is what you're trying to achieve, and what writing's good for. There's a major difference between the two, and I believe it's why many writers can't do description or find it difficult.
I read this in the morning but hadn't time to say something. I left it on a tab for the evening. As the others have said report on all senses. To me it would feel best to do this in third person, and sneak in a little almost first person (by omitting a few narrating, Harry thought/felt etc) . Don't fear to combine things you have experienced elsewhere. I am sure you have had to rise very early som morning when the sun just raises an you had to travel an hour somewhere. I am sure you have sometime travelled in a car and a low set sun has produced alternating light/dark from repeating shadows of fence poles. I am sure you have traveled through a tunnel first going into the darkness then coming out in the lightness. I am sure you have heard the mighty sound of an big airplane taking off or going down. I am sure you have heard the echoing sounds in a big room with hard surfaces. Now tell us the big lie (documentary is boring) that all of this happened before you had your encounter with the flight attendant. You can throw in some birds singing early in the morning, and your bare feet touching the cold hard floor when you got out of bed. Be true to each incident but feel free to combine them. Alfred Hitchcock said something like a good story is life with all dull parts removed. (You can omit the parking ticket you got and the horrible coffee you got) And this was just me reading about your experience. Good luck, you deserve it!
Excuse my response below if it doesn’t make sense, day three now with very little sleep. I think this is the perfect way to go. I will have a hard time writing that appeals to emotions and to effectively summarize the moment. Hmmm this will take some work. I will write down the senses and write as much about each of them as possible. The moment was amazing. My jaw dropped off reflex, but I was able to stop that in motion in time so I didn’t look like some desperate fool. My eyes had opened up as if I just had a shot of espresso, and I was itching to say “wow” because again, everything about her was perfect. To add another interesting element, her outfit reminded me of how a lady would dress in the 40s (and note that I was born in 1994 lol). I wish more would have happened, because it sucks to know I’ll never experience that or see her again. I watched her and the other attendants go by, and the sharp-dressed pilots. The variety of nationalities, foreign tongues, the curiosity (curious of who is from where), the search (for any German speakers), and lastly the smell of coffee made it unforgettable. These things made for what was an ordinary trip to the airport for my friend a special day for myself. For the rest of the day, I had an extra kick to my step, I felt like I had found something special or was given something. I felt like I left that airport with something great. Obviously something I didn’t have before (some special feeling that I can’t quite summarize at the moment).
I think this is an interesting approach. It will take a lot of trial and error since I’m new to this. When I do finish this, should I print a copy? I hate having to read everything on my phone.
Ok, now you gotta go in more depth. That doesn't mean make it longer, but you can do that for now and then trim it back later once you know which details are important. You're still "telling" a lot and not showing much. She was dressed in the 40s style, in uniform (since she was an air hostess), and there was the smell of coffee. Otherwise, what is it that I can see? Nothing really. A beautiful woman dressed in a 40s style uniform. Cool, But that doesn't get across why she POPPED for you. I think the things to focus on might well be that one line after the paragraph - the variety of nationalities, your search for German speakers (why were you searching for German speakers?) - that sense of activity and almost confusion, excitement - that's where those emotions lie. It's in that setting. So set us up - describe that and build up to the woman. Because it's not just because the woman was pretty - it was the combination of all that you were already going through and feeling and then she turned up, like the exclamation mark to the end of a sentence. But an exclamation mark all by itself means nothing at all. With the right sentence, however, that final exclamation mark is, shall we say, the cherry on top. That little extra that really completes the cake. But the woman is just the cherry, and the cherry all by itself isn't very exciting. Sitting snugly in a curl of whipped cream, atop a springy yellow sponge - now that cherry is something else. So don't focus so much on the woman - describe everything that leads up to it. Imagine everything else as the platform for your star (the woman) to stand upon. ETA: You can probably tell description is kinda my thing got a bit carried away with my metaphors there!
As far as getting the “why” across (to why she stuck out to me)-it’s ok to devote a couple of lines to vividly show her and the outfit through imagery? I really like how you say to make her an exclamation point, everything was so interesting and exciting (a true cocktail of visuals and emotions changing by the second), and then she turns up. That is an outline I’ll go with. Before seeing her, i stood there anxiously waiting to hear a German speaker (since I speak some German and love studying their culture and dialects). I was nervous because my German would be put to the test, and I would have to figure out some way to unawkwardly insert myself into conversation. Unfortunately I never found one. When she turned up, it was a short and quick sight to see. Very much like being in your front yard and watching your dream car drive by. It catches your eye, you can’t believe what you just saw. But just like that, seconds later, it’s gone.
