Hi. I'm new here. Just looking for some help on changing up some words in one of my books. The current sentence uses the words eerily beautiful and my writing group and I have decided that doesn't ring very well. So, I was hoping to get some feedback How would you describe someone who was smiling at you in a way that was both stunning and captivating, but also terrifying and mysterious? I've already gotten Terrific and Awesome and I don't feel a connect with either of those words. Any help would be seriously appreciated
Context would be helpful. Why is the smile supposed to be terrifying and mysterious? Is the smiler a particularly scary/eerie person? Is this dialogue, third person narration, or first person narration? And this is a silly question, but have you tried looking in a thesaurus for words that mean 'eerie' and 'beautiful'? One of the things we like to do here, rather than just straight-out answering questions, is teach you to find your own answers; otherwise, you might just keep needing vocab help with no understanding of how or why the new words are better.
So I have indeed tried looking up different words for something close to eerie and something close to beautiful but nothing fit quite right. I've been given the idea of ethereal but that doesn't work for me either because it takes away the element of danger. The context is first person narrative and the smiler is a dangerous thing. Deep down the character who is doing the narrating knows that, even if they don't realize it. However, the smiler is also incredibly gorgeous as a means of deception. Kind of like fairies. So I chose eerily beautiful because it fit for me, but my writing group pointed out it was a bit clunky so I've been wracking my brain all week for possibilities and could really use some suggestions. Which is why I came here.
Also, I would like to add that I'm open to all suggestions be them one word, two words, or a whole couple of sentences. Which I've also considered.
So what you are trying to get across is that the person who is smiling is dangerous, yet attractive. Maybe it's a bit too cliche but that reminds me a lot of the moth to the flame saying. So I'd say something like: His/Her smile was like a flame, bright and warm, and just like a moth, I was drawn to it. The hint of danger is there but it's subtle since the protagonist isn't yet aware of how dangerous this person is. If you want something more fairy-like maybe a comparison to a siren's song, for example.
She gave a smile that was so close to perfect that he felt his heart miss a beat and he wasn't quite sure why. He could have been smitten with her, he could have been scared, it could have even been angina, and all he knew there was a possibility it was all three. But what he did know was that it was the memory of this feeling that kept her on his mind throughout the evening and onto the early hours of the morning... etc.
Those are actually really good examples. I wasn't going to drag it out more than it was but I think it might work. I'll run it by my writers group. THANKS GUYS. You were actually incredibly helpful. All of you
I like this one a lot. If you find yourself stuck, looking for a synonym—which is what the OP was doing—maybe attempt to find another way of getting the point across instead. That's often the best solution, because it forces you to create a different image. Often a more exact, yet subtle one. I think this example is fantastic because it does several things. 1) it conveys the idea of beauty AND danger, but does it subtly. The reader especially has to draw the conclusion about danger ...what happens to a moth when it flies too close to a flame? It doesn't end well, does it? 2) it makes perfect use of a cliché. It's acknowledging the cliché but isn't using it quite the way it's usually employed. It's getting the reader to think beyond it. Depending on the context, the narrator is either aware of the danger even as he is attracted to the woman, OR he has definitely made the connection in hindsight. 3) it reads really well. Definitely NOT clunky.
glad to hear this is a good way to get strong language across, because i do this in times when i'm desperate and not finding a synonym that comes off genuinely--both, in the sense that i don't have a full grasp of the word (because it may be fairly new to me still), as well as in the sense that, sometimes you need to use more words to more sharply convey what's happening: sometimes it's better to leave the French words to explain complex emotions, or combinations thereof, to the French.
A razor blade smile? That's kind of noirish though . . . I guess you could call it "vampish." That implies the lure and the poison too.
