Wonder to yourselves: Am I as good as I think I am? Am I better than I think I am? Can I get better? HOW do I get better? Is there any point in carrying on writing? This isn't working out how I expected. Where do I go from here? Raise your right hand. Share.
I don't ask much of these questions, but I do struggle a lot when it comes to writing. (And I think perhaps the feeling of struggle is where this is coming from? Could it be? If not, please feel free to ignore the rest of these.) So, my struggles? Let's see... My timid personality, my lack of education(what's high school?), my living environment(being Chinese and a writer wannabe and all that), my OCD and anxiety. Just to name a few. I write slow and awkward and as if without a backspace key. Spoiler: Check these two random lines from my WIP if you don't believe me. “NOthing ahpepen,” I assuredd her.Unless you want to,“ I added, . This is her diecition agfter all. “is I but is it really worth it? to win this stupid thing? I don’t undersstand how I take it had taken it so srerious. Before. Honestly, my mind (or process if you will allow) is so chaotic I don't even know why I bother with punctuation at all. And no, as Sheldon would say, I am not crazy. Although, I didn't take the test like he did. Anyway, 85% of my WIP is probably full of these vomit words. No. Letters. But still, sometimes I could pick out something useable and try to edit them into readable. One thing I am sure is that, yes, I can get better. We can all get better if we keep going at it. Cough. Where was I before that cringe-worthy snippet again? Right. Struggles. Don't let them stop you if this is really what you want. You can even twist them into your advantages. So my struggles become my strengths. My timid personality taught me to become more independent and resourceful; my lack of education propels me to constant learning; my living environment becomes a daily motivation; my OCD and anxiety provide sensibilities for my writings; and many many more... And I think your questions above is a great list, so I want to try and answer it: Q: Am I as good as I think I am? A: Nope. Q: Am I better than I think I am? A: Worse for sure. Q: Can I get better? A: YES! Q: HOW do I get better? A: For the moment, mostly by reading. Even just reading for pressure taught me a lot. Q: Is there any point in carrying on writing? A: Yes. It's a skill no one could take away from me. (Under normal circumstances, anyway) Q: This isn't working out how I expected. Where do I go from here? A: I honestly don't know where I am going, but I know I won't regret trying (to write), because writing itself has helped me so much with my life already. Dream big. Work hard. You never know. I don't remember who said this or something similar, but at the end of day, I guess that's what I believe in.
If you keep writing, you will find that none of those questions matter. You are as good as you are and will improve with practice. No writing ever works out as expected, but then you cannot foresee the future anyway.
I am sure that no matter what happens, objectively my writing will always be worse than what state I think it is. I think this is true primarily because there is a strong emotional component to my writing that makes me feel connected to myself and the world, so it also inevitably sounds better to me. I am ok with that, because I write mostly because it feels good and it is healing. I could improve by exercising, I am sure that is the way to go, but it would also take that connection I crave so much out of the equation, so I only exercise little, and instead use the most recommended method by many authors: read a lot & write a lot. Like everything, if you write enough, being actively engaged, sooner or later you will come to a place where things just (magically) fall into place, making sense where before there was none. I believe in the power of reworking by being actively engaged, but also in knowing when to move on. Not every piece of writing has to be a success story, but it helps to set goals for each piece of writing. I can't just "write", I need a practical goal to move forward. I enjoy when I see I have improved my writing, but ultimately what matters to me is that there is an emotional connection that I have created through the style I've used for a given piece. However, being a newbie, I am experimenting in different aspects of writing, so I find it easy to feel satisfied, even when I have doubts about the final result (the story as a whole).
I often think poorly of my work, and sometimes that sentiment is correct, sometimes it is incorrect. I wrote a small essay at the university that got a good grade and remark from the teacher, an essay I thought I had messed up completely on, which shows my lack of knowledge and certainty. When I submit stories here in the workshop I sometimes think they're flawless and that no one is going to find any faults with them. Hehe...
My suggestion is to disengage from your writing and put it to the non-human test. There are 30 words that prove you are telling and not showing...so do a search for them and see how often they pop up on the search feature. If you got a page with 3-5 of them, then it is an indicator, you are telling and not showing. So that is an easy way to self evaluate. As for dialog, do a search for, "remember when", "I know that", and "You know." Again if your searches bring up a ton of finds, then it is an indicator your dialog writing needs work.
I will finish writing something that I think is brilliant, then go read something similar that is much better. It's humbling. Then I go read some of the shit I wrote in the past and am encouraged.
