A eleven year old girl walks into her therapist's office and tells a story... Cyril Brendon Gardner McChullough and Melissa Niamh Fredrickson McChullough are not the happiest kid's around. Their home life is screwy, their parents (the two are maternal cousins, just so you know) are trapped in unhappy marriages and they suffer the most. Cyril's mother had an affair with Melissa's father around the time Cyril was concived, meaning there's a huge chance he's the biological son of his uncle and Melissa's brother (full sibling to boot, their mothers are identical twins). Because of this Cyril's dad treats him like he barely exists, while to his mum he's just an unpleasent reminder of an awful mistake, and tears him apart for every imperfection, real or percived. Melissa's dad is kind of a very dark take on a "really just a big kid at heart" character, usaully treating Mel like a little sister rather than a daughter, with a bit of covertincest happening as well, he's also fixiated on wether or not C's his child. Melissa's mother is well aware she has a very talented daughter and nephew, and does stuff that'd make the Tiger Mother say "They're just kids dude". Plus Mel's parents like Cyril more than their own daughter just as Cyril's prefer Melissa over their own son. Their grandparents are cooler though. Granddad's a badarse, grumpy, but loving war veteran, and Grandma's like the classic personification of a kindly, old Irish granny... aside from wanting Cyril and Melissa to get married when they grow up. This is all a bit complicated by the fact that their mothers are about three hundred and ninety. Their maternal family belong to The Society (Or The Kingdom), a secret collection of families who's members are nearly immortal (in the sense that they look "as old as they feel") and all of whom develop superhuman abilites. There are two types of powers, ones unique to a person, usually Personality Powers, and ones inherited from parents; although those are may or may not be just because personality is partially genetic. A person can lose powers, develop new ones, have some powers change form and function. Also many of them are part paranormal creature, like the McChullough clan, who are part selkie, which results in special powers that are always inherited. They are trying to make themselves seem less mystical, even though they have something like magic and live among supernatural beings, do not call them witches... to their face. Funny fact they pass down the mother's name, not the dad's. Cyril and Melissa also have gifts, a lot in fact, very potent ones to; they also constantly change and morph. Some gifts have caused them a lot of pain, like their telepathy, and aura vision; which allows them to see people and things' true selves. And they have a mental link, from the moment of their birth they shared everything. They only have like one friend, Farely Jones, and he struggles to not become an outcast for hanging out with them. They're bullied pretty awfully at school, which comes to a head when after the second last day of primary school a classmate takes pictures of them naked by a river (they can turn into seals, they'd just turned back) and sent them to all their fellow classmates. When the two found out they went on a rampage, destroying the school. So their family sends them to Saint Cyprian to get them out of their hair. Saint Cyprian is a prestigous college for members of The Kingdom (or The Society) and other kinds of supernatural beings. It wasn't founded so much as found. It's a collection of all the lost places and things that have ever been lost and never found. It's a wellspring of mystical energy, and has all the books ever written. Externally the school takes the form of seven towers in a half circle, each one constructed in a different style and each with a simulation of a different biome on top. There is another tower in the center, each tower has a staircase wrapped around it, stacked with books. The school is evil, actively trying to kill the students. A lot of the staff is corrupt. Their equivelent of house elves are clockwork robots. So C and M gather an odd little circle of not quite friends, and they witness Assistant Headmistress Justina Smith murder a student. If they tell somone about it she'll subject them to horrible deaths. Also Baldur is appearing in their dreams, urging them to break the veil of secrecy, because according to Baldur that'll make their home lives happier, erasing the tension of living in a family full of secrets. And Baldur was always a good guy, right? At least that's how the surviving myths paint him. I have four book ideas, the second involving a clockwork bot trying to use student body parts to make himslef human, the third is the cast being sent to a American school as an exchange program. The fourth is about space travel. The framing device for the first is Melissa talking to her therapist. The therapist often interupts to ask questions and give insight. Not sure about the rest quite yet. I kinda want to go in a different direction than most YA fantasies, instead of it getting darker (it starts of pretty dark) it get's lighter. As in the characters live's improve and the tone becomes more hopeful. The ending will probably be a bit bittersweet for some characters. Family is an important theme, as is the concept of ascending. You see all members of The Society (or The Kingdom) if they have enough inate power, wisdom, experince and skill can ascend to godhood, this is supposed to be the goal of all members of The Kingdom (or The Society) but most just pay lip service to it. So anyone have any tips on refining the powers and their devolopmant and stuff? And what could be a term for individual members of The Society (Or The Kingdom)? And The Kingdom (or The Society) is trying to make themselves and their world seem less magical, as in make themselves think their basically scientific instead of mystical, any tips on showing that social trend? And I want to make sure I don't run into common mistakes when writing about child abuse. And I want some real life examples of cruel schools and educational practices Also the books are mainly set in Western Australia, 2011. Okay Cast Of Characters Cyril Brendon Gardner McChullough Cyril and Melissa have kind of a Pink Boy Blue Girl thing. He's a very severe case of "Well Done Son" Guy in regards to his mother. Ever seen Red Dwarf, he's kinda Rimmer like, but a strong undertone of the Tenth Doctor? Has OCD due to his mum inflicting nightmares on him involving disease and decay. He's very nervous about physical contact partly because of that, and he has a touch of death that's nearly completely under his control, he wears gloves because of it, even to bed. Also his favoroute colour is pink. Obsessed with the concept of justice, and wants desperately to be remembered, fond of archtecture. Is a Determinator and will never compromise his morals as odd as they be. Melissa Niamh Fredrickson NotAWikiWord McChullough Yes it is. Mel is venomous, very knowledgeable and knows it. Imagine a fire in the middle of a glacier. Calm caulculating... But on the inside she's in tears. Finds it hard sometimes to emphasize with people who aren't Cyril. Reacts very weirdly to affection, especially from adults, huge bookworm, kind of sporty. Has a thing for animals, would make a great solider. Imagine Hermonie if she was of her meds. They both have a very simaler look, greyish hair and aquamarine eyes, they both look kinda creepy. C is brooding and sinister, while Mel seems emotionaless, with a sporty build. They're part Greek from their Granddad, and they do look it. Cyril's named after him by the way. Also they have six fingers and lack toenails. They have dependence issues regarding each over, they can't comprehend lonliness, have no real idea of personal space between them. They learn faster because they share knowledge. They also have a hard time thinking of people who aren't them as people. They're rather intellectialy and musically talented. Since they look like Half Identical Twins and have a mindlink they often pretend to be incestrous twins to creep people out. Although they're creepy by default really. Farely Jones: Farely is like the third most important character. He has and always been (well since they were five) C and M's best and only friend. He has always struggled to be their friend and not be an outcast. He eventually sneaks into the school after following C and M going school supply shopping. Farely has been raised by his aunt and uncle since he was six months old and they treat him like... a son. They're great parents, his parents died of a drug overdose. It turns out his dad was a member of The Society (or The Kingdom) and he was a late bloomer when it came to powers. Farely is quite the Cheerful Child, kind of nerdy in a big boyscout way, you know digs up his whole backyard to find a cool bug. Also he's taaaaaaaaaaalllllllllll, seriously Granddad took one look at him and thought his mum was a giant. He's tan, dark blond and frekled, very pronounced cheek bones. More characters soon.
Ok, as usual, it depends on how you write it, but my first impression is that the premises are so much, it'll be hard to do them justice. For example, kids with that much power, and that much emotional problems, risk getting in really deep trouble. Aren't they in constant risk of killing someone? How do the kids, and the adults around them, deal with them being potential mass murderers? It sounds like destroying a school is a really big thing that should have really severe consequences. How do the parents explain it away, so they can continue to live normally within society? How do the kids themselves deal with doing something like that? Why do parents send their kids to a school that's trying to kill them off? Shouldn't the death count very quickly make them suspicious?
Maybe some of the teachers could be doing dark alchemy and trying to poison them off, set bad spirits/spells on the school etc. It's a fantasy and they're the bad guys, right?
A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has all been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it. There's no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..." If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it. Please read What is Plot Creation and Development?
