Am I doing this right? Context- MC who was previously scared of new experiences is flying on a dragon and is marveling that she is excited and not scared. Then they were aloft, rising above the trees. A thrill of- not fear, Kaelie marveled, but exhilaration- swept over her. Is that right, with the dashes and the commas?
Don't think so. The containing sentence is incomplete without the set-off clause: "A thrill of swept over her." Easy to fix though: A thrill of - not of fear, Kaelie marveled, but of exhilaration- swept over her or perhaps, if "a thrill of fear" makes no sense, just: A thrill of - not fear, Kaelie marveled, but exhilaration- swept over her or even A thrill swept over her-- not fear, Kaelie marveled, but exhilaration.
Sorry for the late edits. I kept thinking of improvements. That's how I write. And The Art of Styling Sentences has opened my mind to a lot of possibilities.
Thanks, that helps a lot! I was having one of those "something isn't quite right but I don't know what it is" kinda feelings, lol.
Or even: A crescendo of emotion thundered in her heart -- but not of fear, Kaelie marveled: of exhilaration! or A crescendo of emotion thundered in her heart -- but not, Kaelie marveled, of fear: of exhilaration! Ah, I'm waxing poetic now! But I need better word than thundered.
