1. Lifeline

    Lifeline North of South. Staff Contributor

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    Grammar jokes, give us your best!

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Lifeline, Jun 5, 2016.

    Reposted from going viral in the net...
    But it is just too good :cheerleader:

    =======================================

    Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They Drink. They Leave.

    A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

    A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.

    A Question mark walks into a bar?

    Two Quotation marks "walk into" a bar.

    The bar was walked into by the passive voice.

    The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

    A synoynm ambles into a pub.

    A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking a drink.

    A hyperbole totally ripped into this bar and destroyed everything.

    A run on sentence walks into a bar it is thirsty.

    Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapsed to the bar floor.

    A group of homophones wok inn two a bar.
     
  2. Lifeline

    Lifeline North of South. Staff Contributor

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    And this is just for me :supertongue: "I will always be disappointed that a group of squids is not called a squad":supercheeky:
     
  3. Sack-a-Doo!

    Sack-a-Doo! Contributor Contributor

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    This isn't really a run-on sentence because, for one thing, it doesn't really go on and on the way a run-on sentence should, but also because it's really just two sentences put together without proper punctuation, the kind of punctuation that would be fine and proper for a run-on sentence, but then you likely knew all this (and it's not really a joke) so my explanation is moot (like so many other things I've posted here).
     
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  4. Lifeline

    Lifeline North of South. Staff Contributor

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    Now I do think you have mastered the art of a run on sentence, to be enjoyed and treasured forever by anyone who searches for wisdom in the wrong places, but sadly, not in the nearest bar.
     
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  5. doggiedude

    doggiedude Contributor Contributor

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    Onamonapeia's shoes goes scritt scritt scritt across the floor of the bar. He takes a large swallow of beer & then lets out a loud ahhhhhh.
     
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  6. Auger

    Auger Member

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    A redundant sentence walked into a bar that it walked into.
     
  7. VynniL

    VynniL Contributor Contributor

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    Run-on sentences!!!! I haven't got a joke but I have a very recent true experience relating to it...

    Me: I posted back and added a bit of critique. Hope you don't mind.

    Him: I saw. Although I won't edit my last post, I'll try and write shorter sentences in the future. Run-on sentences and elaborate wording are a part of my style that I have been complimented on, but I will try and simplify.

    Me: People complimented you on run-on sentences...? Who are these people? Writers? But elaborate wording is fine.
    It's not about having to 'simplify', it's about writing well crafted sentences that reads well.

    He deleted me from his friends list minutes later... :ohno:

    Edit - Just to be clear, in case anyone thought I was upset, I was not. I was actually quite amused. This gentleman assured me he was a seasoned writer the day before and I did not know him well. I was left boggled as to if there were such a thing as good run-on sentences... :crazy: :-D
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2016
  8. tumblingdice

    tumblingdice Member

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    *arrests grammar nazi*

    "We finally caught this son of a bitch. Hey, nazi, I've got a sentence for you: prison."

    "That's a fragment, lol".
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2016
  9. cydney

    cydney Banned

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    A guy at work today told me his wife got a ticket for not obeying a four-way stop. On the police transcript her answer: I get off work at 5:00 everyday. Everyone should know I'm coming through here!

    Laughed my friggin ass off. :)
     
  10. Spencer1990

    Spencer1990 Contributor Contributor

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    What's the difference between cats and commas?

    One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
     
  11. Catrin Lewis

    Catrin Lewis Contributor Contributor Community Volunteer

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    And of course we have the old chestnut, which isn't entirely about SPaG....

    Why did the little inkspot cry?

    Because his mama was in the pen, and he didn't know how long the sentence was.

    :write:
     
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  12. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Uncle! Supporter Contributor

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    Not sure if this is what you're looking for, but:

    Harvard University realized that there was a problem with its admissions process. A process that relied heavily on standardized testing (the SAT and ACT tests) was excluding students who, while quite intelligent and determined, hadn't been fortunate enough to go to schools that provided them with the skills to do well on those tests. To remedy this, the university decided to put more weight on a student's class rank within his or her graduating class, reasoning that if someone graduated at or near the top of their class, they'd be much better Harvard material than a middling student from a school that provided test-prep classes.

    As a result of this, Cletus, of Hog's Rump Township High School, gained admission to Harvard. His father was a coal miner, as were his ancestors before him since time immemorial. Cletus was not the first in his family to wear shoes, but his arrival at Harvard marked the first time one of his family had worn a necktie to something other than a wedding or a funeral.

    His first goal was to find some books; he'd re-read every book (all twenty-five of them!) in the Hog's Rump Public Library by the time he entered junior high school. He spotted an upperclassman and approached him.

    "'Scuse me, suh, kin yu tell me whurr the libarry is at?" he asked.

    The upperclassman looked at him and sniffed, "I don't know what cesspit you've come from, but at Harvard, one does not end a sentence with a preposition," and stalked off.

    Cletus thought for a bit, and then hurried to catch up. "Sorry, kin yu tell me whurr the libarry's at... asshole?"
     
  13. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    [​IMG]

    The pedants revolt
     
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  14. Catrin Lewis

    Catrin Lewis Contributor Contributor Community Volunteer

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    They all demand to go through the express checkout.
     
  15. Scot

    Scot Senior Member

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    How to calm down a grammar Nazi.

    There, their, they're.
     

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