A bunch of guys in one of my novels-in-the-making are going wife-hunting, and, since I'm a woman myself, I'd like to hear things from a guy's perspective.
To quote Henry Rollins: "I want a girl that can sit me down, shut-me up, tell me ten things I don't already know, and make me laugh."
Well, the general writing thread description is "Brainstorm ideas and share general writing techniques. Basic resources are allowed in this forum." Technically, I'm asking others to brainstorm for me.
Surely it depends on your characters? I can tell you what I look for in a woman, but it's unlikely that I'm going to feature in your novel... For what it's worth she must be a bit of a bitch who can stand up to me, laughs at my jokes (as opposed to sidtvicious/Rollins' "make me laugh") and must be somewhat attractive.
It depends completely upon the person, for example, to some guys class matters alot so they could never imagine themselves with a lower-class girl. Other people are less class-consciouss so wouldnt even think about that. Some men are attracted to intelligence, others are intimidated by it. Some guys are more shallow than others, some are attracted to obese women (no, not chubby, I mean morbidly obese). A younger me would have described the perfect woman in terms of the way they looked, and then if you asked me to describe them mentally or spritually I wouldnt know how. Now I care more about what they think and feel because I'm getting too old to hook up with a bombshell just to find out later that she's completely nuts or has a head full of rocks. Overall, the whole perfect woman thing is a myth, there are just hits and misses. If she has alot of hits and not so many misses, I'm interested. When it comes to an ideal mate, I'm not gonna list a bunch of things that I look for, because I don't expect to always find them. I expect to be pleasantly surprised.
I would answer this but then everyone might go after my wife. (maybe if I show this reply, I'll get lucky!) LOL Seriously, I think there's a big flaw in your assumption. To me, guys rarely go "hunting" for a wife. Women might think that way (I don't know), but all the guys I knew as a young man had no interest in marriage, kids and a picket fence. Our primary interests had more to do with lust or companionship or "fun", but none of us "planned" to get married. That level of relationship came as a shock, not a concerted effort. When I fell in love with Sue, I remember the moment. I was teaching a blind guy how to play guitar...Jose Feliciano's flamenco-style version of Light My Fire (Door's song)...when two girls came into his house. One was a buxom brunette with a big smile. The other was a sweet, quiet blond who obviously took second fiddle to her outgoing friend. After Sue left his house, I sat quietly, dumbfounded at the realization. Dave noticed that I stopped playing the guitar and shoved me, asking what was wrong. I told him I'd be married to "the blond" within a year. He laughed. "Which one is blond? You forget, I'm blind?" "Sue...she's blond." "You arrogant ass! How do you know she's gonna want to marry you?" "Dave, I'm not arrogant. I'm scared to death!" We were married nine months later...36 years ago. BTW - at the time I met Sue, I was "dating" three women who didn't know about each other. No thoughts about marriage. Kids. Settling down. Just enjoying the bachelor life. Falling in love was the last thing I wanted or expected.
Awesome story, and very true. Thanks for sharing. Young guys generally do not seek an "ideal" woman. They sort of fall into our lives and it's at that point we're faced with the decision to capture the opportunity or let it pass as demonstrated by NaCl's story. Caleb
Thanks, that really helped me understand male psychology better. The guys in my book are going wife-hunting not because they really want to, but because they are expected by their parents to provide heirs and ensure that the family line doesn't die out.
As another woman... let me tell you what a woman is all about; We are soft when we need to be, but solid like a piece of steel too. We cry when we have to, but suck it up when we need too. we raise our kids...and our hubby's for as long as it takes. But let loose the reins when we need to in spite of ourselves. We bleed with our families and come together as needed. We let our loved ones bleed alone when that is what they want. We cry in silence when no one can hear us. We cry out loud when we are listened to. We tend to the wounds of our loved ones, real or emotional. we do not tend to our own and bleed freely for our family. We put all else above our own. We carry our burden like a good soldier and go on. That is a woman. Period.
Offended? No. I have known women who feel this way, and why should their voices be ignored? What message would you give her? Shut up and smile sweetly? Ironically, that would validate what she has said. Personally, I prefer to be with a woman who kicks me in the complacency if I take her for granted, who tells me when she is unhappy, who feels free to goof off when she feels like it, and demands to be an equal partner. But I respect PoleKat's honesty.
Which is why I was thinking "What? No woman is exactly like this. There are respectable women out there who don't match this word-for-word definition and maybe some who don't fit it at all."
I think to find your answer, you should listen to the song "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" by CAKE. =] Now watch me get in trouble...
Someone I can have a real conversation with. Someone who is comfortable being themselves. Honest. Smart. Attractive. Talented in their own way. Someone who keeps it exciting. I like a challenge. Reciprocation.
Helen Gurley Brown was the controversial editor of Cosmo for quite a while, back in 'the day'. She was pretty heavy into the 'Madonna/Whore'. The paradoxical woman who was either one, as required. A mom, loving devoted wife, the glue that held the family and home together ( by day ) and the whore, in the bedroom ( at night ). The woman a man would take home to mom and the woman a man wouldn't take home to mom...all wrapped up into one.
I'd agree with this... younger men don't usually know their hearts so well and although they might have an image in mind of the kind of woman they'd like to be with, in reality it's usually down to circumstances and accidents. I can't imagine a bunch of men going out "wife hunting" in the way you described it either...
Agreed, that's the difference between men and women. It's been said that girls mature faster than boys. As kids girls play games like housemaking and already have in their heads an idea of what their ideal family would be like. This is something that boys don't think about until they're adult+. They don't start liking girls until before puberty, really like girls during puberty, spend their teenage years and early adulthood trying to get girls. There are some of us, like Bill Maher, who are not keen on the idea of marriage because he thinks of it as a kind of institution. Then there are people like me who are beginning to feel their age and have all their glories behind them and don't want to die alone. I don't have an ideal mate, I am willing to settle down, but I'm not easy or willing to compromise too much.
