OK, from what Bayview and the others have told me in the other thread, I have trouble with dialogue structure. Specifically I struggle with comma splices, an abuse of the non-'he said'/'she said', where I'm relying on it way too much and I tend to ramble on with expositional dialogue. I think I now understand how to avoid unnecessary comma splices and ways to convey dialogue and action without the "...he gasped"/"...she moaned" repetition, but I'm still having trouble with the expository dialogue. Aren't they supposed to be important when conveying information to the readers? True it's information the characters should know, but the readers don't. ChickenFreak suggested I'd post two brief excerpts from the fantasy story I'm working on here for you all to look at and, hopefully, give me feedback on how to improve my dialogue structure so it's not as...rambling. I also put them in spoiler tags forconveniences. ******** Spoiler Chapter One {Ikaya} “Your students did a five-minute long musical number?” Ikaya asked with astonishment. She had conducted various sermons in the Temple, even sang solo sermons herself but that was to be expected. A professor from one of the oldest, most accredited universities in Alkoria allowing his students to sing and dance, however, was the opposite. She tried to imagine the students in their starched, stiffed-up tunic and robes hopping around singing their lungs out. No, no it was too absurd. Impossible. Lemex took note of her befuddled expression and smile. “Yes, with lights and dramatic voices all, my dear,” he said with a chortle, then drew in another puff of smoke from his cigar. “Young Miss Valmorn was quite the star, if I recall.” he looked out at the horizon, his thoughts trailing back to the memory. “She stood on that table, arms outstretched as she bellowed out lyrics to the Pégan Epic.” Ikaya's ears tilted back as she cupped her mouth with her paw to hide the laughter. The Epic was a sad tale of a hero's rise and fall from grace as he was hoodwinked by both a rival clan and the souls of Marghim's realm to destroy his own people. It wasn't something to be ‘bellowed out’ by a teenaged girl standing on a desk in her university class. “Did she at least end the song with some dignity?” Lemex shook his head. “No. She dramatized Pégan's death by falling off the table, clutching at her side and wailing ‘I die!’ over and over again.” he paused, then continued. “You must understand, my dear, that it goes both ways. While I do expect my students to listen and heed the lectures, I am willing to let them do what they will to understand it. If that means Miss Valmorn and her friends do a song and dance routine, then that is what must be done. The class thoroughly enjoyed it, I'll have you know.” Ikaya sighed, then turned to look at the skyscrapers under construction, the factories in the horizon in the industrial part of the city. The sky was a soft reddish haze. She looked up, heart sinking. As a young kit, she could see the planet's colorful rings, white, purple, and glowing blue at around this hour. Her parents told her they were placed there by the goddess to keep their blessed creation in check; to keep it from hurdling into the sun. No longer. She could not see the rings, even if she squinted through a powerful telescope where she remembered them being. Were they still there? Did the goddess remove them as punishment? Her eyes nervously flicked to where the sun, now an orange glow, was almost behind the mountains. It looked closer, closer than she had remembered. Or maybe it was just her imagination playing tricks on her? She wrapped her tail around her ankle. Are we doomed? Ikaya thought, folding her hands on her stomach. Will Arthéa allow the planet to smash into the sun? She closed her eyes. Arthéa, most High Creator and Blesser of Life, please protect us. Don't let us perish. Don't damn us into Marghim's realm... The fear mounted in her stomach as the heat rose hotter and hotter. The planet was surely hurdling towards the sun at a speed with which she couldn't comprehend. What she did comprehend was that everything on the planet would die from the smallest microbe to the largest creatures in Alkoria. The sun would kill them all instantly. Then, the ground moved. “Ikaya,” Lemex said sharply as his hand grabbed her forearm. She yelped, opened her eyes and saw that her paws were enveloped in shimmering auras as they clasped the beam. She turned her head and saw the look of concern in her old friend's eyes. “What troubles you? You don't look well at all.” Ikaya took a shuddering breath and straightened up. Her thoughts were beginning to clear. “I'm all right, Lemex. I'm all right, I...” she looked back at the factories, the fear gnawing in her stomach. “Forgive my intrusion, but do I suspect some Aquani paranoia?” Lemex asked. The fur on Ikaya's neck stiffened at this perceived insult. What would he, a human, an Alkorian, know about the Aquani? The slender, otter-ish-like race that lived in the everglades around the world? Lemex held out a hand and bowed his head. “Forgive me, it was wrong of me to presume, Ikaya.” “No...you're right. Aquani superstition. Our old sages would warn of the Goddess' punishment should we fail her and... I feel she will in time.” Lemex laughed and gently clapped her shoulder. “Ikaya, I don't believe Arthéa would punish you. She's given you so much to be blessed for. A stable home, a wonderful, illustrious job at the Temple and,” he held up a finger, “a wonderful Rejormi child to call your own.” Ikaya's heart warmed at the mentioning of her Rejormi child. “Mishu has grown up to be a crafty young girl. Strong-willed, cunning. Very loyal to her peers. Once you're her friend, she'll do whatever she can for you.” “Indeed.” Lemex said after another puff from his cigar. “What's remarkable is how she seems to spit in the face of any and all odds. If I recall correctly, did the Temple Elders not condemn her? When she was first brought in?” “Don't remind me of that.” Ikaya stiffened at the horrible memory. Mishu was barely four-years-old, barely living with a cracked open skull and multiple fractures up and down her body. She had been rescued from a harrowing carriage accident where the stagecoach she and her family were in got stuck on the edge of a cliff and fell over. Ikaya was the one who had found her, had brought her quickly into the Temple for healing. Even if she were healed, the Elders had said, she would be almost incapable of taking care of herself. Fortunately through Arthéa's Mercy and Ikaya's stubbornness to not give up on the poor girl, Mishu somehow made it through. The accident left her completely blind with a leg that never healed right so she would walk with a slight limp for the rest of her life. “But she's alive now, Ikaya," Lemex said gently. “Alive and doing good things for Alkoria, for this city. What more could we ask from her?” “You're right. Mishu's doing a good thing for the city.” Ikaya looked at Lemex. “There's nothing we need to worry about.” Spoiler “Arthéa,” Ikaya collapsed in a chair, her paws trembling in her lap. Gregreo was in her office, standing near the doorway with his hands clasped behind his back. Ikaya behind her desk of books, a candle, and a quill inside its inkstand. The Aquani's eyes were filled with unmistakeable fear at the news. “My child? Possessed?” Gregreo nodded. “The being said it was a Helveton, a servant of the God of the underworld.” “This demon doesn't serve anyone.” Ikaya shook her head. “It's chaotic, it-" Ikaya shot up from her seat and hurried out. Gregreo balked at this sudden interruption as he watched her hurry towards a side chamber. She stopped, turned to him and beckoned with a paw. “Come on, I need you to see something.” ~*~ “She was here.” Ikaya said with a low voice. Gregreo barely heard her, being a bit behind and desperately pawing at the damp walls, feeling his way through the dark. His right hand balanced a torch spell, but that did little to ease the ensnaring panic that welled up in his stomach. He forced himself to breath deeply, through his nose and out his mouth just like he learned in meditation. “Are you struggling with your breathing?” Ikaya asked as he finally caught up with her. Gregreo nodded quickly, not wishing to discuss it further. Ikaya narrowed her eyes at him, then pointed a clawed finger at a small spot on the ground near a grave. “A book?” Gregreo gasped heavily, wiping the sweat from his forehead. “What are you doing to my child?” Ikaya snipped, went over to pick up the book. “It's a book written in the Herman'cha, the alphabet for the blind.” “Does it say anything?” Gregreo asked, wishing to Marghim they'd get out of here. Irritably, Ikaya flipped open the book, put a claw in the middle of a page. “Yes, it says right here that Mishu Jerni is the one foretold by ancient prophecies to single-handedly rid Alkoria of the evils that plague it.” She slammed the book shut. “It's a fantasy book about a group of Chosen Ones from different kingdoms who unite to save the whole planet.” Gregreo clenched his jaw tightly, he could've done without the sarcasm. “I'm sorry, Ikaya, I'm just trying to help.” “I don't know any more than you do, Lord Valmorn,” Ikaya emphasized the ‘lord’ with sarcasm. Gregreo couldn't help but chuckle at that. “I've no idea why Mishu's been here, she's was never supposed to be here. Only those blessed with the proper charms can enter unmolested.” “She must've come here for a reason. I wouldn't think she'd disobey a tenant of the Temple, if anything else... She wouldn't want to upset you. She still loves you.” Ikaya said nothing. With a deep breath, she clutched the book tighter in her chest. Gregreo could almost see her brain mulling it over as she looked at the ceiling of the catacomb. The uneasy tension was still building in Gregreo, he eyed every dark shadow, wondering if they were about to be ambushed by some shambling undead monstrosity. His mind played back a cruel prank done to him as a child by someone he once called a friend. Locked in a catacomb with a shambling corpse chasing him. Had he not used his wits and gotten out of there, he would've perished. His free hand tightened into a fist. He had found the traitor some time later and dealt with him the only way he felt deserving. Pure blunt force. No magic, no swordsmanship. Just his bare hands. The child was a Necrotha, one who could manipulate the dead. If anyone had resurrected that corpse, it was him. Hopefully no one would manipulate him... A soft, furry tap on his cheek broke him from his thoughts. Ikaya was closer now with a look of concern. “Let me come with you to your manor. I need to speak with Mishu, personally.” Gregreo nodded and almost bolted into a sprint from the catacombs had Ikaya not gotten in front of him. He settled for a brisk, hurried walk as close as he could to her without getting tangled up in her tail. Once out of the catacombs, Gregreo laid flat against the wall taking in deep lungfuls of the cool refreshing air while Ikaya performed the spells to reseal the door. Mishu was in there, by Arthéa's mercy! She had no idea of the danger she had put herself in, what luck no one sealed her in unknowingly. He gazed at Ikaya. “If it takes specially trained priests to enter the catacombs, how did she get in?” “That's what we intend to find out,” Ikaya said, visibly disturbed. “I don't doubt she's a bright girl, but someone with her level of training should not be able to do that.”
I promise I'll get to dialogue. Also, if it looks like I'm ignoring your first excerpt, that's because I started with the second one, the one you posted in the other thread. But before dialogue, there's an issue that is distracting me in evaluating the rest of the piece: You occasionally include the actions of more than one character in the same paragraph. Changing paragraphs when you change characters probably isn't mandatory, but it's the usual convention, and I think that challenging that convention is creating confusion here, and not buying you anything. This may also be relevant to the dialogue issue--mixing the two characters into one paragraph may be muddying your dialogue, hampering you and the reader in distinguishing between each character's manner of speech. If the reader has to puzzle out who said something, they're distracted from drawing character information from the words. Example: In your first paragraph you have either two or three (who is "the Aquani"? Ikaya?) characters' actions in one paragraph. I'm not positive who made either of the two remarks in the paragraph. I suspect that they were both made by the same person, and it seems fairly likely that that person was Ikaya, but I'm not positive. An example of dividing to paragraph-per-character: Ikaya collapsed in the chair behind her desk, behind heaps of books, a candle, and a quill inside its inkstand. Her paws were trembling in her lap and her eyes were filled with unmistakable fear at the news. "Arthea? My child? Possessed?" Gregreo nodded. He stood near the doorway with his hands clasped behind his back. “The being said it was a Helveton, a servant of the God of the underworld.” Ikaya shook her head. “This demon doesn't serve anyone. It's chaotic, it--" She shot up from her seat and hurried out. Gregreo balked at this sudden... I realize that now all the paragraphs start with the character's name; changing that would probably be part of the rewrite. ("Arthea? My child? Possessed?" Ikaya collapsed... "This demon doesn't..." Ikaya shot up... Balking at this sudden whatsit, Gregreo... and so on.) Second, I'm seeing what I see as unnecessary material: Unnecessary detail, redundancy, and unnecessary explanations. I think that most of this may be you having a lack of faith in your ability to convey information without explaining it. Examples of explanations: - not wishing to discuss it further. - wishing to Marghim they'd get out of here. - he could've done without the sarcasm. - with sarcasm. - couldn't help but This sort of thing can usually be made clear with dialogue, actions, or internal character thought, without any narrative explanation needed. In most of these cases, it's clear without anything at all being needed. A specific example of redundancy: - hurried out - watched her hurry towards These are saying the same thing, in the same paragraph. And they could be combined with the stop-and-beckon. For example: Ikaya shook her head. “This demon doesn't serve anyone. It's chaotic, it--" She shot up from her seat and hurried into a side chamber, gesturing him to follow. "Come on. I need you to see something." This finally leads me to dialogue. Even when characters use the same dialogue and dialect, the mood behind their speech can be very different. What if you decided that Ikaya had a clipped, rapid, informal, not-so-polite sort of speech? Let's rewrite that paragraph: Ikaya shook her head. “No. No. You don't get it. This kind doesn't serve. It's chaotic. It... Oh!" She shot up from her seat and hurried through a side door, gesturing him to follow. "C'mon. C'mon. Come look." I'll mess with other remarks from Ikaya, using this changed voice: “Are you struggling with your breathing?” Ikaya asked changes to "Wow, you're wheezing. Need to stop?" “It's a book written in the Herman'cha, the alphabet for the blind.” changes to "That? It's a book. Herman'cha. The alphabet, you know, the one for the blind?" “Yes, it says right here that Mishu Jerni is the one foretold by ancient prophecies to single-handedly rid Alkoria of the evils that plague it.” She slammed the book shut. “It's a fantasy book about a group of Chosen Ones from different kingdoms who unite to save the whole planet.” changes to "Shush and let me read. Yes. 'Ancient phrophecy tells us that Mishu Jerni shall cleanse Alkoria'..." She fell silent for a moment, running a finger along the page, then slammed it shut. "Blah de blah de blah. It's a Chosen One fantasy, superhero types that get together to save a planet. You know. Probably worthless." She peered closer at him. "Wow, you're looking really pale. You going to barf?" I realize that I'm using modern-day speech and your setting may not allow that. But even without the availability of 'barf' or 'wow' or 'blah de blah', the rapid clipped sentences and the informal attitude should be possible, if less easily achieved. And in contrast, Gregreo could use long formal sentences. He could be formal and deferential, or formal and condescending, or formal and bossy. An example of how I might see him: “The being said it was a Helveton, a servant of the God of the underworld.” changes to "In our conversation, the creature insisted that it was a type called a Helveton, one that serves the God of the undeworld." “Does it say anything?” changes to "Do you plan to enlighten me as to the contents of the book? I'm happy to stand here, the walls of your catacomb dripping on my head, but it seems to me that we could research this more comfortably in your office." “I'm sorry, Ikaya, I'm just trying to help.” changes to "I do apologize. If my participation hampers your efforts, I expect that I would be able to find something to occupy my time. You might find my home dismayingly warm, dry, and light-filled, but my tastes do run along those lines." Going on to the first excerpt: Ikaya's detailed thoughts in the first paragraph seem distracting. She's astonished, but do the readers have to know exactly why she's astonished? If you need just a fraction more information, perhaps you could add just a few words: “Your students did a musical number? You allow them to dance?” Lemex took note of her befuddled expression This seems to be from Lemex's point of view, and I think this is supposed to be from Ikaya's POV? I realize that in theory Ikaya can notice Lemex noticing Ikaya's expression, but that seems unnecessarily twisty-turny. his thoughts trailing back to the memory This seems to be from Lemex's point of view again. The Epic was a sad tale of This seems like another distraction from the conversation. I think that it would work better to try to find a few more words of dialogue to make this clear, and eliminate the narrative explanation. Random example: Ikaya cupped her mouth with her paw to hide the laughter. "At fifteen? My professor insisted that no one under the age of sixty could possibly do justice to that role. Did she at least end the song with some dignity?” I do feel that both characters tend to have the same voice here. That's not necessarily a bad thing; they seem to be friends, so they may have a world view and conversational style in common. But it would be an issue for all characters to have a similar voice. They could be shifted a bit if you wanted--for example, Ikaya more questioning and deferential, Lemex more authoritarian and determined to explain things. Ikaya sighed, then turned to look at I was uncertain about Gregreo's reflection on his claustrophobia experience, and I'm similarly uncertain about this train of thought--the paragraphs that start with "Ikaya sighed...", "Are we doomed..." and "The fear mounted..". I don't think that the issue is that these things have no place in the writing; they do have a place. I thought that the issue was that they were mis-placed, but it seems that the whole point of this one is that Ikaya does drift away in mid-conversation, so this is the place to place it. So what's my problem? Is it too long? Is it too much of a mix of narrator explanation and character thought? I'm going to suggest "too long". I'm thinking that if you cut those three paragraphs to one or two, and the total length to half or less, you'd be forced to narrow to the most important content, and they would probably have more impact. And I suspect that if I saw the narrowed piece, I would then suggest that they focus more on emotion and less on facts. The fur on Ikaya's neck stiffened at this perceived insult. What would he, a human, an Alkorian, know about the Aquani? The slender, otter-ish-like race that lived in the everglades around the world? I'm more confident of my opinion about the above: This is, to me, narrative intrusion. This information should be provided some other way. I don't know what other way, no. But I don't know that you actually need it here, at least in this level of detail. - “a wonderful Rejormi child to call your own.” - Ikaya's heart warmed at the mentioning of her Rejormi child. The second mention of "Rejormi child" is redundant. It's clear that "Mishu" is the Remorji child, without that second mention. There'd be plenty of context with: Ikaya's heart warmed. "Mishu has..." And similarly, I feel that you can lose almost all the background in the paragraph that starts with: “Don't remind me of that.” IMO, you could replace that entire paragraph with just: Ikaya stiffened. “Don't remind me of that.” If you want to clarify the life-threatening injuries here, you could get that with, again, a few more words of dialogue: “Indeed.” Lemex said after another puff from his cigar. “What's remarkable is how she seems to spit in the face of any and all odds. If I recall correctly, did the Temple Elders not condemn her as incurable? When she was first brought in after the accident?” Ikaya stiffened. “Don't remind me of that. It was a year before they could be persuaded that a blind child should be permitted to live, and then they tried to argue about her limp!" “But she's alive now, Ikaya," Lemex said gently. “Alive and doing good things for Alkoria, for this city. What more could we ask from her?” OK, my brain seems to be emptied out now.
@ChickenFreak = Thank you so much for this information, this was what I needed. You're right. I do have a rather nasty habit of jumping POVs within paragraph as well as the urge to cram in a lot of backstory information in the narrative and the dialogue rather than just letting the characters and dialogue go with the flow. The fur on Ikaya's neck stiffened at this perceived insult. What would he, a human, an Alkorian, know about the Aquani? The slender, otter-ish-like race that lived in the everglades around the world? Looking at it now, I could easily re-write it to: "You have a problem with us marsh-folk?" Ikaya raised an eyebrow. Hopefully it's a bit tighter and more-to-the point and, more importantly, it doesn't feel like I'm breaking into the narrative to quickly give a summary of what she's supposed to be. Plus, a quick mentioning of her paw would no doubt have keyed to the readers that she's clearly not human. Skimming through it now, I also agree that both Gregreo's and Mishu's backstories can easily be cut out; I've a whole book to delve into that if I so wished, no need to cram it in in the first few pages. Especially with Mishu and her injuries considering she appears in the second chapter. Show, don't tell and all. As for the redundancy. Wow, I didn't even realize it. o_o Good catch, will keep an eye on that. For some reason, there's a small part of me that is convinced that if I don't spell it out to the readers right this moment, they are going to miss it, hence the random info-dumping and repeated phrases. Very stupid and likely offensive. And that bit about Ikaya's worries about them smashing into the sun is gonna go, no worries. It doesn't fit at all with the narrative. Speaking of jumping between POVs, I suppose there are better ways to show what the POV characters are seeing. For instance: Lemex took note of her befuddled expression could easily be changed into something like, Ikaya watched the old professor's face harden. "You don't know the story?" he asked. "I would've thought it'd be one of the first parables the Temple taught." Lastly, I'm not going to lie, but I laughed out loud with tears after reading the re-written lines with an impolite, informal Ikaya and a formal, condescending Gregreo. "Dismayingly warm..." "The walls of your catacombs dripping on my head..." I see what you're saying, though. The way they talk and act to each other can convey a lot of meaning without any narrative intrusion at all. Again, thank you so much. You've given me a lot to think about.
Holy mud. Well I opened this thread this morning, intending to tackle the issue ...and @ChickenFreak beat me to it ...and how. As usual, she's hit the nails straight on the head. I'd say the very first thing to do is follow her advice and go through the piece separating each speaker/action from any other speaker/action with a paragraph change. If nothing else, that will make who is saying what as clear as a bell. Then you can work on what is being said, and how best to convey it. Don't be afraid to split action-speech-action in a paragraph. If the dialogue is fast and furious, that probably isn't a good idea, but if there is a lot of action interspersed with dialogue, it works well. Why? Because it is clear who the paragraph will feature, right at the beginning. If you start with the speech : "Arthea? My child? Possessed?" for a second we aren't sure who is saying it. That's not bad, as long as the speech is very short and is followed by the attribution. Ikaya collapsed in the chair behind her desk, behind heaps of books, a candle, and a quill inside its inkstand. It's obvious, quickly, who is speaking, so this works. But if the speech goes on for several sentences, the reader can get confused if they're not sure who is speaking. So if it's a long speech, it's a good idea to start with the action, and follow it with the 'speech.' Or break it up with more action. There are four ways to write this paragraph, without changing any of the wording. "Arthea? My child? Possessed?" Ikaya collapsed in the chair behind her desk, behind heaps of books, a candle, and a quill inside its inkstand. Her paws were trembling in her lap and her eyes were filled with unmistakable fear at the news. Ikaya collapsed in the chair behind her desk, behind heaps of books, a candle, and a quill inside its inkstand. "Arthea? My child? Possessed?" Her paws were trembling in her lap and her eyes were filled with unmistakable fear at the news. Ikaya collapsed in the chair behind her desk, behind heaps of books, a candle, and a quill inside its inkstand. Her paws were trembling in her lap and her eyes were filled with unmistakable fear at the news. "Arthea? My child? Possessed?" and four, which is a bit trickier, because this short speech is split, and might not make sense. This form works better with longer speeches, when the context is crystal-clear. But just to show the form: "Arthea? My child?" Ikaya collapsed in the chair behind her desk, behind heaps of books, a candle, and a quill inside its inkstand. "Possessed?" Her paws were trembling in her lap and her eyes were filled with unmistakable fear at the news. I think the first three work fine, and how you use them depends on what comes before and after. You don't want to repeat the same formula over and over, paragraph after paragraph, because sooner or later this will call attention to itself. The fourth one might not be the best choice for this particular dialogue/action portrayal, because "Arthea? My child?" could mean Ikaya was directly addressing the child, or lots of other things as well. Again, strive for clarity. I'd say get this paragraph structure thing down, to where it's second nature to you to split speakers into separate paragraphs. Then work on the rest of what ChickenFreak has so rightly suggested. Avoid explanations that aren't necessary, and allow the reader to infer feelings and thoughts through dialogue, as she has illustrated. Also, as she has suggested, see what you can do about incorporating information into the dialogue—but you do need to be careful with this one. Dialogue can turn into an infodump, if the speaker tells another character something that other character already knows. "When we both attend the Beethoven concert tonight at 8pm in the Royal Concert Hall, we will need to wear our best formal gear." Okay, nothing wrong with that sentence, but chances are the person at the other end of this dialogue probably knows it's a Beethoven concert at the Royal Hall at 8pm that they're planning to attend. The new information is about the formal dress, which is what would be the crux of that speech. "They won't let us in to the concert tonight, unless we're in formal dress. Is your tuxedo ready?" An info-dump presented as dialogue can sound stilted and unconvincing. So do be careful about incorporating that kind of information in dialogue. However, it can be done—and done well—if the other character does NOT know this information and needs to be told. "The Beethoven concert?" Sara's voice rose in annoyance. "Why? Don't you ever check the calendar? I don't know why I bother writing anything down. It's at 8pm tonight at the Royal Concert Hall. You do realise we need to turn up in formal gear, or they won't let us in," she added, more calmly. "Is your tuxedo ready?"
Ah, I had not realized that. My formula seems to be mostly one thing or another (action, then dialogue or dialogue, then action). How often should you mix it up so it's no so stale? I've also just noticed that Ikaya's "Arthea? My child? Possessed?" makes it sound like Arthea (the goddess of the setting) is Ikaya's adopted child, not Mishu (the person they're talking about.) Which is...kind of weird. Yeah. Let's just say I've learned a lot about dialogue structure within the last few weeks all thanks to you fine folks. @Nightstar99 - Ikaya's supposed to be a beast-folk, so she's got fur instead of human skin. I used 'paws' instead of 'hands' as the latter is more of a human extremity.
Well, yes. That's how I read it. As if Arthea was Ikaya's daughter. That might be down to the fact that this is an excerpt rather than the beginning of your story. However, it's good to pay attention to this kind of thing. If the reader gets confused, no matter how well you think you've written something, you should attempt to address the problem in some way. I wouldn't be too concerned here, though, if your reader is well-aware of the relationship between Arthea and Ikaya by this point in the story. I'd concentrate on untangling the threads of who is saying what, before you tackle the other issues. It will become second nature, once you recognise how to do this. As to varying the formula, again, that's something you'll develop an 'ear' for as you write. There isn't any rule to follow. It all depends on the effect you want to create in each exchange of dialogue. Your first real problem here is your readers' inability to follow your story because we don't know who is speaking. Get that structural problem sorted, and the rest will be fun!
