Hello all, Does the following sentence make sense... Can I follow 'But with the...' with a question? e.g. But with the planet becoming deadly, will they survive for long? or But with the planet deadly, will they survive for long? I can't figure out if it sounds/is right, and could do with some help. Thanks in advance.
It's okay. Though that second one sounds funny, almost like some phrase is missing before "deadly." You're using a couple of different structures. Take this simple sentence: He will go to the bar with his bros.becomes . . . With his bros, he will go to the bar.turn it into a question . . . With his bros, will he go to the bar?and lead into it with a conjunction . . . But with his bros, will he go to the bar?And that's all fine. (Your sentence has more logic to it than mine.) Though your old English teachers said not to begin a sentence with a conjunction, it happens all the time. Statistics have been done on pro books, and something like 10% of all sentences there start with conjunctions.
Thank you so much for the help! Really appreciate it So this is ok: But with the planet becoming deadly, will they survive for long? Do you think it would sound better as (I'm not sure it does...): But will they survive for long with the planet becoming deadly?
The first one works for me. I once heard something like this in a documentary: With the savanna growing driers and drier, do they stand a chance of survival?
There's this one phrase weakening it, the planet becoming deadly. It doesn't sound that natural to me. Switch in something that's more to the point. But will they survive for long with the oceans still rising? But will they survive for long with the mountainside crumbling? But will they survive for long with the atmosphere warming? Something like that. I don't know what you have going on in that story. It sounds like some kind of grand catastrophe. Just spell it out. When you switch the order of the phrases, you change the focus. You're still asking the same general question, but you're putting emphasis on the ending. But will they survive for long with the oceans still rising? (more emphasis on the environment) But with the oceans still rising, will they survive for long? (more emphasis on the people) Both are perfectly fine. It just depends on what fits your paragraph.
I always find 'becoming' an awkward and passive word so the second is stronger and tighter. Starting with but (whilst is now acceptable) is weak though. Try flipping it to see what you think. You'd have to rethink 'deadly' too. It's kind of a nondescript word. In all honesty, I think it's too much for one small sentence to handle well. It looks more like something you should dedicate a paragraph to.
