Hi Everyone! I'm writing a light school comedy and need to describe a gym instructor who is usually really nice but has a strange quirk/rule where he would flip out if a student showed up late to class. The whole passage seems a bit clunky to me but I'm doing my re-write and got stuck on the sentence in bold. While I think it gets the idea across, it's a bit abrupt and not really picking up where the last sentence left off. I'd like to say something more along the lines of, "but he's not nice all the time," or "while he's nice, everyone has a breaking point/quirk/weakspot." The sentence that follows it (1st line of last paragraph) also isn't a great transition so if anybody has any suggestions for that line or any other part of the passage please let me know. I really appreciate it as I still have much to learn. Thank you! NOTE: Using fake character names to keep things anonymous. Instructor Kent waited by the courtyard checking his watch. His students were already off on their morning jog down a hiking trail that ran alongside the academy. Normally, he would be out there jogging with them, but today two of his students were late so Kent had to stay behind. Standing there alone, he was left to decide what to do with the late comers when they arrive. Clark Kent has a reputation for being the nicest instructor on campus. With his friendly personality and easy-going nature, he is often seen as “one of the guys” among his students. That is, assuming they don’t break his number one rule: Never be late to class. There was a reason for this. Along the perimeter of Luthor University, are two separate running trails: one for men and one for women. The two almost never cross paths except for a tiny intersection in the middle where the runners could see over to the other side. It is at this intersection where, if Clark's class started on-time, he would catch a glimpse of female physed Instructor Lois Lane leading her students down the crossroad.
It reads fine to me. But why is that whole paragraph in the present tense whereas everything else is in past tense?
Ugh, because I'm still learning to catch myself from switching tense for no reason. If I correct it, should I make "That is" to "That was" in the last sentence or keep it as is? Clark Kent has a reputation for being the nicest instructor on campus. With his friendly personality and easy-going nature, he was often seen as “one of the guys” among his students. That is, assuming they don’t break his number one rule: Never be late to class.
Clark Kent has a reputation for being the nicest instructor on campus. he was often seen as “one of the guys due to his friendly personality and easy-going nature, among his students. That is, assuming they don’t break his number one rule: Never be late to class.
Clark Kent had a reputation for being the nicest instructor on campus. With his friendly personality and easy-going nature, he was often seen as “one of the guys” among his students. That is, assuming they didn't break his number one rule: never be late to class. There's your verb fixes. "This is" is idiomatic. It's just a phrase whose tense doesn't really matter. The last line's tense is held within "didn't," past tense. Your lines flow okay to me. . . I guess you could kill some padding in there. I don't think it's critical though. If I were to look at anything to increase flow, I would make some of the sentences more absolute. Everything is very softly stated. (A 'reputation' is not concrete, 'often seen' is not always seen, 'assuming' is just a possibility). That would join your sentences a tiny bit tighter by having a different tone to some of them. It's the contrasts that hold sentences together. Clark Kent was the kindest instructor on campus. With his friendly personality and easy-going nature, he was just “one of the guys” to his students. That is, assuming they didn't break his number one rule: never be late to class. So now you have absolute, absolute, and possibility. I guess the first line could have even stayed as it was . . . There's lots of options there. I just chose the simplest. It's not necessarily the best. Books and websites will say that sentence flow comes solely from sentence length, but IMO there's a lot more to it than that. Though, as kind of a bonus, in my edits the lengths are varied more too.
Thank you so much, Seven Crowns! You always give helpful advice on how to keep things simple which I love. I often struggle with choosing tenses like this: Clark Kent had/has a reputation for being the nicest instructor on campus. How should I think about it to know had is the proper tense vs has?
Thank you! I read throught that guide and also found this one that helped me better understand the difference from http://www.differencebetween.net: 'Has' is the third person singular present tense of 'have' while 'had' is the third person singular past tense and past participle of 'have.' 2. Both are transitive verbs, but 'has' is used in sentences that talk about the present while 'had' is used in sentences that talk about the past. I was once taught that "has = was and still is" while "had = was" so I was confused on whether I should say "has" if I'm thinking that "Clark was and still is the nicest instructor on campus." But according to differencebetween.net that definition was probably wrong. The way they explain it is that "has = third person of have in present tense" while "had = third person of have in past tense," which would mean it would always be proper to use "had" when describing anything past tense. This clears it up much better. Is this everyone's understanding as well?
You're overthinking it. If the story is written in the past tense, you should generally always use the past tense, except in dialogue.
My understanding is....Steve met with the crew at the shop..past tense Steve had met with the crew at the shop...past perfect
To me, focusing on the bolded sentence, it is awkward. “That is”, at least in the Southwest US, implies a continuation so one should not start a sentence that way. One other thing I saw was “physed”. Is that a new word, or “phys-ed”?
Thanks! Do you have any recommendations on how to make the bold sentence less awkward in your opinion? Yes, physed and phys-ed mean the same and I've seen both spellings but I can easily make that change.
Physed is okay. All you have to do is google it and see. I often use google as a spell check when I can’t get the word close enough to have word correct it. As far as using bold type in a sentence I agree with @KiraAnn that he would indicate something to follow. I use it along with a scene break to indicate there is also a change in POV. I read Tom Clancy and that’s where I got the idea of use a bold type for the first few words.
I don't think the question was about bold typing. The question was about the word choice "That is" at the beginning of the sentence because the only reason the sentence is in bold is to indicate which question was being discussed on the forum.
Yes, my comment was about word choice. The OP indicated the bolded sentence was of concern, so I assumed the balding was to focus attention on an awkward phrasing for help. I suggest not making a separate sentence and make it “, unless they break his number one rule:” As for the “physed” part, call me old-fashioned but I don’t care for it. I’ve seen “Phys-Ed”, “PhysEd”, but not “physed”. The latter looks like a made up word. And would a university have physical education instructors? I have seen “physical training coaches” but only for athletic scholarship students, and not for general academic students.
