1. FutureAuthor

    FutureAuthor New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2016
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0

    Help Writing Villiains/Antogonist

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by FutureAuthor, Nov 14, 2016.

    I need help with writing villains.

    Like i have so many ideas of villains and they motivations and desires and wants but i dont know how to write them in.
    Here is a 1st basic example, A hitman wants to kill a boy (his target), my character job is to protect him.

    My problem is, my character moves the boy into his home to watch over him, the hitman breaks into his home and tries to kill the boy and my character and the hitman gets into a fight....hitman gets away, boy is safe...for now.

    So the character decides to move him and the boy to his girlfriend house since the hitman knows where he stays. Hitman pops up again and another fight happens...this time the character girlfriend mom gets killed, boy gets hurt and my character gets seriously wounded.

    At this point like its just repetitive... they keep trying to hide and hitman somehow keeps finding them, they fight, hitman backs away until the perfect time to strike again.

    Like wouldnt readers get tired of the hitman just popping up out of the blue?..I mean i see it happen sooooo many times in movies and tv shows but idk if thats fine to do

    WHAT AM I DOING WRONG HERE? can someone help me flush this out?
     
  2. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2016
    Messages:
    18,139
    Likes Received:
    21,132
    Location:
    East devon/somerset border
    look at other examples of the genre like the Good Guy by Dean Koontz , Edge by Jeffery Deaver , or The Watchman by Robert Crais (many other examples) what they all have in common is that theres an explanation for how the bad guy or guys are tracking them.

    You've also got a plausibility problem about why the protector takes the boy to his house or his girlfriends place as that's not exactly bodyguard behavior - generally they'd set up an anonymous safe house or stay in a low rent no questions asked hotel
     
  3. Lea`Brooks

    Lea`Brooks Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    May 11, 2013
    Messages:
    2,938
    Likes Received:
    1,961
    Location:
    Virginia, United States
    I think you could only have the hitman pop up twice before it becomes annoying to the reader. So you'll have to fill the space in other ways.

    What's happening in the rest of the story? Is it literally just this guy trying to protect a kid from the hitman? If so, that's you're problem. Ask yourself questions to help drive the plot.

    Why is it this guy's responsibility to protect the kid? Why aren't the police involved? If this guy is the police, why isn't the kid in a safe house? Why does the hitman want the kid? Are they trying to figure this out? Why are they just sitting by? Are they waiting for the hitman to just give up? Are they trying to figure out a way to stop him?

    Lots of unanswered questions you can explore and expand on.
     
  4. Sack-a-Doo!

    Sack-a-Doo! Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2015
    Messages:
    2,419
    Likes Received:
    1,644
    Location:
    [unspecified]
    Besides protecting the boy, what is your protagonist trying to do? All the other 'pop up out of nowhere' stuff might work if the protagonist is also trying to accomplish something related to the boy or his plight.

    It's kind of like football. Defense is fine, but without offense, scoring is practically impossible.
     
  5. ddavidv

    ddavidv Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2013
    Messages:
    437
    Likes Received:
    310
    Location:
    Pennsylvania, USA
    The hitman entering the picture repeatedly may be okay if it isn't the same formula every time. You have him enter a house, get into a fight and then escape (basically). Why not have them meet in other ways? The bodyguard can move the boy repeatedly while the hitman somehow always seems to find them. He can make attempts while they are moving from place to place. The timing or pacing of the encounters is important.

    I'll give a movie example: The Hitcher (1986 version). In the movie the Hitcher repeatedly encounters the unlucky MC in varying ways. Hitching, then in a passing car, then in a restaurant, then a gas station and on and on. The thing I like about this movie is the timing; the movie gets you wound up in an altercation, then pauses, then just when you think its safe BAM the Hitcher is back again, ramming your car with a pickup truck out of nowhere. As a viewer I sort of shrug off or forget the how does he always find him? question. I'm too busy being tied up with the action of the next attack. Each encounter is subtly different, slowly altering the MC's responses until the tension has been built so high only an explosive conclusion can result. The story is arguably implausible but I'm having so much fun with the cat and mouse aspect I don't care.

    I think if your characters are just sitting somewhere lying in wait for the hitman it will not be a great story. They have to try to out think each other.
     
    Iain Aschendale and Simpson17866 like this.
  6. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Aunt? Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2015
    Messages:
    16,550
    Likes Received:
    31,989
    Location:
    Plot 1369, Staff Yasukuni
    One thing that's lacking in your description is why the hitman wants to kill him, and what is the successful endgame for the protector. "Hitman" to me implies someone who is being paid to accomplish the murder. Who wants the boy dead, and why? Has he witnessed something? Then you need to protect him until he can testify. This implies that he may need to move, at times, to specific places (the DA's office, the courtroom), which presents an opportunity for the hitman to find him.

    If he's not a witness, what is the motive for killing him, and how can the protector thwart this motive? Is he the Rightful Heir to the Throne of (Tennessee)? How long until he can take the throne? Is it a revenge hit, and if so, can the protector kill or buy off the aggrieved party?

    Hope this helps.
     
    Simpson17866 likes this.
  7. DillyDally

    DillyDally New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    The major interest in this story sounds like it would be the character interaction between the boy and his protector. The hitman is a device in this scenario, a means to bring them closer together (or further apart). That's the real interest here, and if that's carrying the gravitas then I think I'd have little problem with the hitman popping up however the plot demands. My advice would be to worry less about that for now, certainly in a first draft, and really focus on how to get the most out of the development of your two main characters and their relationship to each other.
     
    Iain Aschendale likes this.
  8. texshelters

    texshelters Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2016
    Messages:
    101
    Likes Received:
    22

    I didn't hear anything about the hitman's character, his or her background, motivations, desires, what he does in between hit attempts, how he tracks his target, was he in prison before, how did he develop his skills, etc.

    You may have written it, but I need to know the story of the hitman as much as the story of target. The Day of the Jackal is a good read for that. PTxS

    Peace,
    Tex Shelters
     
  9. antlad

    antlad Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2016
    Messages:
    297
    Likes Received:
    96
    I think the problem with the scenario you presented is that nobody would care about the protagonist if he knew the hitman knows where he lives, but never thought the hitman would know he has a girlfriend, or where she lives.
    This type of thing takes me out of a book, movie, show, etc.

    Mini rant-
    I am so tired of having to root for the bad guy because the good guy is too stupid to survive real life, but wins due to luck/karma.
     
    texshelters and Simpson17866 like this.
  10. texshelters

    texshelters Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2016
    Messages:
    101
    Likes Received:
    22
    I agree, 110%. Thanks. Peace, Tex
     
    Simpson17866 likes this.
  11. Shimario

    Shimario Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2016
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    13
    You know that could actually work if you made it really really tense and kind of terrifying.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice