1. Snoopingaround

    Snoopingaround Banned

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    How Come I Am Not a Vampire?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Snoopingaround, Jun 3, 2014.

    I want to be a vampire. Not just run-of-the-mill. I want to be like Dracula, king of vampires, a Lord of Darkness. The life of Dracula, his mortal life was that of a warrior, he was a champion-defender of his people against foreign tyranny. He was an adventurer. He was a military genius and skilled fighter. He was a conqueror, an all-around badass. I am a night person. I kind of have fangs. I like to play with people's minds. But I am not immortal and I don't have special powers. There is something not quite right about this. What is up with this? I mean, I am willing to work for it.

    I want to have my own mystical fortress-palace complex at the edge of a precipice overlooking my vast gothic domain. I want to rule over innocent and naïve villagers, who will worship me as a demon-god. I want immortality. I want to have an army of undead servants. Also beautiful vampire mistresses who will service my every urge and who also serve as my personal bodyguards. Who do I write to to get this? Is this even possible? Why is this not happening?
     
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  2. Garball

    Garball Banned Contributor

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    Have you tried craigslist.org?
     
  3. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Concentrate on all these things, these images, these places, these dynamics for 3 to 4 hours while sat in a lotus position. Your concentration must be absolute. Your mind must never never wander from these things during your meditation. In the last 45 minutes of your meditation, eat a handful of peyote. That'll do the trick. ;)
     
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  4. thirdwind

    thirdwind Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    Playing Skyrim is about as close as you're going to get to achieving your goal.
     
  5. Simpson17866

    Simpson17866 Contributor Contributor

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    :confused: …What.
     
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  6. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    If you become a vampire, someone's going to stake you dude. Guarantee it.
     
  7. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Actually, with all the vamp-mania, I have to wonder if he wouldn't be kept as a sort of bizarre sanguinary "dairy cow" of sorts. I'm sure there's tons of other folks who would want to go the vamp route. My money's on him being held against his will and his blood sold to vampify first the rich, then everyone else as access to vampy blood becomes more commonplace. ;)
     
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  8. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Let me guess - you got downsized from an investment bank?
     
  9. Lemex

    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    'How come I am not a vampire' - because you live in the real world? Not some delusional high school goth's fantasy world?
     
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  10. Oswiecenie

    Oswiecenie Active Member

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    He did all this without any supernatural help, which makes his mortal self much more interesting than this vampire stuff. Screw being a vampire or whatnot, do something heroic instead.
     
  11. Lewdog

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    I blame the government...that's what most people that don't have something want to do.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2014
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  12. Lewdog

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    How ironic would it be if a vampire worked at Steak and Shake?
     
  13. A.M.P.

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Contributor

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    That makes me wonder...

    You know how we have wiccans, pagans, and people who believe or want to believe they are something other than human? Also furries.

    We would gather all these people together and create a unified political party which aim is to restablish the proper place of supernatural creatures amongst mundanes and to promote positive lifestyles for those who aren't mundane.

    I bet if there was enough noise, it would actually become a valid political party that no one understands but is secretly worried a witch and werewolf will one day run America.
     
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  14. Lewdog

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Nah, if the tree huggers can't do it with the Green party, there is no way some super natural party could do it unless they put curses on all the people they were running against.
     
  15. A.M.P.

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Contributor

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    Strict No Cursing Others rule would be in place of course, to ease the mindsof the other political parties who might be worried about foul play.

    Green Party might not be all godly and powerful like the others but it's still in the game, isn't it? That'd be a huge step for soups everywhere!
     
  16. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Supporter Contributor

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    LOL :) Dude, Wiccans and Furries in the same dynamic category? :whistle::D
     
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  17. Lewdog

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Yeah some people love animals, some people worship them, and some people want to be them...AND Loooove them.
     
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  18. A.M.P.

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Contributor

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    Lol, it's the closest thing we have to fantastical creatures and they'd inflate the party numbers by a considerable percentage.
     
  19. Garball

    Garball Banned Contributor

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    Are y'all saying a third party victory is any less fantastical than vampires or unicorns?
     
  20. Pheonix

    Pheonix A Singer of Space Operas and The Fourth Mod of RP Staff Contributor

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    Well, I want to be a vampire hunter...

    Maybe we could work something out. :D
     
  21. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    You know, you can be a vampire hunter. All you have to do is hunt vampires. My guess is that you won't be very successful, though. ;)
     
  22. Garball

    Garball Banned Contributor

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    It's actually a little more difficult to become a vampire hunter than you think. There's all the training and certification. On top of that, vampire tags are lottery based and there is no guarantee of getting a tag (especially if you aren't European).
     
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  23. Garball

    Garball Banned Contributor

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    It may not be what you want, but your best option is to be a vampire poacher. Sure, it's illegal, but who's going to prosecute?
     
  24. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Yeah, especially since vampires are not an endangered species. They're all over the place; you just have to know where to look. Coffin stores at night are a good bet.
     
  25. Lewdog

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Vampires don't do their own shopping, that's what their human pets are for.
     

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