I want to be a vampire. Not just run-of-the-mill. I want to be like Dracula, king of vampires, a Lord of Darkness. The life of Dracula, his mortal life was that of a warrior, he was a champion-defender of his people against foreign tyranny. He was an adventurer. He was a military genius and skilled fighter. He was a conqueror, an all-around badass. I am a night person. I kind of have fangs. I like to play with people's minds. But I am not immortal and I don't have special powers. There is something not quite right about this. What is up with this? I mean, I am willing to work for it. I want to have my own mystical fortress-palace complex at the edge of a precipice overlooking my vast gothic domain. I want to rule over innocent and naïve villagers, who will worship me as a demon-god. I want immortality. I want to have an army of undead servants. Also beautiful vampire mistresses who will service my every urge and who also serve as my personal bodyguards. Who do I write to to get this? Is this even possible? Why is this not happening?