I have been writing the first draft of my story for over 10 years. There are periods of which I feel like what i'm writing is great and others when I think it's rubbish and I should give up. I have gone months if not years at times without writing a single word and yet it is a project that always draws me back as if I have need to just finish this one book. Sometimes the time away is warranted as when I revisit scenes I am able to insert jigsaw pieces that have eluded me. Fortunately for now I am in one of those motivated periods and making progress. Is there anyone else that has experienced this to the severity I have and if so how do you persevere when you think you may not be a capable writer? Should I finish my first draft before asking for help to hone my actual writing skills or vice versa?
It might be useful to know the word count so far and the intended word count or % completion. For me, the things that stick out from the OP are I have been writing the first draft [...] need to just finish this one book. And to hone my actual writing skills A first draft that has taken 10 years might be hard to throw away and do over, whilst also having accumulated more of the sorts of idiosyncrasies that need to be dropped out. Who else has seen it so far and what do they say? We're always told writing is a skill, but I don't believe it. I'd suggest for the OP to separate the two things in their mind - and tell the story with the language they have. This is firstly to prevent anxiety about the skill from holding up the work or becoming an excuse, and secondly because there won't be much that can be improved inbetween two drafts and once the OP's brain has finished developing and they are already in adulthood. To start a book at all is to say that despite there only being 36 possible story structures, and despite there being tens of thousands of living/active writers churning out every tedious variation they can think of, we've spotted something unique thatthey've all missed. Whether it's through a one-off biological advantage, or the discovery of hidden secrets our muse, or the god, or Culture - is calling us above all those other writers. Ignore the cults of mediocrity who want you to subscribe to their youtube channels or join their correspondence courses - the world doesn't need more of what those methods produce. Make their genres obsolete - and make it look easy.
I have nearly 37 thousand words written thus far and about 10 refined chapters of a planned 28. Some later chapters I have notes on each to help with my structure. I have also created a wiki to help organize and keep track of my world. Can be seen below if your intrigued. https://legacyofthelostdragoon.fandom.com/wiki/Galiron_Galati?so=search Granted I have written and refined many of the chapters which is why progress hasn't always been steady.
That's sure to be useful - the OP is likely to get a wide range of advice here but best if it's as informed as it can be. People often say not to refine first drafts - but a creative process that takes 10+ years to put down 37k words is quite likely to be off any known charts anyway. The difficulty is that the first 37k words will probably (as in almost certainly) still need to be revised in light of the whole ~120k words. As I see it, there are two impulses in the OP: one to invest more time in the project, and the other not to. Forums with any self-help aspect to them have massive bias in favour of finishing the project, but that's in a void. We'd always rather there was a project than not - we don't see the other things the person has going on in their life, or the other ideas this project might be in the way of. A question for the OP to ask, internally, is perhaps 'why has the Muse, or the god, or the Culture-in-itself called me to create this work?' But a question forum-users like myself might be able to usefully ask from the outside is:- Is this story going to be driven by its characters? (i.e. unlike the almighty bulk of failed fantasy projects) Or are the characters going to be inert mannequins onto which innumerable fantasy elements have been tacked with pins? Taking Galiron Galati from the OP's wiki: where is the first place in his biography that he makes a choice that is inconvenient to the writer? All this other stuff: A General within the the Knights of Cilbaen and retainer to the King of Kona is actually in the way. The reader only starts to be interested once they're shown there is another person inside the pages of the book: someone who has relatable problems and who is faced with choices and who speaks/thinks in their own voice. I got as far as the 'Adulthood' section. The poor chap is mostly in the passive voice, with his society repeatedly heaping more and more responsibility onto him and giving him wars to fight. If it wasn't for Dragons! and Alchemy! and Darkfiends! he'd have the biography of an accountant who went to work every day. This isn't even a supporting character - it's a mannequin. In a video game that's alright - we can skip the text and self-author an interactive experience for ourselves using a mannequin with two equipment slots and a dragon mount - but in a book it's lethally dull. They keep doing it, these fantasy writers - and the industry keeps regretting letting them. I browsed through to 4 or 5 of the other characters with artwork for them. It's possible the wiki might be selectively listing what fantasy elements have been tacked onto the characters, and consciously leaving out anything to do with the choices+voices. If so, the wiki might be an impediment. A wiki that listed each character's motives and the character conflicts they enter in the course of the story might be far more useful as a tool for writing a story. Two red flags from the wiki page:- 1. Consistent apostrophe errors (this isn't a question of honing writing skills but of acquiring literacy) 2. Cliched names: Lilith; Darius; Tobias; Nuada; Indra; Meridia... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith_in_popular_culture When your "in popular culture" bit has to be spun out into its own page, there's a problem. The way Lilith keeps turning up is for a separate rant, but the thing to consider is whether the OP has enough awareness of the wider literature that their work is going to be adding to. Generating original names is an eternal problem, and some find it harder than others, but if this cliche has slipped through then there might be worse things hiding in the plot structure, or in the details of the fantasy kingdoms. I suppose 'half blood princes' still have some way to go on their cooldown timer too! The character art is pretty accomplished and must have a story behind it. If the OP is a visual artist perhaps there are other routes for this project (and 10 years and 37k words in might be a good juncture to consider them). Could it work as a graphic novel? (in which case the OP becomes the better-paid half of a creative team). There were some sketched sequential panels on Damani Tassinari's page. I found the typography and speech bubbles interesting because they seemed less developed than the figure art. But certainly on this wiki the pictures are saying more than the words.
Welcome to the Forum. Been working on a long project too, but the genre and the amount of work done is nowhere near yours. Also we don't share the long breaks, as in 'not writing a single word at all' - I'm constantly taking specific notes on the novel, reflecting, re-reading the novel and taking general notes, and reading on the subjects I write about, to get a deeper understanding. I even did this during my 'long COVID break', in spite of all that was going on both outside and inside my little private bubble. Wasn't doing the novel (serious marathons and so on...), but I managed to get through 75% of a short novella and ten or twelve short stories. Are they 'good enough'? I'll re-read and let you know, I was too busy last (and this) year with my own life. The 'good bits' keep coming you back to a certain novel. The parts you know are good, and can tell the reasons why (at least on the technical aspect of writing, what you know 'works). What keeps a writer coming back to writing is different. Each have their own reasons. Some don't know or won't tell. Quite a few simply don't care. I always wonder what kept Kurt Vonnegut coming back to writing. But I don't wonder for too long - I'm just glad he did.
A lot to digest here but agree with a lot of it. Naming is a hit and a miss and something I've always struggled with. Some such as Tobias has gone through many variations all as bad as what it ended with whilst characters such as Galiron and Andris have stuck since their early inception. (those names I came up with myself coincidentally) I do feel like I can revisit the names at a later time though I agree that Lilith is very on the nose. that one was rather intended to be fair but agreed that it maybe should be changed. Galirons wiki page, as bloated as it is another thing that is intended. He is supposed to have lived an eventful life because he actively sought out fame and glory whereas other characters wait until it's on their doorstep. A lot of what has happened to him takes place before the book even begins. Knowing the ins and outs of every one of his conflicts in that wiki is just something for my planning. Galiron being a side character and elder brother to one of the main protagonists his main role in the story when he appears is to ground Garcia, who both have different ideologies on how to carry on their father's legacy. Galiron seeks the glory his father had whilst Garcia is more akin to his father's trait of loyaly. Upon Andris's death, his sons both take it differently. Galiron questions his life's decisions and seeing Garcia falter in his ways urges his younger brother to keep on track ultimately suggesting he himself got it wrong, that maybe glory isn't that important in the end. That's what makes Galiron my favorite character because he thinks he knows who he is and what he wants until the time comes when that notion goes out the window. He is strong, he is successful, he is cool, he is badass but sometimes that is not enough. The sequel idea I have that takes place years later is where I think Galiron will truly shine as a hero. I think it's quite telling that Garcia who is the second main protagonist (after Darius) and features in more chapters than his brother and yet his page is relatively empty because I think he is the character with moost natural growth whereas Darius is almost guided by destiny due to who he is and what his life represents. In the story, there are two timelines. the main timeline follows the main character Darius as he deals with the fallout of a world that has lost its magic and the second timeline follows his great Grandfather Darnell who was someone that tried and ultimately failed to stop the magic in the world from getting sealed away and gives a glimpse into the motivations of two heroes connected by their bloodline yet separated by time as the revelations to the consequence and reasoning of why such events happened are peppered out to the reader from two perspectives. Some villains such as the warlock Lilith transcend time whereas others are engulfed and defined by it. King Mateusz's main motivation for his parts in some atrocities, for example, is he is simply a man who is afraid to die and it's this desperation that makes him susceptible to manipulation which is where the nod to the mythical creature comes in the succubus lilith. I could renamed her anything but in reality, the notion of her character and a lot of characters are based on archetypes and tropes which I have purposely aimed for. (Darius is a dragoon) (Hadrians a Paladin) (Garcia is a warrior) (Galiron is a Knight) etc and why for her I intentionally chose that name. It's like if in Castlevania they made a character very much based on dracula, acts like dracula, dresses like Dracula and called him steve. Calling her Lilith just confirms what I want the reader to think off when they read that name and yet I have given her reasoning to her actions. Her village was destroyed and her childrens blood extracted to be used in experiments. (almost think witcher tho this is a mere coincidence. Blood elves are something that i have had planned for a possible sequel for a long time.) Whereas the main thread follows Darius nearly half a century after the sealing of alchemy there is a build-up with his ancestor underlining the flow of the book The prologue is set 1 year before the sealing of alchemy chapter 8 is months before the sealing chapter 12 is weeks before the sealing chapter 16 is set days before chapter 20 is set hours before chapter 24 is the moment it happened. You mentioned that it was something more akin to a video game. In all honestly, that's where my main driving factor has come from. Guilty, I do not read and wish I did but sadly it is not something I have done much off over the years and no doubt it shows. I have tried my hand at a comic and even a videogame using rpg maker of which I had made the first chapter to see how it would progress. It was alright but a lot of work needed for very little. chapter one can also be read in the comic form here. some changes have been made since but for the most part, it is intact. there are a few chapters done but I do not think I will ever complete it in this format but it was a nice experiment. https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/legacy-of-the-lost-dragoon/the-northern-reaches/viewer?title_no=508487&episode_no=6
If I'm understanding this right, the character conflict is between two brothers: one wants to achieve similar glories, and the other wants to continue being loyal (to something or someone - it's enough that it's continuing the father in some different sense) Two questions I think arise from that:- 1. Is this relatable? Do real brothers (many of whom might currently be meeting up for the holidays) argue about things like this? What would it look like in my own family?:- "Curse you, Darius, for pursuing a safe career as a Java testing engineer for secure telecoms in fintech environments! Our father would have wanted us to win eternal glory as freelance research physicists!" "-Aw Jeez, mum, did you have to let him near the sherry?" 2. if it is relatable, is a fantasy world the best setting for it? Could they instead inherit a pizzeria and one brother wants to expand it into a national franchise and the other wants to keep it on the original premises: small and cosy. After the 'woo', the fantasy schtick, is put to one side that's what the story boils down to. That's the simple underlying structure or type of this character conflict. The advantage of pizzerias is the reader already knows what one is, and the writer will find they're a lot easier to research convincingly than elves are. If we need to, we can get closer to the subject by cooking a pizza at home, or if the research needs to get really serious it's possible to become a delivery driver. Standing in the garden trying to open toadstool portals is comparatively unrewarding. This isn't even making light of the issue - if the story is emotionally satisfying as two brothers inheriting a pizzeria, with all the fantasy elements stripped away, then there's the option either to try and publish it, or to add a surface gloss of elves and dragonriders if that's what we think the current market demographics are going for. Whilst at the same time, if the market has moved away from dragonriders in the last ten years and is now moving toward creatures from the black lagoon - that emotionally satisfying story of two brothers can easily be adapted. E.g. swap pizza for gumbo, and maybe one of them is spicing up the recipes with young people found in the backs of cadillacs. In general (and I'm not saying there is any reason to think this of the OP) when there is huge focus on fantasy elements that depend on other fantasy elements (ad infinitum), it's often a result of the writer needing to cover up that there isn't going to be a fully-realised story underneath it all. People are often attracted to fantasy by socially-acquired trauma - and sometimes a side-effect of this is that their stories become a sort of hide or modesty screen around their character, rather than being a place where their character shows off aspects of itself for others' entertainment (by producing story-characters within it). I would think it's unproductive for the OP to go into more depth on the fantasy elements than is already on the wiki - what will interest writers is the emotional character arc. A useful exercise might be to post the logline for this novel (not always easy for works in progress but there should always be a logline in mind even if it ends up changing). A good logline sums up the whole story in one sentence that contains the plot's central irony. (First drafts of fantasy stories are often missing a central irony - which is fatal) "Galiron is determined to turn his father's 'all you can eat' pizzeria into a national brand, but when his brother Garcia files to protect the patent on their one-of-a-kind pizza oven, he realises he has bitten off more than he can chew." If the story is difficult to logline, that usually shows there is a deeper structure problem. But the exercise might help to overcome the lull by re-focusing to what's important, and also to make further advice tighter.
I think you're taking the differences between the brothers too literally as if having different ideologies mean that they must clash and argue. Both are half-humans and half-elves like their father before them who was a bit of an outsider himself in his youth. There is mutual respect between the pair but Galiron is 32, Garcia 16. On the day Garcia was born, Galiron, already poised to be a prodigy left his hometown to join a prestigious military outfit. Beyond the odd letter and whatnot, the pair didn't grow up together are rarely mixed. Andris, their father was a blood brother of the Snow Elven leader Damani Tassinari and would ultimately die protecting the race that accepted him as one of their own. For him, there was no greater honor than to stand beside his blood brother as his right hand man. Andris's younger son Garcia would later become a blood brother of Damanis son, Darius who is destined to become the next leader of the snow elves. Before tho Garcia would accompany him to the end of the world. Both figuratively and literally as they make that trip together. So yes, Galiron basically ran away from his home citing that he felt he did not fit in whereas he wanted to live a warrior's life and find glory and thus joined the military. Garcia would stay, accepting who he was despite conversations from his brother as he grew up tempting him if he ever wanted to join the knights he would see it that a place is made for him. (again Garcia is a very capable swordsman and son of the greatest swordsman the land had ever seen.) All the time Galiron is making a name for himself and becomes the General by the time war breaks out. When Andris is killed, the tables turn and Garcia now asks Galiron to let him join as he knows war is going to break out. it is then Galiron denies his brother citing that Garcia will have his revenge but as a Snow Elf, basically in his father's colours as snow elves have a traditional attire and knowing moreso that Garica will need to accompany his blood brother who has his own expedition away from the war effort and that he needs to support Darius as his righthand man as his father would have. Ultimately it comes down to the final kill where the man who gets the kill on the elderly King of the east Mateusz will be immortalized in the history books forever as the man who ended tyranny in the realm. the King in the east is the same man who had the brother's father killed during an attack and also is the same man who raped a young elf in his younger days of maurading and thus is the father of a certain legendary half-elf. So when Galiron steps aside and lets his younger brother avenge his father in the colors of the Snow Elves it all comes full circle. Galiron walked away from the glory as in the end, it was trivial in comparison to the long-awaited revenge. That is the gist of that side story arc. The bigger story is on the arc that revolves around dragons and the sealing of magic but the stories converge at various points are in ways that are a result of the same conflict.
In a nutshell, what is the character conflict? And is the story loglineable or does that seem like it would be difficult with the material? This most recent post isn't a story arc unless there is character development. It might be that it's hard to pick it out from inbetween the fantasy elements. But (e.g.) "On the day Garcia was born, Galiron, already poised to be a prodigy left his hometown to join a prestigious military outfit" doesn't contain any character development - so it can be left out for now. Another angle to try is "nobody cares what happened in Elftown" - the setting only matters to the reader if the characters make it matter. A fictional character can't be a "very capable swordsman": that's never anything more than a verbal lie, since all they have is the words on a page. Although swordsmanship isn't a character trait - fictional characters do have realistic inner worlds, made out of words just like a real person's, and which evolve and grow. Written storytelling is about showing personalities changing under pressure.
Without outlining plot lines i would say at its core Darius's struggle is that he doesn't believe he will have the strength to become the next leader having seen firsthand the strength shown by his father and heard of the stories and ballads that are told of his forefathers. His great grandfather is described as "Legendary among other things. but over the course of the story he puts himself forward and makes calls that his father recognizes as true strength. in the end he succeeds where his great grandfather failed. Galirons struggle is with accepting who he is and the frustrations of growing up in a place where he cannot showcase his strengths. growing up he was the first and only snow elf never able to cast fire magic which cemented in his head that he would have to find a home elsewhere. (even his father and brother mastered the technique. I wouldn't say Garcia has a struggle as he's literally too stubborn to have one. It established in chapter 1 quickly how different Garcia is to Darius in the littlest of things and yet he always finds a way to laugh it off. He does have the burden tho of being tasked with protecting Darius on his mission and this is tested many times.
There isn't a character-driven plot visible yet, but it might be closer to the surface now. I'd suggest to carry on the exercise of cutting out all storyworld elements and plot devices so that what's really there underneath is clearer. I believe this is the hardest thing in fantasy writing and the main reason why so much of it goes wrong or can't be finished. ==== Darius's struggle is that he doesn't believe he will have the strength to become the next leader having seen firsthand the strength shown by his father and heard of the stories and ballads that are told of his forefathers. His great grandfather is described as "Legendary among other things. but over the course of the story he puts himself forward and makes calls that his father recognizes as true strength. in the end he succeeds where his great grandfather failed. Galirons struggle is with accepting who he is and the frustrations of growing up in a place where he cannot showcase his strengths. growing up he was the first and only snow elf never able to cast fire magic which cemented in his head that he would have to find a home elsewhere. (even his father and brother mastered the technique. I wouldn't say Garcia has a struggle as he's literally too stubborn to have one. It established in chapter 1 quickly how different Garcia is to Darius in the littlest of things and yet he always finds a way to laugh it off. He does have the burden tho of being tasked with protecting Darius on his mission and this is tested many times. This leaves only two lines from which to form a story:- Darius's struggle is that he doesn't believe he will have the strength to become the next leader... but over the course of the story he puts himself forward Galiron's struggle is with accepting who he is and the frustrations of growing up in a place where he cannot showcase his strengths ==== Underneath the clutter these character arcs are too simple, and they don't interconnect. It isn't possible to hide this from readers: they see clean through it, filtering out everything else until they recognise a fully-realised character. It has to be addressed even though this is much harder than inventing more kingdoms and giving them flags and languages. And it's possible to avoid character conflict, but stories do tend to be more interesting when people are each others' problems. Not many of us have to worry about inheriting elf-kingdoms, but all of us can relate to other people being irritating and obstructive and wanting different things than we do. Darius and Galiron might be in the same scenes a lot, but if Darius evolves on a straight line from 'doesn't believe in himself' to 'now he does' and Galiron evolves on a straight line from 'doesn't accept who he is' to 'now he does', there is neither a character conflict nor a true relationship of main-character to supporting-character. I think if the character arcs were central to the composition and firmly conceived in the OP's mind, it would have been obvious from the first post. But rather than defending what's already been done, I'd suggest the OP should re-plot the story around the characters' choices. "He puts himself forward" is author-convenient, and the story would immediately be more interesting if actually Darius was true to himself and decided "nope - I'm definitely not becoming leader." Derail the plot. Let the characters write it. Their (internal) personalities and character-development are real where the (external) history of Elftown is false. This treats the loss of motivation as a subconscious realisation that something's always been missing, and regains motivation by starting to produce a work of fiction.
I *think* what D4ve is getting at isn't a conflict within a character's arc, but the central conflict around which the entire story is built. There are basically 3 different kinds of conflicts in fiction—man against man, man against nature, and man against himself (no sexism meant or implied, substitute character for man if you want, but it's too long to write over and over. ) The first two are external conflicts (a character going up against someone or something outside of himself) and the third is an internal conflict—an inner battle, like the one so famously portrayed by Gollum. At the heart of every story is such a conflict. Usually it's pretty straightforward—a protagonist and an antagonist (good guy/bad guy, hero/villain, or what have you). In this case it sounds like it might be a pair of brothers with very different character motives, each pulling in different directions. Well, I see @evild4ve has just posted, so this all might be completely unnecessary. I'll stop here then. He can doubtless speak better for himself than I can for him.
No, I had certainly missed off the options of man versus nature and man versus himself. And if Galiron was hit in the knee with an arrow and had to reconsider his options, he might need those
Can't believe I missed the opportunity to post this: There ain't no good guy There ain't no bad guy There's only you and me And we just disagree Lyrics by D4ve M4son from his song We Just Disagree. The song is about problems in a relationship, but the verse I quoted above perfectly encapsulates the kind of central conflict in a story like this one (or what I think the story is anyway). In my defense, I probably would have posted it except that evild4ve showed up and I stopped writing.
@Colum McClelland If this is indeed the kind of conflict your story is built around, I think the next thing you'd want to consider (if you haven't already decided) is who is the main character? Or is it a story about the two of them, with neither taking precedence? That would work, but would be less personal, as if seen from a greater narrative 'distance'. A story with a clear main character is much more relatable for the reader than one without. It allows them to feel the conflicts as if experiencing them directly themselves. If this information is already given above I apologize.
The biggest obstacle the characters face is that the world is dying. (crumbling at its edge. (flat earth) as a result of the magic in the world having been sealed away which resulted in all magical creatures dying, either immediately or shortly in the aftermath. chapter one begins as Darius and Garcia are on an expedition to the edge of the world where they confirm this suspicion. But the reappearance of a dragon breaths hope into a failing world as it appears to save Darius when he is attacked and overwhelmed by a horde of fiends. The dragon appeared to him because his ancestor was a dragoon (the namesake of the title of the book (Legacy of the lost Dragoon) (a dragon rider) and it is very much the same dragon that his great grandfather saved and rode before the final battle that cost him his life 50 years prior. That is why Darius is chosen. There is an old expression in the Snow Elven people where they waken their will of fire. It's an expression that essentially means that can be understood in several ways. Some take it to mean about learning to control their fire magic whilst the Tassinari family Darius' bloodline take it a step further and channel the mantra. during a scene where Darius questions his resolve to his father regarding his grandfather sacrificing himself to the enemy to buy them time during an ambush. “I honestly do not believe we were destined to exist and yet we found a way to endure. That is our will of fire.” “Do you truly believe that we are protected by something higher?” Darius asked. “The will of fire will not stop any harm that may befall my father if that is what you're asking. It did however give him the strength to walk into the clutches of evil.” “Would you have done the same? Could I have?” “Strength comes in many forms, Darius. Though we may share the same blood, our hearts are our own.” “Answer the question.” “If by giving my life would but give hope that you may live then yes... without a second thought. A day will come when your heart steps forward before your legs even realize they have been asked to move.
Is this the main point of the entire story, or is it just a part of the story background? Like for instance, Gone With The Wind is set during the Civil War, but it isn't about the Civil War, that's just the historical setting against which we see a much more personal story about romance and betrayal and cultural expectations.
To give a more probably familiar example—Star Wars (Episode 4: A New Hope if you must go with the revisionist naming) was set in the backdrop of a rebellion against an evil empire with a mighty planet-destroying weapon, but that isn't what the story was really about—that was merely the setting for it. The story was much more personal, about a farm boy who dreamt of fighting in the rebellion, but had to stay on the farm and labor. Until suddenly the plans for that planet-destroying weapon fell into his hands and his aunt and uncle were killed for it, launching him into exactly the adventure he had hoped for. Fortunately, his next-door neighbor (relatively) was the last of the Jedi warriors and begins his training as the next one (the New Hope of the new title—Obi-Wan Kenobi being the Last Hope as tiny hologram-Leia called him). He then discovers his lost father is a Dark Knight of the Empire, and must go head-to-head against him, and ultimately he fires the fatal photon torpedo (sic) that destroys the Death Star and wins the war. So it wouldn't be right to say that the rebellion against the Empire is what the movie is about. It's about the much more personal story of Luke Skywalker becoming a Jedi Knight and destroying the Empire's massive weapon. And his story is filled with harrowing personal triumphs and setbacks that make it exciting.
It's complicated as there are a lot of plates spinning that got the world into the state of which it is. Long before the book starts there was an attack on the Elvish Glades. place snow elves go to give birth. There there is a natural occurring magical spring that allows elven maidens to recover after childbirth as it temporarily cuts of alchemy. During this war the spring was destroyed and the water thought lost to the earth. It's only later that it is understood that the water was barreled up and stolen and later used to seal alchemy away the magic in the world thus came a genocide of the snow elves as women could not give birth and survive. Either the baby lived and the mother died. "You thought the water was lost as a consequence of the war. But the fact is, the war was a consequence of the theft of the waters." Darius's great grandfather travels t get it back and does get enough to save his race but dies before stopping the alchemy stone being sealed. On his way he unintentionally enters a pact with a dragon after saving its life becoming a bloodrider. where the dragon is bound to his blood The story is essentially Darius reacting to the reemergence of a dragon as such beasts should not exist anymore. that is what drives him. The dragon is the same as the one that his grandfather saved and smelling that he shares his great grandfather's blood the pact is reformed. later we find out how this dragon survived.
None of that is plot, it's all dressing. Who is the main character? What does he want to accomplish? What happens that stops him, or that forces him out of his complacent life into one of danger? What must he overcome in order to restore normalness to his life? And what must he sacrifice along the way? In answering these questions you can determine what the plot is.
The ever-looming presence of the fiends and the atholian empire, Understand why the dragon is appearing to him. Learn how to break the seal on alchemy using dragonfire. defeat the enemy that killed his great grandfather. crap didn't quote that properly
Lol don't worry about it. It took a moment, but I see your answers now. OK, now this is helping me understand what the plot is. You can break your answers down farther, go into the specifics about what minor conflicts he must face, what betrayals, what unexpected help (or help that he expected but that didn't materialize), and you can define the plot at a higher level of resolution. I'm not saying you need to, at least not here. But you might want to think about it, try writing it up in greater detail for yourself. And eventually maybe post it here. But you want to make sure the stakes are powerful and very personal to your protagonist. For instance, in Star Wars, his fighting against the Empire was very abstract, but his discovering that Darth Vader (Dark Father) was his dad, now THAT was devastating!! For him, and for everyone watching.
that's my first chapter if your interested. "Tell me, Darius. Do you think the world is dying?" asked Garcia, some twigs caught in his crimson shirt and snagged at his golden tunic as he let fall the stack of firewood from his large grip. There came a reply from behind. His partner, smaller in size and slender too, entered the cavern behind him. "I don't know what to think," he answered hesitantly. There was a brief pause as he placed his bow and satchel on the ground and wiped off the snow that had gathered atop his frozen garments. "All signs point to its demise," he continued with a defeated sigh. "Tomorrow we shall know of our fate, for better or for worse. We must not dwell on it. Let us just enjoy but one more night filled with hope." "I suppose it can wait,” Garcia said with a snort. “Whether or not our land is shrinking won't matter if we freeze tonight," He gave a one-shoulder shrug and picked at the twigs that were entangled in his garments. Then, carelessly he tossed the sticks and smaller twigs into a pile, breaking the bigger ones as he went. "Hurry, block the entrance until I get this fire started," he ordered. The cave was littered with signs of previous use and quickly Garcia made use of a premade ring of stone where an old campfire lay dormant. The remains of charred wood and ash from its last light had long gone cold. Pieces of once sharpened arrowheads and remnants of animal bone gave a false impression of the rich wildlife that the Northern Reaches was once renowned for. Generations of hunters had taken refuge in that very cavern, but that was a different time, a different world entirely to the one they lived in now. With each passing year, the animals migrated further south and now, only the fiends of darkness now roamed these plains; feeding on the last of the more durable creatures that still found solace in such a desolate place. But soon, even the fiends would be driven south, just like the Snow Elves themselves, Darius thought. "I've already lost one home to this damn weather," Darius muttered, turning back to the cave opening. The cold wind outside whipped at his cheeks and flailed his long milky white hair over his pale-skinned face as he began to erect a wall of snow that quickly negated the winds and with it, the last of the late evening sun. His frustration was not brought on by merely the icy temperatures, afterall he was Snow-Elf. The kind of Elf that actually preferred the colder parts of the world. But this coldness was different and carried a stigma. A taste of a tainted past and most likely, of what was to come. "The wind is picking up again.'' Darius finally said aloud. “I have never seen it so bad. Not since I hailed on the mountain," "And yet the winter months are not upon us. This journey would be impossible during the snow season,” Garcia said, snapping at more twigs for kindle. "Up here, all seasons bring with it the snow," Darius said with a gloomy expression. “It’s merely a matter of how much of it." "I only meant--" "I know what you meant, and yes, it could be a lot worse," Darius replied, bravely pulling a smile as he turned to meet his companions gaze. "It's why the Maester held off until now to send us again. But, even compared to last year..." His words trailed off, such was his need to even finish his sentence. At that moment, Darius pondered how his partner was holding up. Garcia wasn’t a Snow-Elf, at least in the full sense of the term, but nor could he be considered human. He was something in between and had the characteristics of both, for better and for worse. He was tough and not one for complaining but he was not immune to the cold and at times this worried Darius. He felt responsible for his partner's health. Not only because he was leading the expedition but because he was his closest friend. He could not ignore the words his grandfather once told him that one day he would be Maester and therefore be responsible for all his kin. As a member of the Tassinari bloodline, it was who he was destined to be. A flame sparked from Garcia's hand that caught Darius' attention and illuminated the darkening cavern. Before he could ignite the tinder however, the strength of the flame that expelled from his hand wavered and then ceased. Despite the tingling sensation in the tips of his fingers, the half elf could not garner the strength to cast his flame. "I've reached my limit!" he barked with agitation. His shoulders dropped and could now only feel the frustration seep through him. Frustration even Darius could feel. "That's what you get for relying only on your physical strength," Darius mocked with a sarcastic shake of his head and with a small smile that twitched the corners of his lips he continued "How many times have you been told to exercise your element. It's like a muscle, if you do not train it, you cannot expect it to work." Finished with the wall, Darius turned with hands that began to exude an intense heat as silence fell between the two as a shuffle of his neck he gestured to swap places. As the firewood caught fire, Garcia reached into his pack and pulled out an envelope. He glanced at it but did not open it. Noticing Darius was watching, he rushed to put the letter back into his rucksack and instead pulled out a small blade along with a parcel consisting of a neatly wrapped package of which Darius knew could mean only one thing as right away his pale face brimmed with excitement. He unravelled the leaves that covered a slab of deer meat they had taken from a kill earlier and cut it into generous portions. Piercing them with the thicker twigs, he balanced the cuts of meat atop the warm fire. The temperature within the cave rose and with it the aroma of the food quickly hit their nostrils and their stomachs. As the smoke of the fire drew upwards, it swirled its warmth into the cavern leaking into each and every crevasse. With the entrance now blocked, the heat had nowhere to go besides a single gap in the ceiling that acted as a chimney as the heat wrapped around the room and its warmth seeped into their flesh. Darius may have been a Snow-Elf, but even he too could appreciate the touch of a cosy fire. Quickly their ice ridden clothes began to thaw and the bitterness of the weather outside was forgotten, at least, if only for a little while. Garcia, poking holes in the entrance with his sword let in a zest of fresh air as Darius kicked his bag towards the cavern wall. Tired after a long day trudging through deep snow he planted himself down atop his sack to escape the cold floor. The wall behind him was hard and uneven against his back but he did not complain. His legs still aching from their march north were content. Garcia quickly did the same but with his huge mass, fidgeting with his balance, shifting his bulk back and forth atop his bag could only succumb to his predicament. "Aye, I'm as much a Snow-Elf as you are a damn troll," he barked, beckoning the duo into a spurt of laughter and reluctantly he accepted the hard uneven floor. It was their dying laughter that alerted them to the noises from beyond the cavern. Their moment of contentment was interrupted by the harsh reality of the Northern Reaches. Howls and wails of a beast could be heard with only the layer of snow acting as a barrier to the dangers outside. "The smell of cooking flesh seems enticing to the wolves it seems," sniggered Garcia as the pair shared a glance. He leaned forward and turned the sizzling meat that was beginning to colour. "Too bad!" "The wolves are getting desperate, Garcia. It must have tracked us for miles. Maybe since we killed the deer for all we know. It sure has been a long time since we have come across any sign of life. By the sounds of it, there seems to be only to be the one, at least it sounds that way.” Darius surmised as his long Elven ears twitched as the howling continued. "So much for the infamous wolf-pack," Garcia replied with a snort. "Still, it’s a wasted journey for any that come. I'm not the sharing type." "Let's hope that wall holds,” Darius said looking at the entrance as if it could burst at any given moment. “If it doesn’t, we will all be eating tonight, our friend included." "I assure you, Darius, I'm not on the menu," Garcia replied as he stretched for his blade, bringing it to his side, twirling the hilt between his fingers. “Though, dare it continue to persist? It shall be on mine." "I’ll cook off the rest," Darius said as he could only smile at his partner’s response. Beyond their confinement, the sound of such a beast would send a shiver down most a warrior’s spine, yet despite Garcia being a few years younger. He was not shaken nor was his arrogance out of place. There were few things more deadly than a starving desperate wolf, Darius thought to himself, but the son of Andris Galati was sure one of them, and knowing he was by his side brought him comfort. "It should do us the return trip," Darius continued. "There won't be any more opportunities to prepare food until we get back here so we better make it last. "And if the end is not where it once was... What's next?" Garcia said bluntly. "Our journey will be cut short then,” Darius half joked but the hole that appeared in his gut was not as confident. “The Maester will decide what to do if it comes to that. He will call a summit with Tobias and the other lords and leaders of the realm. The Snow Elves are not in this alone.” Those words sat on Darius’s mind for the hours to follow despite how much of a brave face he tried to convey. It was hard to shake the feeling of dread that came over him. *** The night rolled in fast and the eerie cries from the beast outside rang deep into the night. Darius, with his sensitive elven ears tossed and turned in frustration for what seemed like an eternity before finally, after some time drifted into an uneasy slumber. The fire, left unattended, died out and left an unsettling chill in the air. Something woke the slender Elf as Darius’s eyes flew open to the darkness that surrounded him. Was it that dream again he thought? It sure didn’t feel like it but dreams had a strange way of being deceiving. Replacing the continuous howling was an ominous silence and for a long moment he lay still curled up confused, pondering, but his ears were ever reacting to the world around him. Then the faint scuffling outside the cavern pricked at his lobes, alerting him to the fact that they were not alone. At first, he thought Garcia grew impatient to the wolf's cry and went to fetch breakfast, but as he sat up, he noticed the snow wall was still erect, and his partner was very much still asleep. Careful not to rustle up any unnecessary noise, he fumbled around for his bow, grasped for an arrow and staggered towards the snow blockade. Still disoriented, he wiped the sleep from his eyes. The small air hole Garcia had left had frozen over during the night as he pierced it slowly with his finger and gazed through. The stain of what he presumed to be wolf's blood was etched into the snow just mere meters from the entrance. His heart leapt into his throat and his hands grew clammy around his bow. Quickly he surveyed all that could be seen, but there was no sign of a carcass. Only the untidy trail of blood veered off left and out of sight. Swallowing heavily, the lump that had formed in his throat refused to be pushed down and his focus returned to the pool of blood and to the footprints that he now noticed next to it. He tried to ascertain who or what they belonged to but the suspicion of what creature it was likely to be gnawed at his gut. “Fiends?” Garcia mumbled loudly, his voice thick and slightly slurred with sleep, quite unaware of how loud he was talking. Darius jumped at the sudden noise and glanced over his shoulder at his companion, staring at the dark mound for a moment before he returned his attention back to the peephole. “Shh, yes” He ushered looking back out at the pool of blood. It wasn't a clean kill he thought to himself. A clean kill was less messy. This was careless and maybe even ruthless in execution. An act made in desperation for a creature, starving and relying only on it’s killer instinct to survive and a need to feed. All too quickly, Darius’s vision was blurred as the hole went black and a yellow iris blinked back at him, sending a shock that rippled through him as he fell backwards as a yelp escaped his lips. His fingers fumbled instantly, trembling slightly in the panic as he aimed his bow and let fly an arrow that cut through the air with a wisp. A screech of pain outside signified a direct hit as the nock of the arrow and a few inches of fletching juddered back and forth relentlessly before coming to an abrupt stop. Jumping to his feet, Garcia grasped his sword. His legs parted in a stance ready to fight. "Let’s get out there and earn our breakfast?" He barked. "Calm down, Garcia, It may have only been the one,” Darius soothed, sounding much more confident than his wracked-up nerves gave him credit, but even as he spoke the words he knew that his confidence was futile at best. Drawing in a shaky breath, he turned his head and flicked his wrist, throwing a flame at the wall and quickly it began to melt. "I've heard of a lone wolf, but for a goblin, not a chance. A horde will surely be nearby. Come on, faster," Garcia demanded as he smashed through the last of the snow stumbling over the corpse of the fallen goblin. "That's odd," Darius said, retrieving the arrow that was lodged deep within the monster's eye socket and wiped the residue on a rag he had just for the occasion. "Aye, so it is,” Garcia affirmed. “What’s a forest goblin doing so far north? They aren't the brightest of creatures but even so, a rarity that one has wandered back up here. Still... it explains the blood, and the kill. I doubt a grey goblin could kill a blinded kitten, never mind a grown wolf. " "Do you still believe there may be others, or is this just a stray?" Darius asked. "I'd like to think there aren't any more of them. A horde of green goblins would prove more troublesome than the grey ones that spawn up north but nothing the pair of us couldn’t handle of course." "Of course... of course," Darius mumbled sarcastically beneath his breath, not sounding quite as sure of himself. He turned back into the cave motioning his partner to follow. "Let’s go Garcia, the weather is surprisingly calm. We should make the most of our luck. This blood will surely draw the wolves if not anything else. Their senses are not dulled, even in these conditions." “Can we not eat first?” Garcia moaned with a stretch. “We have a job to do.” “Yes yes I know.” Garcia complained. “Observe the rope we placed a year ago and determine its length. If it is indeed shorter than it was a year ago, well then your grandfathers shrinking theory is correct. The old geezer has drilled it into me and you know what... it’s just dawned on me that you're sounding more and more like him.” “I’ll take that as a compliment, Master Galati. Now let’s go. You can eat on the trot.” Garcia thought of complaining but stopped himself and merely nodded in agreement. Finally ready, they set off on their expedition as a low light gleamed over them, drawing their attention upwards to the sky as the first flakes of the day began to fall. “What if the old geezer is right?” Darius shook his head, unsure how he was supposed to answer such a question. Everyone back home had their opinion on the matter, but without definite proof, it couldn’t be labeled anything other than a theory, and a ridiculous one at that. To think the world was ending was a preposterous thought and the fact they were sent to investigate such a theory in the first place was eccentric to some. But to prove his grandfather was right when such an outcome would be disastrous, it all seemed like a nightmare. Either way, until they got a definite answer, they had to keep going. Ignoring the question completely, Darius finally responded “Our fate awaits us, Garcia. At the edge of the world.” Their eyes again swiveled to the sunrise before them. Despite everything, it was beautiful, regardless if secretly it masked the impending calamity. *** Five hours into their march the conditions ever worsened, but this was to be expected of the Northern Reaches. The wind’s got heavier and so did each step but they remained persistent. Long had it been since the sun disappeared back behind the thick and puffy snow clouds and now the duo wrestled against the torrent of white that swirled down on them. Shielding their eyes with their hands in a futile attempt to thwart the flakes that beat against their face, each step north required more and more effort as they pushed onwards against the unchanging southern wind. The musky smell of the void was now a firm indication that they were nearing their destination and the corpses, the remnants of the goblins created and born in the darkness at the world’s end, reaffirmed it. Not strong enough to escape the wrath of the north they lay still in the show where they fell and perished. “How much further,” shouted Garcia. “Another hour or so I'd say,” Darius replied. “But It’s hard to judge what pace we’re making in these conditions. “Look, there’s another one.” Garcia gestured to the fiend that was frozen in the snow. “I’m surprised they made it this far,” Darius yelled, trying to make sure that his voice was heard over the roaring winds. “I almost feel sorry for them. Look there's another one,” he gestured to a fiend that was not yet hidden by the snow. It lay curled up, almost human like and the slender Elf looked on with an emotion that wasn’t far removed from pity. “This ones still breathing,” he concluded. "Show no remorse," Garcia retorted, thrusting his sword into the skull of the fallen monster. "Any that survive will grow, ripen and become a threat as they travel south. What you're doing now may save a life and heartache elsewhere. I take no pleasure in a needless killing, but the alternative is worse." “It’s just when they are this weak and defenseless.” Darius responded but his words fell on death ears. “You would show mercy to a creature that would butcher you in your sleep without a second thought? How many stories do you need to hear of baby’s being mauled in their cribs to understand that these are not creatures that can be understood with our own reasoning? The Warlocks of the sands thought they could tame them and look at them now.” “You're right... Just ignore me.” Darius turned and continued forwards as another goblin merged from the snow. Raising his arrow as he adjusted his bow and paused for a second, composed himself and then assertively pulled at the string. His face was pointed forward, eyes on a pale eyed creature looking back at him. Gnarling, nails gripping at the snow as it hauled its crooked and wicked body forward, it’s jagged teeth bared out at them. Indeed, these were the monsters from his grandfather’s stories and nothing less. He had seen first hand their destructive prowess when given half the chance. He clenched his teeth and released his finger. The arrow swept through the air, silent, disguised in the roaring storm, but with a direct hit the scream that followed brought a shriek to the air as it pierced the goblins chest as it fell to ground. A stream of purple leaked out and onto the snow as Darius approached to reclaim his arrow. Now above the hill, his eyes rose, yet again squinting to peer through the storm. “We’re early,” he announced, shock riddling in his voice, his fingers anxiously curled tightly around the hilt of the arrow. “Quite a few hours early at that,” Garcia replied, advancing closer, almost in disbelief, his voice slightly trembling at the sight before him. Darius put a hand on his partner’s shoulder. Despite the ill feeling that twisted in his stomach, he kept moving forwards. He had to see it at his feet to truly grasp the truth. Suddenly as if a higher power spared him from his thought, the ground not too far from where he was standing began to vibrate furiously and then in a flash a large chunk of earth broke off and fell into the abyss below. The wind was screaming, clawing at the air, covering up the sound of the breaking ground that should’ve shattered the air. "This does not bode well," Darius shouted, dropping his bow. “No... not at all.” Garcia’s half human face paled almost whiter than the snow under his feet. in his mind, he cursed. “No need to test the rope then, is there?” shaking his head in disbelief. “It’s claimed the whole bloody thing.” Joining Darius at the edge, he looked down as curiosity tingled through him as not even a shred of light broke through the darkness of the void. “How long until it swallows us up?” “It’s much worse than Dalzell feared. A lot worse,” Darius answered. “How long have we got?” Garcia pushed, hoping for an answer. "I don’t have the answers!” Darius snapped. “This isn’t something you can just guess. It depends on how our world deteriorates further without alchemy." "Alchemy was sealed nearly fifty years ago. Why are the effects of it only being felt now half a century onwards?" "Don't be so naive my friend," Darius shot back. "You're just too young to appreciate what came before. We had to abandon Leuven, our home, sixteen years ago because of the weather. Fiend sightings have been on the rise and our control over the element has been ever weakening since the event. The Alami and other races that were once dependent on alchemy have all but perished, very few remain, and others are now but beasts of legend. The fallout of the incident is all around us. A world just takes longer to die I suppose, that's all." "Could the Snow-Elves die if choked of alchemy? Like the Alami I mean? Before the void gets us that is" the larger elf questioned." "Who's to say? Alchemy was the building blocks of what made up our realm. It affected different races and creatures in ways we can only speculate. Without it there is no sure way of telling how much we depend on it. But the fact that we are still here now tells me that our life force doesn’t depend on it, at least not fully.” Garcia did not respond. Having once doubted the Maester's theories, again and again, they had proven true. As butterflies invaded his stomach he quickly backed up to a safe distance. "Let's go home," said Darius. “We have seen all we need to see.” *** Departing they set their focus on the journey home as the sun got lower in the sky. The darkness and bitterness of the cold crept back in. Fighting through the cold and tiredness was aided with the motivation of a soft bed, a hot meal and even warmer fire awaiting them back in the village. They called it a village, but in reality it was nothing more than an old fort, a relic of an old war. Still, it was more appealing than the cold cavern floor and the leftovers they would be eating tonight. The weather, harsh and unyielding, was at least now on their backs, which made the return journey somewhat easier despite their tiring limbs and aching bones telling them otherwise. All the same the grim news left them depleted and for a long time the pair did not speak. Their journey south came to a sudden halt however when the pair spotted a horde of fiends, marching unaffected by the cold caught their attention. Darius gestured to a lonely tree, too stubborn and proud to join the rest of the fallen trunks and the pair quietly made their way to it so as not to be spotted. "What are they up to?" Garcia asked, arriving at the tree first. Slyly he peaked from cover, squinting to ascertain all that there was to see. "There are dozens of them, if not more. Goblins both grey and green, trolls, Ogres too and what are those? I don't even know what those are." Darius shot a hand forward, slamming it onto his companion's shoulder yanking him back. "Be careful Garcia… With that many eyes, it would just take a stray glance to spot you. Let them pass; we cannot hope to deal with those kinds of numbers.” Garcia knew his limits and nodded. "This valley only leads to the garrison. They must have come down off one of the mountains." "Yes, for sure. My father would have ordered them hunted down if they were spotted near the village. What direction were they coming from? east or west?" "Traveling west, coming down off Atholia and heading to the Silver Mountains. Not that it really matters does it?" "To our old home?" Darius said letting out a resentful sigh. "Nothing but a gathering spot for the fiends of darkness now." "What should we do? What if they divert south and attack the village?" Garcia said resting his hand on the hilt of his sword." "The village will be fine; it will take a lot more than a few dozen to cause a problem. The garrison was built to withstand attacks from more than a few fiends. We'll just keep our distance until we can get to the cavern but we can't risk lighting a campfire tonight unless you wish to be butchered in your sleep after all.” Garcia opened his mouth to complain but quickly thought better of it and clamped his mouth shut. Instead, he turned and ignored Darius’s warning, peeked past the tree once again as the last of the fiends were nearly out of sight. "I definitely have not seen those ones before. Strange looking creatures all the same." He announced. "Let me have a look," Darius said, his interest piquing as they swapped positions and he too peered from around the trunk. "Hmm you're right. Whatever it is, they are surely foreign to this region. If I had to guess by the colour of it..." Darius stopped mid-sentence, his neck snapped back. "Oh no..." he breathed out. "What?" the larger elf quizzed. "It looked straight at me." "Did it see you?" "Yes, no. I don't know." "Well, have another look." Darius crept his head back around carefully. "Garcia, they are coming," he yelped. Popping around bow in hand without thinking twice, he quickly launched four arrows in succession, taking down the strange creature and a few of the nearby goblins. One arrow missed its target and lodged into a troll which let out a deep roar as the fiends were alerted to their presence. "Take out as many as you can," Garcia said, unsheathing his great sword with red bitten fingers. “Just be sure not to hit me.” Darius let loose a second barrage of arrows, upping the tempo taking down the troll, its twin and another three goblins. "I haven't got many arrows left!" "You're leaving the rest to me, aren't you? Well I suppose it’s better to die a warrior's death than succumb to this weather like a stray dog," Garcia said with a cold smile. "Wait..." Darius butted in "They have stopped." "What do you mean they have stopped?" Questioned Garcia, almost disappointed as he came out from behind cover and saw the fiends anxiously looking to the sky. "What are they looking for?" Darius raised his hand to his twitching ear. "Wait, do you hear what?" "Hear what? I have nasty human ears. I can’t hear a damn thing over this wind" Garcia replied. "Above." Darius gestured. "I can’t hear anything and I sure can’t see anything,” Garcia Barked. “What is it?" Before Darius could reply, a green flame emitted from the sky that illuminated the Northern Reaches that had been nearly all but in darkness as the evening dusk was coming to an end. The sight before them was both confusing and overwhelming. The light revealed the mass horde of fiends that had gathered. Hundreds of the creatures dispersed frantically as the flame devoured Goblin, Troll, Ogre and anything else in its path. it did not matter as everything the fire touched was scorched to ash. As quickly as the source of the light appeared in the sky it was then gone only to reappear at a different location. "What sorcery is this?" Garcia said, breaking a sweat as the heat of the flame engulfed the area before them. "No sorcery, there can be no doubt. This is dragon fire!"
You can't post your work here in the Lounge, it needs to be in the Workshop, in the appropriate section (Fantasy), and only after doing 2 critiques on other peoples' work for each segment you want to post. Sorry, but Them's the rules as they say.
Looking back at the plot elements you posted, I have one question. What does climate change have to do with the rest of it? Is it what woke the dragon from its slumber? If so it would be a plot element, if not then it's a random thing happening at the same time. Plot elements must link together so that each is caused by what happened before and causes what comes after. It's a chain of causality. Here's what looks like a pretty good breakdown of plot: What is Plot?
