Hey, I'm just looking to get some feedback on some of my core characters for my current project. What do you think of them? you think they need any improvements? etc, etc. Just as a starting note, my story is based in my own world, and is medieval fantasy, and a core feature of my story is a semi-magic occurence where a few, seemingly random people rise from the dead after several years, seemingly through the hand of another Risen, though the Risen have no idea how it works. Fae- My MC, Airtafae/Tafae (I haven't quite decided on the full name yet, taking suggestions), is a former slave girl, heiring from the Tanayah empire (based on various middle eastern cultures). She died helping her best friend, Violet, who gave her her nickname, escape. She awoke five years later in a roadside inn in the northern countries, and gradually found out she was Risen, and went out to find the man who brought her back. Fae is somewhat naive, timid, and desperate to find out why and how she was risen. Samuel- Formerly a guard for the royal family of Braeseth, Samuel was killed in the revolution, and awoke five years after in a cave, alone, just past the Caerwhal border. He spent most of the next year searching, and found his wife and young son in Tredje, in the house of Dalgaard. His wife didn't believe his claims that he was indeed the man she had married, and she and Lord Dalgaard rebuked him, and told him to take his tortured soul and leave them, and never return. He soon became a cynical mercenary, and one day, when passing by the Dividing Range, he stumbled upon the grim sight of an innocent girl being struck down, and he somehow... knew that he could save her. Once she finds him, Samuel becomes somewhat of a reluctant mentor to Fae, but eventually grows to see her as something of a daughter. He has a pretty high level of contempt for Dalgaard, and feels scorned by his wife. In my concept work, I'm having a little trouble not making him a knight in shining armor. There are places where he's actively flawed, but on the whole, he still abides by his morals, even if they've gotten a little bent over the years. Violet- Aside from her appearance early on, Violet doesn't show up until pretty late in the story. The daughter of a fallen Braes noble, she was kidnapped when they were fleeing persecution and they were ambushed by slavers in the Dividing Range, and was sold to Bassaym Alasari. Since Fae was killed, Violet ran and wandered the world for a few years. She's skilled in stealth and infiltration, and sold herself out as an assassin while she tracked down those who told the slavers where her family was all those years ago. She doesn't want to believe Fae is alive when she runs into her again, but can't help her curiosity and follows her on her journey. She's cold, reserved, and sarcastic, but she genuinely cares about Fae and considers her a close friend. Fritjof Dalgaard- A knight of Tredje, he was called out of retirement by King Rangvald to lead the conquest of Caerwhal. His already tense relationship with his wife has become even more strained sense his step-son, Edward, ran away, years ago. He takes to the command of his King with glee, proud to serve the royal line, but is irritated when Inquisitor Wulfric Grondrog is appointed in command over him, and begins to question his loyalty when the Inquistor employs some... inhumane tactics. He's exiled and marked a traitor by Wulfric after he finds evidence that the Inquisitor has been using the King as a figurehead for years, and has puppetmastered the whole invasion. He begrudingly requests the assistance of Fae and Samuel in moving against Grondrog. He's proud, he's stubborn, he's arrogant, and doesn't like Samuel, who he still doesn't believe is who he says he is, but eventually grows to change, and recognize the tyranny in Tredje that existed even before Wulfric Came. Wulfric Grondrog- Finally, the villain of my story, and the Weyoun to Dalgaard's Dukat/Damar. Wulfric was a Tredje scholar many years ago, who believed in trying to expunge the corrupt nobles of the monarchy. Soon enough, however, he was sent on an expedition aboard the Rostjern, and sent out into waters previously deemed to dangerous to explore. Sure enough, the expedition was a ploy to get rid of him, and he died right along side the other passengers of the Rostjern. He was risen by the dark spirit Amar of Wildwood, where he washed up. Amar twisted his view and outlook into something... darker. His determination to stop corruption became an all out obsession, and he began planning to purge all those he deemed corrupt not just from Tredje, but from all the known world, unifying it all under his iron fist. Eventually, he begins to struggle against Amar's influence, but fails. He's dark, manipulative, and a patient control freak. So, what do you guys think of my characters? Dalgaard and Samuel are meant to mirror each other a bit, and Fae is planned to "come of age" if you will throughout the story. Anyway, what do you think?
In future, try to present more specific questions than this. It's much more productive if you present particular concerns and others can assess those concerns. That provides direction and clarity, which is lacking in this kind of basic summary information. It's difficult to simply review this without more specific goals for what you want it to achieve. I say this in support of the 'Using the Character Development Sub-Forum' staff information post. " When using the Character Development sub-forum, remember to have specific questions in mind. Posts to the tune of "Is this character believable/interesting?" give the forum members little to go off of when responding since every character is believable/interesting when executed by a deft hand. " That said, I have a few thoughts. Your 'risen' concept sounds fairly interesting, though you should be careful not to overplay your hand given this isn't the most original concept in the world. Which is to say, I think you should pay attention to the nuance and don't try to rely on pure novelty. The way you describe the plot in the description of 'Fritjof Dalgaard'- with these characters coming together to save the day- and at the end as a coming of age story is potentially concerning. Nothing is at all wrong about it. But simply, I think you should make sure to give some focus to your character's personal journeys, and the comings and goings of the everyday world, and not try too hard to shoehorn in an epic quest just to bring together all the grand storytelling elements you've devised.
Thanks for the advice, and I will try to be a bit more concise in the future. As for the rest of it, yeah, I realize that got kind of jumbled and messy. The story is supposed to lean more in the direction of character development, with the "grand quest" half being a plot tool too force the characters together, and explore this concept of the risen from time to time, as it also takes a bit of a back seat throughout a pretty sizable chunk of the story. I also just liked the concept of this Dark Risen throwing into doubt some of the characters preconceived notion that they were brought back because they were good people at heart, and subsequently their belief that they're good people. The "coming of age" thing is mainly a part of Fae's arc, and the other characters arcs explore other themes. Thank you again.
Wulfric's motivations and backstory sound potentially interesting, being well-intentioned in some sense and a scholar not just an evil torture thug. I would explore those elements and make them really matter. Give him real character, including the little bits about his mannerisms and tastes. Sometimes I think it's easy to forget characters are, being human beings, just as defined by and interested in more mundane things like fashion or writing, especially for characters in something like a dramatic fantasy. But they are, and I think every character should be able and depicted as having relatively ordinary human moments. Unless that's a very strong point of their character that they don't, in which case that becomes itself something to look at seriously.
