Before I get into my question about the tips and suggestions on this episode, I want to say that I drove myself to a 24 hour Walgreens where I carried out the ending of my screenplay/episode. I slept with the sampler pages I wrote last night and had a special lunch with the screenplay the next afternoon. I hope to have more moments like this with screenplays in the future. Anyways, to my question : the suggestions I'm looking for is for an episode I'm writing about a character that is pursuing an internet movie critique club, so he can quit his job at Taco Stan and make a living doing movie critique videos. But, when he loses his best friend, gets grounded and crosses his sociopathic sister. He becomes desperate to take matters into his own hands. The ending I have so far is after his sociopathic sister gets herself grounded, she convinces herself that her older brother got her grounded; therefore, putting him in the hospital where she chases and fights him as he continues to record and pursue his passion, even while being chased with a gun and knife. Basic logline: The protagonist is driven to get his movie critique videos online so he can quit his job at Taco Stan, but all comes to a disastrous halt when he loses his best friend and gets grounded. What would be your guys' tips or suggestions on a good or interesting ending for this episode?
It would be best if you didn't make your thread titles all caps. That's usually considered shouting (ergo rude) on forums. As to the ending - what kind of ending are you looking for? Dramatic, comedic, twist etc?
I edited out all the random capitals, while we don't insist on perfect grammar, (God knows mine isn't) this is a site for writers and posts that are more readable will get a better response. Also this was in the workshop, where you post work for critique, I moved it into plot development but in future please follow the basic guidelines on what goes where
Hat off one of the things that strikes me about this is that trivial consequences (e.g getting grounded) are treated with the same weight as serious ones (e.g getting chased with a gun and knife) that aside it is impossible to answer the question without knowing a lot more about the story and the characters involved
Yes, I have to agree this all seems odd unless it's a comedy along the lines of 'Hot Rod' with Andy Sandberg. Also, it's a bit confusing as it sounds like both characters got grounded but I'm not sure how it happened for each of them.
The ending I have right now, but haven't put it page, is The Protagonist Character getting His Movie Critique Videos online and learning that if He's gonna do something He's passionate about. He's better off doing it for the thrill of it - instead of doing it for just the money. I thought it was funny that He learned this from being chased and almost killed by His Sociopathic Sister. I would like an unexpected ending with comedic twist.
At the beginning of the episode the protagonist character (the older brother) gets into a fight with his best friend while recording a movie critique video. Once the fight escalates to him insulting his best friends dead mom, his best friend leaves the house and the protagonist character gets grounded. Not too much later, the antagonist (the sociopathic younger sister) gets grounded for calling her mom a "lumpy left tittied bitch" while getting picked from school. Prior to that, the antagonist was trying to get the protagonist character and his friend's to fight each other in the front of the school, but is interrupted when their mom drives up and rolls down her window. Where she calls her mom, you know what. Getting herself grounded like this is what causes her to blame her older brother for getting her grounded; therefore, putting him in the hospital and hunting him down to take out the one passion he truly loves... the movie critique club.
Please stop with the random caps. This post is impossible to read. Only capitalise at the start of sentences, or proper nouns (a proper noun is a given name). You seem to be capitalising every pronoun and some random words following them.
I've edited it in the name of forum legibility, but I'm not going to keep doing it... next post with a random shotgun load of capitals is getting deleted
Thanks @big soft moose. OP, there's still too little information. You said "put him in hospital". How? Does she physically attack him? I don't know why we are supposed to care about these characters. You've told us virtually nothing about them. What's the hook? Is this an ongoing series, or is it a standalone episode? Whereabouts in the series does the episode appear? What's the end goal for the character, i.e. where do you want him to get to by the end of the series? And you didn't answer my question about what kind of ending you want.
If you want some help and feedback you need to be less vague. What kind of show are you imagining? Is the film critic plot the plot of the week or an ongoing story that will cover the whole season or series? From what you have posted, it sounds like it's an adult animated comedy but it feels all over the plays to me. I'd suggest making the characters adults and ditch the grounded details and sociopathic aspect of the sister. I think the sociopathic child trope has been done to death with Family Guy, South Park, Bob's Burgers, just to name a few.
Maybe the dude is German? Seems a strange thing to transfer to another language but... can't think of any other explanation for the random caps lol.
That might explain why he's referring to " perpetrating" his screen plays when he means writing them too... But there's nothing on the account to suggest he's not a native speaker
I was perplexed by the wording too. Some of the updates, if written by a native speaker, could seem ominous.
I thought that might be the case, but German has definite rules on which words should be capitalised (all nouns and words at the start of sentences, I think), and that didn't seem to be what the OP was doing. But it's not for us to speculate on the poster
But this is starting to sound like it could be the start of a plot for a thriller! Speculate! We must keep on speculating because I have nothing better to do! (nah it's not true, but rather lots I should be doing but don't wanna. Speculating is far more fun!)
Remember that scene in Inglorious Basterds where the British spy is identified because he used a British way of signalling 3?
