*Warning summary is a little long* Characters Kaira ( female), Zake (Male), Rossa ( female) Conflict: Kaira has a feel of hearing the words "I love you" or saying them. Reasons: When they were little ( age 5-6) Rossa had a crush on Zake, she told Kaira, Kaira wanted her bff to be happy to she didn't tell Rossa She had feelings for Zake. A year later Rossa passed away from a illness. A year after that Kaira's father ( who she looked up to as her hero) drove drunk with her in the vehicle. Kaira and Zake got in to a fight , stop hanging out and started fighting with each other for 8 long years before a plot forced them to worked together. Zake has always had feeling for Kaira but due to stubbornness and fear of driving her father away form her , he can't tell her. Zake has tried a couple of times to tell her how he feels but Kaira says or does something to "cock-block" the moment. She knows he has feelings for her but for some reason the past promise and her daddy issues makes her fear that if those three words are said they will be jinxed and does want to risk losing another friend no matter what Kaira does develop a crush on another guy , thanks to Zake joking pushing her to tell the guy ( Zake thinking the guy won't feel the same) Kaira tries telling the guys and with the fear keeping her from saying the words she snaps her left ring finger behind her back. Zake see this shock ( not knowing how bad her fear is). this also add to his conflict to tell her ( try to again) a few more plot happen and the next thing is Kaira is near death and still fighting with herself over feeling before hearing Zake's voice finally say those three words with that she denies death to tell him how she feels for him. **I basically going with being strangled by the red string** ( its around her throat and around his heart/chest) 1. How is it? 2. What can I improve on? 3. Anything else? Even thought this is the main ( on has something to do) with the main plot I have a bunch of sub plots to keep the audience wondering. there is a lot of symbolism and more characters with conflicts. ( that inner-twine) ~EDIT~ The whole thing starts when they are little but whole getting a crush on another guy and finially confessing happens ages 17-18 area. ( Basically stats in kindergarten ends End of senior year of high school) ( i was just explainging how long this conflict has lasted sorry to confuse anyone)
Okay to be honest the true-love at age 5 stuff seems really contrived. Also 5-year-olds don't really act like that lol that's more like middle school kids. Why not make the initial things (first crush, dad dying etc) happen when they're 14 or 15 and then have current events take place around age 16-17?
I agree with what Mallory said, I think your characters are far too young to be thinking about love. Her age suggestions are spot-on; eight years seems far too long for feelings to have not been dissapated by then. As for the "red string of strangling," I'm wondering what Zake could possibly say to drive Kaira from her father. If it's just about the drunk driving incident, that's easily avoided in conversation. I would try to find something that would absolutely petrify Zake from even approaching her father, and make her hard to separate from her father (as an example).
I fixed that in my EDIT Zake doesn't drive Kaira from her father, the fact her father drove drunk and NEVER learns his lesson ( thus her part divorce) Zake mother dies on the way to the hospital to give birth to his baby sister ( both mother and baby die) killed by drunk driver ( not Kaira's father) Anger is stage of grief and he lassies out at Kaira. it was something hurtful stupid but for 5 years not so much. thus starting the 8 year fighting. Zake's only problem with Kiara's father is he hate how her father hurt her but at the same time he sympathies with him because he ( Zake) hurt Kaira too. Kaira hates her father for being the "fallen" hero in her mind but the her inner little girl still loves her daddy still seeing him as a hero no matter what so it leaves Kaira torn inside Yeah I hope that is enough ( this is what I get for writing late at night)
I agree with previous posts. 5 is too young. And having Rossa die, seems convenient. You seem to have a lot of ideas there, but nothing to hang them together. It's difficult to make a judgment without reading an actual excerpt, but at the moment, your ideas don't seem to have substance. You need to do some work on the basic plot - and the sub-plots, which it seems you haven't really decided on yet.
Rossa Death is not really convent because she was the one who tried to keep the three as friends, the only person who tried to get Zake and Kaira to be friends again, but once she started to get sick she was unable to keep the friendship alive. She got sick around age 5-7 but didn't pass away until age 16-17, her death was kinda a way for 1. Kaira to let out her emotion she tried to hard not show in front of Zake ( he always called her a cry baby, because she always try to do the right thing even when little( example stopping bullies) but her fear always made her start tearing up no matter how brave she tried to act, resulting in Rossa and Zake having to help her) Rossa's death forced Kaira to cry in front of Zake again, having him understand Kaira a little better. Before Rossa's death while Zake and Kaira are forced to work together he sees her deterimation to do the right thing time and time again ( no surprise she been doing since she was little) also Rossa death was never convent because Zake always like Kaira. Rossa even confessed liking him but only having him tell her with telling her that he doesn't feel the same way. ( Rossa kinda had a feeling but not a 100% sure) Zake was always mean to Kaira when they were little ( you know how little boys pick on the girl they like to say they care) While Zake was nice to Rossa treating her like a big sister Even though Kaira is older then Zake by a month and 6 month older then Rossa ( Rossa was maturer then both) Keep it up with the questions this is helping me really develop part of my story ( it an important part i need to straighten out)
