Feedback on Planned Books

Hi, so I am looking for some feedback on the titles and testers for my books. I would like to know if you where to find my book at the library or in a bookstore, would you read it. I know this is vary much a to each their own question, but I would still like to hear for all of you.

The Chronicles of Casolin (the title of the series as a hole)

Winter Blossoms. Teaser: A sad yet joyful story of love, family, loyalty, and honor. Lies will be told, family, and loyalties tested. Joy will be mingled with grief, and yet love may just prevail. Follow the tale of Joren, the crippled heir of RosePool, and his young wife Cressida of StoneWall, on the journey of a lifetime.

Knight of Roses, teaser: Rowen of RosePool has always know that being a knight would not be easy. For he knows all to well what the cost can be; He has grown up around his eldest brother's bitter words of: "If only I had never been in that Godsforsaken tilt!". Rowen also knows that his girlish beauty will only bring him trouble, especially among those who will doubt him because of it. Follow Rowen though a his life, forever trying to get others to believe in him.

Daughter of Wolves, teaser: Ingrid will always remember the crimes committed agents her family. She will never forget her father at his execution. Nor will she forget how her little brother looked after he fell. Ingrid may not be a great knight, but she is a child of the North, a child of wolves; and she will have revenge on all of those that have hurt her family.

The Prince of Winter, teaser: Part One: The Stars of the North: Kel (Kellin of StoneWall) knows it was no accident he fell from his horse. But he cannot remember what made him fall, or the reason why. What he does remember is a great white wolf, as big as a horse standing over him. A animal he knows only form song, a Winter Wolf of the far North. Kel feels drawn to the place where he meet the great wolf, his dreams forever taking him back to that moment. Can he discovered what it means before it is to late? Part Two: Dreams of Starlight: Kel and his sister in law Jessemen are now alone in the Grate Northern Forest. With winter on its way, the two little prepared friends must find a way to survive. And as if cold, hunger and wild animals are not enough, along comes the Winter Wolf Kel has dreamed of for so long. As the world becomes darker, Kel must discover his new abilities. Part Three: The Sword of Winter: Kel, Jessemen, and Jessemen's new born son, are now in hiding outside of the town of SnowFall. So when the news comes of the Kings death, and the crowning of the true King, there is joy to be had. But things are still no right, the family of StoneWall is still broken, and the fate of the house still in dout. And who is this strange who seems to know so much about magic?

Thank you all, and I look forward to hearing what you think.

 

Too vague for me, and also too repetitive. Like, in the first one - A sad yet joyful tale of love...Joy will be mingled with grief and yet love just may prevail. That's the same thing, said almost the same way. why?

 

I think what you're forgetting is: no one knows who the RosePools or the StoneWalls are (I can't help it, but you may want to rethink these names...). Anyway, we don't know who they are or why it's important that the family is still broken etc etc. What it reads like is a vague summary. The stakes of the story are unclear because, again, we don't care about these families yet. The only thing of interest was Kel falling off his horse and knowing it was premeditated - there's a crime to be solved right there, and a reason behind the crime. But you're pretty vague everywhere else.

And I'm not sure I know what a "tilt" is, besides being a verb?

It's also riddled with SPAG problems. So if I were to base my judgement off this summary in your post, my answer is gonna be a "No", both because it sounds very wordy and cliche, as well as the fact that I have my doubts about its quality based on the SPAG errors.

 

I believe that tilt was in reference to jousting, it's not commonly used, but can be.

By the wording, I would guess that RosePool, and StoneWall are place names. If you think about peoples names in fantasy, at least in the nobility. Than you will find that most will have a name, and then say where they are from.

Other than that, I agree with you.

 

Winter Blossoms is a perfectly adequate title as far as it goes, it just doesn't tell us very much.
Knight of Roses sounds incomplete to me, perhaps 'The Knight of Roses'? or 'Knight of The Roses'? I can immediately see where the title comes from by reading the teaser, which is good.
I like the title 'Daughter of Wolves' I'm not sure if it sounds incomplete or not. It makes me think the book might be an 'other world fantasy' (which is one of my favourite genres)
The Prince of Winter is another perfectly good title, again indicates to me that this might be fantasy, I find this title interesting and would pick the book up to read a bit more.

To answer your question about where I might expect to find such titles; I think it would be the Fantasy section, but only if I'd read the summary for some of them.

There is clearly a problem with spelling, it looks to me like most of the spelling issues are stuff which got through the spell check without you noticing. (you've written 'agents' instead of 'against' the spell check doesn't worry about such things as both are proper words.)

You have perfectly workable ideas for your stories and the imagination to make it work. the rest is just detail which you can sort as you go along, as most of us do. I suggest you double check spelling and grammar though as there are people who will take you much less seriously if you post with spell check errors and suchlike.

The tilt-yard was where jousting took place, 'Tilting' specifically refers to two contestants charging at each other on horseback with lances, there were many other sports carried out in the tilt yard.
An early form of BMX racing may have been one of them.
Henry the 8th of England broke his leg badly in a Jousting contest in the Tilt yard at Greenwhich Palace, he was knocked unconscious and the fracture to his leg never healed properly, it is believed by quite a lot of scholars that the constant pain and the disability brought on by the constantly infected wound may be why he turned into such a B*****d.

Good luck with your writing and keep at it.

 

Aha, tilt is a jousting term. Thanks. Did not know that. The OP should find out if most readers will understand what "tilt" is in reference to there, since it's not a common term I think?

As for the names - I just don't like them, personally. They are two nouns put together, neither of which sounds particularly original. But of course, that's just my opinion, and it's a risk all fantasy names run, that someone out there will find it sounding a little meh.

 

That seems to be a growing list of unwritten books. Really, it doesn't really make a difference what kind of feedback you get in the idea stage. You haven't even fleshed out these ideas yourself which is done by actually writing the stories.

 

My first thought is that there’s a lot of similarity to Game of Thrones here—Winter Blossoms, based on your other thread, is a lot like Sansa’s story, Daughter of Wolves, based on the teaser here, is a lot like Arya’s, and so on. You may need to tweak the stories to avoid those comparisons.

 

It is also a pinball term.


@ The OP: I think your first plan should be to start writing them, and then worry about
what people think about them through getting critiques and beta readings.

 

That was my first thought too, and wasn't there a knight of roses in Game of Thrones too (Loras Tyrell)? Not to say you can't use 'Knight of Roses' as it's generic enough, but combined with the other things that sound like they've been pulled from GoT, it might make people think this is a rip off of GoT

 

Whoa. Yeah... That may need more than a tweak...