She talked about both and I'm pretty sure she understood the difference. It's no biggie - I wasn't pointing out that you made an "error" - I just wanted to understand what you meant if you really were talking about critiques.
I'd also just been reading a book called Page Fright in which the two words were used interchangeably. Sorry for the confusion.
So you just meant people shouldn't read reviews, rather than shouldn't read critiques? Even that, I'd disagree with. Some people shouldn't read reviews. If you have thin skin or are easily discouraged, I agree you shouldn't read them. But if you have thick skin and are willing to read some crap in order to get some useful feedback, I think reading reviews can be a good idea. Otherwise we're just throwing our work out into a void with no real understanding of how it's being received. I don't think that's idea.
I find that I have a hard time letting people critique my work not because I'll get defensive or dismiss everything that they may say but because more times than not I will end up trying to change something that I strongly believe has no business being changed. I had written a short story about a war that had happened somewhere in the past and one person wanted me to change the main character because they felt a woman was more suited for the role. I actually entertained the idea. SMH. When it comes to critiques for me, I usually only worry about the critiques that I can do things about without changing the direction, plot or tone of my work. If you have notes on my grammar, spelling or word placement, fine, I'll work on it. But once you just tell me something was horrible with no reason why or try and tell me to change something just because you want to see it another way makes me feel like the critique is less than helpful.
Take everything with a grain of salt, if youre a professional writer your only true critic is the money you do or dont make. If you arent a professional have fun with it and keep all your little darlings alive
I take it seriously when it's criticism that should be taken seriously. I've generally avoided 'bad' criticism (as in poorly written/offered criticism), but I had one instance where, a few years ago, a short story I wrote received a huge 'review' from this guy who nitpicked the whole story (he liked it in the end but had a ton of bad nitpicks), and like literally 9 out of every 10 of his nitpicks were incorrect/mistakes, and when I rebuffed some of them and defended myself, he got incredibly mad at me an accused me of being arrogant/pretentious/etc. Pretty much my worst/most amusing run in with shitty criticism.
I would say it depends on the criticism and who is giving it. A harsh criticism from some one who has never read anything in my genre, I might just shake off. If the harsh, but constructive criticism is coming from some one who I trust and admire, I would be more willing to give credence to it.
Of course I don't listen to critics. Why would I need help with perfection? Really they should expect their violent dismemberment for their impudence. What fools. Seriously though, criticism is good for you. Sometimes I find it tough to listen, it's annoying to be told you're wrong, but be very ready to accept arguments are right about your work, because they might well be. I think the argumentative principle of charity is important here. Always assume there is some kind of logic to your opponent's position and that it is quite possible they have a point.
There's actually a Mark Rosewater quote about that (head designer of the Magic the Gathering card game, yes, I used to play that.) "A work that everyone likes but nobody loves will fail."
Kenneth Tynan once said something to the effect that "A critic is someone who knows the route but cannot drive the car." In other words, he's perfectly able to see where things are going right or going wrong, even if he isn't capable of directing the film. (An artist friend of mine told me that story, adding sardonically that the tour guide sometimes gets paid a lot more than the driver does.) Roger Ebert (who never directed a film, but did have a screenplay or two under his belt) always tried to make it clear that he rated movies according to how well he thought their intended audience would expect of them. If the film failed to impress him, he tried to explain how his own biases and expectations might have colored his opinion, and trusted that his readership was smart enough to take it from there. I'm in much the same predicament when I read what's been posted on this or other forums. Much of it is simply not my cup of tea, so I don't try to make comments beyond workaday topics like clarity or SPaG. I don't think I could write romances or horror to save my life, so I can't critique them. When taking criticism, well, I'm just like the rest of us ... learning what my strengths and weaknesses are, and grateful for honest criticism. For example, I've just posted something on the fiction side because I need feedback. It's a story that relies almost entirely on dialog rather than action, and I don't know if it's going to fly. I like it, but I'm weird. I need to know whether other people are as weird as I am, or at least weird enough to like it, too.
I think you've hit the nail on the head with this post. You should never be pressured into changing your actual story, just because a reader is prejudiced against your characters, plot developments, whatever. You can consider changing the WAY you told your story instead, to bring the doubters on board, if you want. However, you will never please everybody, no matter what you do. Good idea to get to the bottom of why she thought that, though. If she's the kind who thinks women should be front and centre in every story these days, then that's her issue. She should write about it herself. If she's picked up traits or circumstances in your story that might make it better to choose a woman rather than a man as the character, then her idea might be worth thinking about. You could either alter the gender, as she suggested, or perhaps alter traits or circumstances to make your choice of a man as the character's gender more believable. Or ...just thank her and let the idea go. It's your story, at the end of it all.
Concur with @jannert, who has given me the best critique of my WIP received to date. My wife agrees with her, and I am waiting to see what my editor thinks, so I can merge multiple recommendations together. Meanwhile, have been trying to get my website up and operational, start my other WIPs, and take a break for the obsession that has dominated my life for the past three years. Thanks, @jannert, and looking forward to returning the favor sometime!
It was a huge pleasure, Lew. And now my husband want to read it as well. It was really a great few days.
Hope he enjoys it as much as you did! Thanks for all your kind and insightful comments. Started another WIP set in the Black Sea basin @7500 years ago, one on TACAMO, and going to publish a long finished short story involving Pilate and Jesus after the resurrection: interesting conversation! And Karen has caught the bug and started a delightful fantasy on shape-shifting wolves which is off to a dynamite start at 20 pages.
