I was reading it and thought 'meh'. Then I got to and got really confused. It just makes no sense to me historically or human nature-wise or militarily. It did not hook me enough to make me want to find out how these things occurred.
The main hook for me was the last bit - whether she really loves him or is just using him. The rest of it feels pretty straight forward. Anyway yeah, sure, I'd read it.
Thanks for the feedback. I think I should capitalize on that, and maybe make it a balanced mix between both? Human beings are very complex and I think that question can be the story's main driving force.
I think yours is better than the Moose. But the Moose has the best name and profile picture on this site.
As I mentioned my rewrite was for a submission query (this thread started life in the queries section until it got moved because this book isnt written yet) - a synopsis for sending to an agent is very different to a synopsis for your own use Personally I think Wrey has the best avatr, although I like Lifelines as well
Good point. About the synopsis, not the profile pic. Nothing is better than the big soft Moose. I had that exact stuffed moose growing up. I bought him at a campground.