1. vanilla16

    vanilla16 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2011
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    U.S.A.

    Which of these sentences is correct? ^-^ And another question, too!

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by vanilla16, Mar 17, 2012.

    'Ello, :3

    Could you tell me which of these sentences is correct? :)

    She seemed intent on making me miserable.
    OR
    She seemed to be intent on making me miserable.

    A-and, BTW, is there a better way to write this sentence?
    She sat on the grass with her chin on her knees.


    Thanks! :-D
     
  2. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,150
    Likes Received:
    1,034
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    either way is okay grammatically and reads well... if you follow the 'less is more' axiom, then the first would be preferable... but if your narrator's 'voice' tends to the wordy, then the second may work better...


    yes... i'd try:

    She sat on the grass and rested her chin on her knees.
    or
    She sat on the grass, rested her chin on her knees.
    or
    She sat on the grass, her chin resting on her knees.

    ...in all cases, however, the repeated 'her' would annoy me, so i'd find a completely different way to describe her position... perhaps:

    She sat down on the grass, wrapped both arms around upraised knees and rested her chin there.
     
  3. madhoca

    madhoca Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2008
    Messages:
    2,604
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    the shadow of the velvet fortress
    Yes, I'd try to word the 3rd sentence so the 'her' isn't repeated. In the second example all the two-letter words annoy me: to/be/on, although I'm not saying it's incorrect.

    mamma, isn't that a slightly awkward splice? --> She sat on the grass, rested her chin on her knees. ??
     
  4. digitig

    digitig Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2010
    Messages:
    2,490
    Likes Received:
    81
    Location:
    Orpington, Bromley, United Kingdom, United Kingdom
    On the other hand, the wordiness of that would annoy me, and the repeated "her" in the earlier versions wouldn't. Like so many things in writing, I don't think it's a question of one way being "better", it's a question of different styles.
     
  5. Elgaisma

    Elgaisma Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,319
    Likes Received:
    97
    I agree with digitig

    The original:

    She sat on the grass with her chin on her knees.


    There is nothing wrong with that sentence and it provides a simple clear image. The alternatives seem to be very wordy ways of portraying the same image.

    I would maybe add She sat on the grass with her chin resting on her knees.

    It is down to the OPs style though.
     
  6. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    15,262
    Likes Received:
    13,084
    How about

    She sat on the grass, chin on knees.

    Too terse?
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. Elgaisma

    Elgaisma Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,319
    Likes Received:
    97
    I like that ChickenFreak.
     
  8. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,150
    Likes Received:
    1,034
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    as noted above, when there's no right or wrong in re the slew of suggested versions, it's all just a matter of style preference...
     
  9. CLM1188

    CLM1188 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2011
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    As to which sentence is better, I think it happens to be a matter of preference. They are both grammatically sound with the only difference being three verbs (to seem, to intend, to make) in the former, and four verbs (to seem, to be, to intend, to make) in the latter. I say go with your heart on this choice. :)
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice