1. rktho

    rktho Contributor Contributor

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    How to insert this exchange while keeping the tone consistent?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by rktho, Jan 22, 2020.

    So I have an exchange that I want to include in the story for foreshadowing, but it takes place just after a very tragic event.

    So my characters are named Leela and Apollon. Leela is nonhuman and she has two tails growing out of her head. Her father is human and so is Apollon.

    So there's this rebellion happening, and Leela's father doesn't want her to be part of it. But she sneaks into the rebel camp anyway— both because she wants to fight and so she can spend time with this Apollon, who she's not supposed to see. When Leela's father finally tracks her down, he uses her full name, Calisuma. He drags her away to find a transport off the planet, but it seems the only way to get offworld is to go on a supply run with the rebels. So they join the supply party, intending to be dropped off at the nearest spaceport, but instead Leela's father has a change of heart and they join the rebellion. While this is happening, a child recklessly gets himself killed, and Apollon feels personally responsible because he was his dead best friend's little brother aand the last thing she told him when she got shot was to look after him. The supply party returns within an hour of the kid's death and everyone is very saddened by the news.

    Now, I want Apollon and Leela to have this exchange when they reunite, but given the current somber, grieving mood, I don't feel like it fits. But it's a piece of fairly significant foreshadowing. The exchange goes like this:

    Apollon, after having reunited with Leela, who's told him she's joining the rebellion: So... Calisuma?
    Leela: That's what Leela's short for.
    Apollon: How do you get Leela from Calisuma?
    Leela: I don't know. Ask my mother.
    Apollon: What happened to your mother, anyway? I've never seen her.
    Leela: She died.
    Apollon: I'm sorry.
    Leela: That's why my father adopted me.
    Apollon: Okay, so you are adopted. I wasn't sure if you were adopted or you were a hybrid.
    Leela: Nope, fullblood Twi'lek, but my mama said my papa had four head-tails.
    Apollon: Wow. You'd sure look different if you turned out more like him, wouldn't you?

    At this point in the story, the audience has already become acquainted with a four-tailed Twi'lek, and this foreshadowing would hint at the connection. Later in the story, Leela will encounter this character.
     
  2. TheOtherPromise

    TheOtherPromise Active Member

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    My impression based on just what was posted, find somewhere else to put in this conversation. If this is within an hour or two of the kid's death and the kid was important to Apollon then Apollon's thoughts would be on the kid, not on hearing Leela's full name. It can easily be something he remembers and asks her about at a later date.
     
  3. rktho

    rktho Contributor Contributor

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    The issue is that they’re not going to have all that much time. They’re going to get right into the final stand. I suppose I could have that conversation when they’re hunkered down in the sewers hiding from the bombs...
     

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