Hi, I'm not a professional writer, and don't claim to be a wiz at grammar / punctuation, so go easy I'm wondering how I should lay out and punctuate non-reporting clauses (by which I mean clarifying / descriptive comments) interjecting a block of text where the focus is on a character speaking. For instance, where you might describe a gesture someone makes, rather than describing the way they said something. I've written an example below. Should it be: "But Dr Alexander, just what was it?" "We may never know," the doctor frowned, "and perhaps it's best that way". He chanced a glance at the headmistress, discreet enough that the others didn't notice. "Anyway, I'd best be getting back to the surgery." His speech had quicked, betraying an anxiety to leave. "It was very nice to meet you all". "Alright then," Tracey frowned, "I guess I'll see you there". The focus is on Dr Alexander, so the Dr's speech, reporting clauses and descriptive comments are all contained within a paragraph. Or should it be: "But Dr Alexander, just what was it?" "We may never know," the doctor frowned, "and perhaps it's best that way". He chanced a glance at the headmistress, discreet enough that the others didn't notice. "Anyway, I'd best be getting back to the surgery." His speech had quicked, betraying an anxiety to leave. "It was very nice to meet you all". "Alright then," Tracey frowned, "I guess I'll see you there". The descriptive comments have their own lines, but when it comes back to the speech, it isn't clear who is speaking, so if this latter example is the correct format presumably I would need to add further reporting clauses? Appreciate any thoughts or constructive suggestions people have. Thanks!
The former. You should generally only start a new paragraph when there is a new speaker. However, there are a number of other issues with the passage. You have two characters frowning. Frowning is an action beat, not a dialogue tag. You're using it as the latter. You can avoid breaking up dialogue in this way, but if you really must then: "Alright then." Tracy frowned. "I guess I'll see you there." "quicked" is not a word. The word you want is "quickened", but the second part of the sentence is telling. There's no need for this. Let the readers draw their own conclusion.
Thanks for coming back to me. The text I provided was just an example. It's not from something I'm actually working on, I just wrote it when I was writing the post. Should have made that clear, sorry. So can I check I have these right... Action beat = a descriptive comment that is not a reporting clause? Dialogue tag = reporting clause?
I had to look up reporting clause. It seems to mean the same thing as a dialogue tag. I've also seen it called a reported clause now. Action beats are the little phrases that let the reader know who's speaking without directly saying 'he said, she said, he expostulated' etc. It's a way of getting some variety in while still making it clear who's speaking. You don't want a thousand repetitions of 'he said', and you also don't want to get into crazy variations like 'spat/hissed/screamed'groaned'. You can do a little of that as long as it feels appropriate, but a little goes a long way. So breaking it up with action beats is a good move. An action beat does 2 things—it lets the reader know who's speaking but also puts a little action in. Example: "Look out!" John grabbed the wheel, steered forcibly around the truck in front of them. "Never do that again!" Sally reprimanded. "But... if I didn't we'd be dead!" As for how to properly punctuate them, I'm not the one to say.
An action beat is exactly what it sounds like - someone carrying out an action, attached to a line of dialogue that identifies the speaker. A dialogue tag is a description of the line being spoken, eg "said", "exclaimed", "shouted", with a tag identifying the speaker. It is what you are calling a reporting clause.
The hard part for me is to remember to use commas with dialogue tags. I've read that before but always forget, plus it just feels wrong!
As others have said, there are several issues. I think you ought to put in some work on your grammar and sentence structure. For example, you could have: "We may never know." The doctor frowned. "Perhaps it's best that way". He glanced at the headmistress. It was discreet enough for the others not to notice.
Thank you! This is exactly the sort of thing I was looking for So based on the information on that page, would people say the following is punctuated correctly? "Did you find him?” Lily asked urgently, relieved to see the youthful officer, whose sense of earnestness always made her feel confident. The constable shook his head sadly. “No sign of him I’m afraid, but the boat’s still there, so he can’t have got far. Fortunately, Mr Gilford’s arrival seems to have scared him off.” He nodded towards the headmaster, who stood to one side listening attentively. “My guess is he’s hiding out in the woods. We’ll catch him, don’t you worry.” He spoke with a slight impediment, scarcely detectable unless you were paying particular attention, but noticeable to Lily, who was lip-reading. “Thank you, Wainwright.” Mr Gilford smiled at the officer.
This one is outside of my knowledge base. Technically it would be a dialogue tag, because it's 'Lily asked', and those are supposed to be punctuated with a comma. But she's asking a question, and it seems like it needs a question mark. In fact there's a dialogue tag followed by an action beat, but you punctuate according to whichever is closest, and that's the tag. Officially lost.
Basically, end the dialogue with a comma, unless there is any punctuation there other than a full stop (period). So: "Hi Bob!" said Joe. "Hi Joe," muttered Bob.
