Let me emphasize. My character is at the doorstep of a an abandoned home after an apocalypse of which the reader has no clue about. I'm trying to make the scene emotional, as my character observes the dusty door, and is able to feel the love that once inhabited it, but I just cant seem to get the right approach. Could anyone help? If you need more information, just let me know
Is it a house they've visited before? If so, some of the features of the door might have some memories attached. They look at where the doorbell used to be, and remember that catchy tune it always played. If not, and she's guessing about people she's never met, maybe the inhabitants left some clues behind about who they were. Maybe a letter attached to the door directing on any friends and family to the refuge they went to. Perhaps a suitcase burst on the way out the door, and there's still some personal mementos remaining in front of the door. If the disaster took place round-about a time such as Halloween or Christmas--or a family member's birthday--the decorations might still be on the door, and clearly had a lot of love put into them.
Maybe you could have the character imagine what the door thinks about her standing there and looking at it after all this time.
WOW! Brilliant! I hadn't planned on it being a house of any importance to the protagonist, but the elements of family (a concept of much curiosity to the protagonist) will what I'll really try and emphasize on. Family photos, letters (as you recommended) and other things!
Personification? That's a really good idea. Here's the sentence I used - "The door was cloaked in a thick of layer of dust, but concealed underneath were scars that would never heal" Thoughts?
Fantastic! Now where I'm stuck is how I'd go about describing her grabbing the handle, without "telling". What advice do you have?
You could just have her touch it and maybe feeling the rust on the metal? Or describe if the handle feels warm or cold depending on season. Does it feel loose in her grip and threatens to fall off, or is it surprisingly sturdy on such an old door. Sounds like a great scene leading into something really important for your character. Good luck.
Again, fantastic help. Will definitely try some of this. Mind if I tag you when I come up with something?
Ever read The Road? There's a scene just like that when the Man returns to his birthplace after an apocalypse and is flooded with memories from the scarce items that remain. IIRC, there's a bit about the mantle above the fireplace and the notches on the wall where the kids used to be measured on their birthdays. I'm not saying you can't do something similar, but it's a notable scene in a famous book so you might want to check it out for derivation purposes.
Is there an intact house attached to the door, or just remnants? What is the dust composed of? (I ask this, since dust needs some kind of force to adhere to a vertical surface; in this case, this may have been the explosion of other buildings.) You need to evoke either memory or imagination: she recalls associations with the house and its residents - with or without visual clues or detritus), or has premonition, anxiety or hope of what she may find on the other side.
Wow... Well, that certainly has me thinking. The dust I can not really explain, as the reason behind apocalypse itself will not be explained. The house will be intact, as I want the protagonist to enter, and look around the house. And I have plans for how it'll make her feel
I think it might be an example of deja vu, where even though the door itself is a new experience, there are certain aspects of it ... color, perhaps, or size, or a scuff or dent ... that awaken the viewer's memories somehow. The viewer may not even be aware of the cause of the feeling, only that it sweeps over her like a hand across harpstrings, and leaves her surprised at her own reaction. I can't think of anything else in literature that's similar to your situation, except two lines of a song by the incomparable John Prine. Hello In There is a song about old people, and the second verse begins: "Me and Loretta, we don't talk much more, She sits and stares through the back door screen." That says so much with so few words.
Thoughts on these three sentences? "The door was cloaked in a thick of layer of dust, but concealed underneath were scars that would never heal. Hesitantly, she reached for the rusty, cold knob, apprehensive of what lay behind. Inhaling one last time, she pushed it open."
I might have her "...put her hand on the rusty, cold knob..." since she can feel the cold when she touches it and not when she reaches. Edited to add: Or gripped, grasped, or some sort of touch verb.
@ChickenFreak Thoughts about it as a general opening? Does it make you want to read further and is it too cliche?
It’s not bad and it’s not “ooh!” The reaching and hesitation work well for me—they get us into the mind of a character that we haven’t met, which is a feat. The “thick layer of dust” makes me go all literal and say “dust doesn’t get ‘thick’ on vertical surfaces!” and that distracts me.
I was told that yeah... How would you change that? I was trying to aim at describing how abandoned, old, and untouched the house had been for x amount of years.
Hmmm. Random phrases “coating of wind-driven dirt” Something about peeling, dirt-coated paint. Something about brass once proudly polished and now coated in dirt. Maybe the wood is so old and neglected that there’s a crack running through the door or the door panels are separating. Hmmm. Maybe a Google image search on old doors? Except that will likely give you clean well-loved old doors.
xD Hadn't thought of the paint, nor how to describe the dust without delving too deep into what happened. Thank you
