1. Andi. Just Andi.

    Andi. Just Andi. Active Member

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    How would a polygamous relationship work out?

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Andi. Just Andi., Jun 14, 2018.

    So, I've gotten the idea to have these three characters of mine in a polygamous relationship, and I wanted to ask how would you think this relationship could work out?

    Some things that should probably be known are that they all childhood friends. Additinally, they are all romantically and platonically involved, however, only two of them are sexually involved. They don't have kids and do at times discuss whether or not they want children in the future. Also, two of them are men and one of them is a woman.

    So, any thoughts?
     
  2. izzybot

    izzybot Transhuman Autophage Contributor

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    A brief point -- polygamy refers to multi-person marriage; a non-married relationship involving multiple people is polyamory :)

    That out of the way, it really depends on the personalities of the characters involved. Plenty of people make it work in real life, so you might find inspiration by looking up articles and blog by people in poly relationships and seeing how they navigate things. It takes a lot of communication and trust (as with any relationship, just a bit more because there are more peoples' feelings to consider), so I think the fact that your characters are childhood friends would probably work in their favor to a large degree. But it's really completely a matter of how they, as people, interact with each other at all.
     
  3. Some Guy

    Some Guy dilettante assassin! Supporter

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    My 'tuple' is one male, in life over his head, and three girls who love him and are smitten with each other. They have a New Age mentor, and he asks her how he can make them all happy. She smiles that smile, the one where you should know what they know, and says, "You're not in a relationship with three girls, you're in a tuple with four loving people, you all make each other happy." It changes his perspective.
     
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  4. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Contributor Contributor

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    I second what Izzy said.
    Even though I have a cursory understanding of
    how the dynamic works from limited research
    into the matter.
     
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  5. Andi. Just Andi.

    Andi. Just Andi. Active Member

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    So, by using the Myer-Brigg's 16 personalities, I've been able to work on how their personalities affect their interactions with each other. Here's some examples if anyone's interesting:

    The woman (Hespera) and one of the men (Leon) are both extraverted while the second man (Rhys) is more introverted. If Rhys is left in a crowded setting for too long, he suffers from sensory-overload and it could lead to a panic-attack if it goes on for long enough. Therefore, Hespera and Leon keep an eye on him if they are at big parties and whoever is closest to Rhys will take him outside for some fresh air if it becomes too much for him.

    Another thing is Leon being a more "thinking" personality. He can be insensitive because of this and doesn't always consider the feelings of others, causing tension between him and Rhys and Hespera. As he was unable to understand the emotional differences between different people and how much other can tolerate, Léon did not know how to resolve the issue. When this was brought up in a discussion between the three, Léon from then on has challenged himself to be more sensitive to the feelings of his partners and others around him.

    This is all I have at the moment. There'll be more later-on, but are your thoughts so far?
     
  6. CoyoteKing

    CoyoteKing Good Boi Contributor

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    I don't know how much research you've done, so I'm going to give you a very basic rundown.

    Like Izzybot said, there's a difference between "polygamy" and and "polyamory."
    • Polygamy ("multiple marriage") refers specifically to marrying multiple spouses.
    • Polyamory ("multiple love") is when multiple people are in a romantic relationship.
    Polygamy is almost completely illegal. In some countries, men are allowed to have multiple wives, but right now, that's the only form of legal polygamy in the world. Women are not allowed to have multiple husbands in any country. (Source, if you're interested.)

    Of course, if you're making up your own country (or writing sci-fi/fantasy) you get to decide what's legal in your world and what isn't.

    When three people are in a relationship together, it's considered one of two things.
    • A triad. A triad has three people in an equal romantic relationship. Each person is romantically involved with each other.
    • A "V." In a V, one person is "shared" by two people (who are not romantically involved with each other.)
    In both these scenarios, everyone is a consenting adults and knows what's going on. You said in your story, all three of them are romantically involved, but two of them are not having sex with each other... so I think it's really up to you what you'd consider that.

    Another thing to consider is: There's different kinds of polyamory. There's closed triads, open triads, anarchists, and hierarchical polyamorists. Are your three characters in an open relationship still? Are they allowed to see other people outside the triad? Or are they closed (only allowed to see each other)?
    _____________________________________________________

    I wrote a triad romance novel once. Honestly, I would not do it again. The thing about triad romance is, instead of having one relationship (A+B), you have four:
    • (A+B)
    • (A+C)
    • (B+C)
    • (A+B+C)
    And each one is important. It's difficult to balance. In a two-person relationship, all you have to do is ask yourself, "How do Bob and Alice interact? What's their relationship like? How do they talk to each other? How do they feel about each other?" In a triad relationship, you have to do that four different times for each mini relationship.

    So that's just something to keep in mind. Thing about what makes them different, what makes them the same, and how they interact with each other. How they each support each other.

    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2018
  7. Andi. Just Andi.

    Andi. Just Andi. Active Member

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    Thank you for your reply!

    Regarding whether or not it's a polygomous or polyamorous relationship, Leon and Hespera or married, but Rhys is not married to either of them. Therefore, it is overall a polyamourous relationship. It is also uncommon for a woman to marry multiple men in the country I'm building and it is frowned upon by some, but not enough for there to be anything actually done about it.

    I've actually been focusing on (A+B+C) more than the remaining three relationships. Thank you for bringing my attention to that. I'm debating whether or not it should be a closed or open triad, but I'm leaning more towards a closed triad because they've been able to know each other for years.

    Also, since you have experience with writing this kind of relationship, what did you do to handle the more two-person relationships?
     
  8. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributor Contributor

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    But only two are 'sexually involved.'

    Isn't that a couple - plus their friend the irritating gooseberry fellow?
     
  9. Andi. Just Andi.

    Andi. Just Andi. Active Member

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    Sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean by "gooseberry fellow".
     
  10. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributor Contributor

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    'Classically,' if you're on a date and there is a spare person in attendance they are know as a 'gooseberry.' They might refer to themselves as a gooseberry - 'my, my, I feel all green and hairy.'

    I think we/you learn the term first time one is a gooseberry. I thought it was American English also?

    Round about eighteen everybody's saying all these things about green fruit around you and you don't know what to think until the penny drops or somebody explains.

    'Oh, you want me to f*ck off?'

    'Yes.'

    'Oh...'
     
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  11. Andi. Just Andi.

    Andi. Just Andi. Active Member

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    I'm not sure where you heard that from, but nobody, at least where I live, uses that term. Instead, we refer to that person as a "third wheel".

    As for applying that term to my character, the importance of sex varies between different couples. For some, sex isn't that important and they do it once in awhile. For others, they do it all the time. In this case, Rhys is asexual, meaning he has no sexual feelings or desires. However, he is still able to have a platonic and romantic relationship with Hespera and Leon.
     
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  12. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributor Contributor

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    Yes, of course you're right. I must have lost all sight of my senses. I don't know why I just keep writing about fruits of the world, it's my genre round here, my tag, thing. I love bananas, oranges are funny, eh.

    ...

    Your story sounds great. Rhys might, maybe, might, perhaps get side-lined in the margins? I mean what's the point of Rhys? Is he an extra cushion on the sofa?

    ...

    But, I think it is a good idea, write it. I'd like to see the dynamic on the page. Thank you.
     
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  13. Andi. Just Andi.

    Andi. Just Andi. Active Member

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    Well, that all depends on how I write him. I do love making my character's suffer for no reason other than my own enjoyment. . .and pain :')

    Also, thank you. You've actually made me think about the work I need to do on the roles each of them play in the relationship. So, thank you for that.
     
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  14. Some Guy

    Some Guy dilettante assassin! Supporter

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    There are good insights here. It gives me a lot to consider, which is wonderful. The mentor is my mechanism for how they should deal with each other as the 'tuple' progresses. They are high school age. They have not had sex yet, but they know they will, and admit their anxiety openly. All that cross-pairing and personality drama is gold, because it is happening at the same time in my story. The POV is the male MC and relieves me of the burden of other mindsets, but not his, as he discovers he's wrong or right about girls, and people, and himself. He's a moron, remember? He's going to learn and not, get things right, and wrong, and face Truth. He will never escape Truth. He will suffer, and thrive.
    I am compelled to represent most of the story as dialog, visceral action, and especially looks, body language, gestures, and his perception of expressions in general. This, in opposition to my other story, mostly action and narrative, making dialog difficult.
    I like the lovey dialog for the Ero-drama better (450pgs in), but the other apocalyptopia story is so damn cool, in my head (100+pgs in).
     
  15. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    As an introvert, I wanted to say that this sounds like pretty extreme introversion or perhaps beyond introversion. (Most introverts would, for example, be able to realize that they need to step aside, and not need help doing so.) I’m not saying that’s a problem at all, I just wanted to be sure you knew that.
     
  16. Some Guy

    Some Guy dilettante assassin! Supporter

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    There is the 'deer in the headlights' thing, for me, or it triggers an episode, or exhaustion.
     
  17. Andi. Just Andi.

    Andi. Just Andi. Active Member

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    Hi, sorry that I didn't reply earlier. Anyway, what if this occured at specific times? Like, his occupation will be either a soldier in a royal army or a palace guard. Therefore, assuming that he has been a witness to some things of a haunting nature, a flashback might be triggered once in awhile.
     

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