Let's say you want to describe a shabby rental home. What do you to get the right words? Looking at pictures of old houses? What if your own words don't seem strong enough to describe such a house? Do you flip through a thesaurus in the hope to find some better words?' Do you go to the website of a real estate guy and check what he wrote about a similar joint? I wonder what you do to approach your description of anything. Do you have any tips and tricks?
Checking out some pictures isn't a bad strategy at all. If you can describe what you see, then you'll have the words more readily at hand for something you can't see. I tend towards sparser descriptions, so I'll usually pick out a few details that get the point across. The lawn was more weed than grass, and though the house's chipped, faded paint concerned me, the more worrisome thing was the dramatic dip in the roof collecting scummy rain water. Or, if I want something more in-depth to really drive the point home, I'll pick a starting point where you're likely to look first, and build up to the key feature. I did that in the above sentence too, but since it's only one line it's not as apparent. Longer example because I'm feelin' it: Spoiler We came up alongside a chain link fence that I thought I might get tetanus just from looking at, and I'd already started pitying whoever rented this shithole when the landlord stopped. Ah. Crap. (Starting from the edge of the property ...) It didn't get better from there. The front lawn, if it could be called a lawn, was a mash-up of weeds, gravel, and bare dirt, with the remains of some paving stones and cement planters scattered around. If there was any rhyme or reason to their placement, I couldn't work it out. A rusted-out push mower lurked near the gate, its tires completely devoured by creeping vines that had started up the fence, too. (... to the yard, but bringing it back to the pov's location at the gate ...) Then, god help me, there was the house itself. It had been painted some kind of awful salmon-y color at some point, but faded to a pastel pink that was absolutely no better. Where the pink had flaked and chipped away entirely, I could see the previous coat of pale yellow peeking through, and more vines had started up the walls to add their own color to the mix. I tried to tell myself it was ... festive. Sure. (Going from the periphery of the house to ...) The window in the door was completely smashed, and the other window on the front of the house was covered by a blue tarp, so I was guessing that one was a goner too. I wasn't sure I even wanted to know about the rest. (... build into the main attraction.) The good news was that there was a pool. I didn't love the location so much, given that it lived in the huge dip in the roof, but hey, bright side, right? Sure, I'd probably have to duck to walk across the living room or whatever, and my pool was host to approximately every mosquito in the county and most of the algae, but ... pool. Yay.
Try to give enough information so that you can imagine what it looks like, without being drowned in excessive detailing. That way your 'vision' is not going to be the same as the next persons. Besides the characters are the forefront focus of the story, and objects/buildings/vehicles are their tools in the universe. Could you imagine having to read a lengthy description, and or specs. drop right in the middle of a scene? It would be like an infodump, but with details. So less is more, from an imagination standpoint. Give me the pertinent information and I can 'see' what the characters do. Give me a time period setting, a few quick things about it (unless it is more complicated in design or function, which would require a bit more information). I will use a desk as an example as they crop up off and on in my two part story. The desk is modest sized and everything was in its place. (Continue on with the important stuff going, beyond the desk.) Example of getting carried away: It was a fine wood. Walnut I guess, based on the grain and color. Each of the drawers are of a master craftsman who favored the dove tail joints in the wood. And the inlay of abalone on the smooth surface was finely detailed. An intricate and elaborate border around the face of it. Like many vines intertwining, with much detail put into the leaves. Ok I will admit a desk is a desk, and its value to the story is based upon the pace of said story and the characters obsession to things in it. So it all comes down to that pretty much. My story would be a trillion words long if I took time to write every little detail about everything. It just doesn't work in the given context. Bit more interesting what is going on in the characters heads, given they are in a chaotic situation. Suppose writing a less involved story would free up space for greater detail work.
Don't describe the house right away either. Little details here and there work just as well. Or, I have a character that comes from a poorer economic situation so he described the house someone lived in because he was enamored by it. Eitherway I like to sprinkle in details over time that create a bigger picture as whole
Everyone knows what a house looks like, but no one except you knows what that house looks like. Focus on the bits that make that house unique, rather than wasting your time and ours telling us stuff we already know. That's how I approach it
If you're in close third or first, which are the most common POVs these days, you describe what your POV character would notice. If the shabby home belongs to the character, it's likely s/he wouldn't notice anything about it... or maybe tie it in with your character's attitude toward the place... "The annuals I'd planted by the front door were in full flower, covering up the chipping paint just like I'd planned." vs. "I slammed the door so hard the whole wall shook. Not that it took much effort to shake the walls of a shithole like this." Or, similarly, if it's a stranger approaching, still use the description to add to characterization... "There were some cheerful annuals flowering by the front door, but they weren't enough to draw my attention away from the chipping paint and sagging roof." vs. "I picked my way through the decrepit front yard, wondering if it was possible to catch tetanus just from proximity to filth."
What @BayView said. What does your POV character notice? Not a list of what's in front of them (or behind them) but what are they actually noticing in the scene just then? What's important to them at that moment? And how do they react to it? I have always tried to filter setting details through the eyes of my characters. Even then, I can get a bit over-enthusiastic, and need to cut my description down, during an edit. But hey. That's what edits are for.
Agreed. Give the essential details, then let the characters and plot include the rest. Leaving some details out isn't a bad thing either, if you include good details, readers can fill in blanks.
As @BayView mentioned already. Firstly, third person omniscient can wax rhapsodic because it's not tied to any person, but if you're in close third or first, then you have to be true to the POV. Second, detail doesn't always take you where you want to go. To quote Bayview's post: "I slammed the door so hard the whole wall shook. Not that it took much effort to shake the walls of a shithole like this." In two sentences I see a seedy apartment or house with interior paint faded by time and accumulated dust and grime. I see sparse furnishing, the kinds of things you can get at Salvation Army. Carpet I don't want to lay down on with my bare skin. A kitchen that's only poorly pretending to be white. All it took was one description (first sentence) and the subsequent emotional engagement of the character (second sentence) to give me all that. I don't need to the know that couch is from the bad side of the 80's. I don't need to be told that the one sad lamp in the room has a crooked lampshade in cigarette-smoke yellow. I saw all of it. And what's more, I know how the character feels about the place. I know that the shittyness of the apartment hasn't faded into the numbness of well, this is my life, may as well settle in.
I think this ties in with something we were discussing in the character description thread yesterday or the day before - it helps if the author can let go of the need to control all the details. Maybe the kitchen in my personal "vision" of the place had those fake wood cupboard doors and the walls were painted a weird aquamarine. Maybe there are no lamps at all in my version. But unless any of that actually matters for some book-related reason, it doesn't matter and doesn't need to be discussed. An author can go crazy trying to control every aspect of a reader's experience and it'll just lead to a claustrophobic read. Let us be free! Let us fill in our own details! Much more effective, and so much easier!
Maybe. Google says The Great Gatsby emulates this at times, and be that the case then Sophie's Choice certainly also dabbles in this but through the medium of Sophie telling a story within the confines of the greater story.
Agreed. And before the opposition party comes in, none of my opinion is to say that these things can't be mentioned. Mike fingered the cigarette-smoke yellow lampshade near his head. "Dude, how can you stand this place?" "Fuck you, Mike. You live in your mom's basement." It can always come up, no one thinks it can't come up, but... it needs to come up. It needs to be organic to what's happening. If you (to the OP) feel like you're shoehorning it in, you probably are. Here we have an olive green lamp with a dirty lamp shade, Kmart, circa 1974. Next to that on the peeling veneer of the brandless side table is a green Heisey glass ashtray from 1910, though neither Mike nor his potty-mouthed pal would know a decent antique from their respective buttholes. Moving along we have a turd-brown sofa that was once patterned in splashes of turquoise, pink, and grey (you know, the whole Miami Vice look), etc. etc. etc. No one wants to be derailed by the above excerpt from Shittier Homes & Gardens™.
I enjoy the use of personification (giving non-human things human-traits and actions) in terms of describing a scene. Example: "The trees growing out of the river combed the water's hair, giving it locks any girl would be jealous of." Again though, this has to be built on top of the question of "what does the MC noticed about the world?" Which Bayview and Wrey have gone into detail about. I wish you the best of luck. -OJB
Definitely look at pictures on Google and look up new words in a dictionary. I cannot emphasize enough how useful these two resources will be in the writing process.
Go wander into abandoned homes. Visit every person you remotely know. Looking at pictures is good, but for the sort of detail, the smells and sensations that put the reader there, personal experience is the very best. To be a writer, first live it, then tell it. Write what you know, not just what you have seen photos of.
look on some estate agents listings (realtors for the american viewer) and then pretend you're interested and go visit a few ....
Hi Izzybot, I like your sparse descriptions. They are not sparse in my opinion but just right and NOT boring. However, you approach this very differently that I remember school. They gave you a picture and you had to describe it. This is how I came up with the question if you other writers are looking at pictures for inspiration. That is some rental home that you are describing. And I like your descriptions a lot. I can see the dump right before my eyes. And you suck the details right out of thin air?
I think in general there's only a very, very loose relationship between the exercises students are given in school and "real" creative writing. A lot of teachers ask their students to use lots of adverbs, avoid "said" in favour of something more dynamic, etc. I'm not sure why it's this way, but it sure seems to be.
Yes, yes, characters and actions first. However, I often read some description of settings (not too long of course and not too flowery, although I heard that some people like reading flowery stuff) and I wonder: how did the author come up with that. I am pretty good at plotting but not as good at painting settings with words. Izzybot described a rental place, a dump very entertaining. We all have seen such places and I got the feeling again that I had seeing such places. I get your example about the desk. If the desk does not play a major role, absolutely, your few words will do. However, sometimes you have to go into more detail as you want to the reader to feel emotions at this place. So, how do you get inspired? The rental dump was just one example. It could be also a forest that your protagonist visits a couple of to clear his head. Immediately, trees pop in my head and the smell of mushrooms. But let's say, you feel you want to say a bit more about it. What do you do to add to this description? Do you make a brainstorm sheet of the forest? Something else?
Very sound advice! Actually, great advice, NiallRoach. Thank you. Let me however see if I got this straight: If I for example describe a forest, I don't mention trees but strange animal sounds that I can't define?
This depends on the state of mind of the POV character for me. For me, I compare the right amount of description to breathing pace, more relaxed scenes call for more description, whereas tense scenes are much more sparse.
You too described a dump very well, BayView. I get the POV hint. So, I repeat, you came up with these descriptions by putting yourself in the shoes of either the tenant or the visitor? And what they saw just came to you in a snap?
I personally like reading descriptions until I got the feel of a place. If it is too little, I don't feel having completely arrived - if this makes sense... You, Jannert, appear to come up with quite some descriptions if you have to cut them at the end. My question is: how do these description come to you? Do they just hit you? Do you have a method to make your description juices flow?
