Thanks @doggiedude . I actually took advantage of the medical section in my uni library and got a big book out on diseases and blood borne pathogens but I haven't gotten around to looking at it yet with all my other work I have to do - now I at least have a starting point! I want to know how the diseases work so I can pick and choose parts from different ones and create a brand new disease, of course my MC can just lie and say he's got something else.
All my answers are above! I don't know what work you are writing but if you want anyone to read for you, I'M HERE!!!...lol
Thanks @Indarican, your answers are really helpful! I like the point that you mentioned that he is kind of doing her a favour letting her stay as that was a big part in my head as to why she forgives him for something terrible later on in the story as up to then he's been a weird but otherwise nice guy.
I'd be aware that if I pulled out the knife and made things worse and he died. I'm the innocent victim with a knife in my hand or even just my prints on the damn thing. I'd check out the basement as soon as he even went for a shower. If there was anything dodgey down there, I'd call the cops and stay there until the landlord kicked me out.
23 is a legal adult, not a runaway who would be dragged back. I think she needs a reason why she didn't just ask for the phone to call the police or a woman's shelter.
As it is now shes been in a homeless shelter for a few nights but I read that for regulars they like to take personal details or they won't let them stay for extended periods. She didn't want to give them the details at risk of them finding out who she is, she also managed to physically assault the guy who attacked her so is worried in case he twists it back onto her if the police were involved. I know the police aren't going to take her back kicking and screaming to her abusive ex but in her head she's thinking the only way they wouldn't is if she reported him and she really doesn't want to have to do that. When she leaves it's sort of a spur of the moment thing.
Abused women's shelters are very specifically and stringently concerned with privacy. I missed "the only way they wouldn't..." Are you under the impression that there are circumstances under which the police would drag her back to her husband/boyfriend? No. Women are adults and citizens, not property of their partners.
Of course not, I know that, the reader knows that but the characters the one who's going through it it's her perception as wrong as it is she's completely alone and somewhat naive and doesn't know another way out. "In her head she's thinking the only way they wouldn't..."
As a reader, I would find it unconvincing that an adult doesn't realize that she's not the property of her significant other. I think that it would be better to come up with another reason.
Duly noted. I understand where you are coming from. All I can say is that at the moment I'm working on it - there's other stuff going on too though and I think if people had the full picture it may not seem as extreme. That being said I don't think she sees herself as his property, more the fact that she's a bit ignorant of the law and what would happen in a given situation, and the fact she doesn't want to go through a police investigation to convict her partner.
I think that as a reader, I would assume something weird is going on, but I wouldn't be able to predict exactly what right away. The conditions to stay at the friend's place aren't enough to reveal what's going on, although I think they would arouse enough suspicion to keep a reader interested. The "medical condition" though....that kind of screams "VAMPIRE!" and might be a little too obvious to bring up. At least right away. So here's what I think about the offer...I would believe that the homeless character would accept the offer of shelter despite the weird conditions, but that's just because that's what I would do...After all, the friend never said the person couldn't call the police if there were weird screams or something. Now I do think that whether or not someone would accept that offer also depends on someone's level of desperation. If the homeless character is not used to being homeless, like if they always had shelter but were suddenly evicted and had nowhere else to go, they might be inclined to panic and take what they could get, rather than collecting their wits and seeking shelter elsewhere like at a homeless shelter or under an overpass for the time being. And if it was between sleeping outside in harsh weather and sleeping in a place with an oddball? I know I'd choose the oddball, but depending on how desperate or stubborn/strong-willed your character is, they might make a different choice. The story in this case would be believable with a very clearly desperate character. I think inevitably, after a few days' rest and after their initial desperation starts to wane, any character would become curious and would sneak a peak at what was in that basement. In fact I feel like it's almost inevitable. I would find it hard to believe or at least a little hard to get through if the character didn't at least seriously consider acting on their inevitable curiosity. Basically I would buy anything initially to obtain shelter, but after I had been there for a while with time to think about what I had agreed to, I wouldn't believe it for a second. At least not the things that brought about condition 2. It just sounds suspicious to my average brain. I hope my opinion actually helps you a little bit. Sounds like it could be an interesting story! Good luck
I would be suspended in a loop of switching between being intimidated, skepticism and trust. I would stay rational through it all, and on my guard... I'm already used to locking my door at night. A good combination to make someone stay naive in a potential danger. It depends on how difficult it would be to find another place, and if I could bare the conditions of living there. If there was no alternative, I'd do my ultimate best to try not to displease my host.
Thanks @E.J. and @Boger, some really useful comments. I like what E.J said about her not being used to being out on the streets as that's exactly her position, she's very desperate and will take just about whatever is offered to her. I've decided to change a few aspects to make it less obvious what's going on, for instance my MC now just keeps the basement locked and doesn't mention it to the other character. The skin condition thing is a bit harder to conceal so I'm just going to have to put it in and hope that without reference to other vampirey stuff, at least initially it won't give the whole game away. I think the order the reveals come to the secondary character will affect the pace at which the reader get's what he is so I'm going to have to be careful which will come first. She will be curious about what's in the basement but once the MC says it's his medical supplies she will decide not to pry as it seems like a personal matter - someone mentioned that he could say if they get accidentally contaminated they could make him sick so that might be a good idea just to reinforce the reason he wants to keep people out. I might even have him give her a quick glimpse through the door and down the stairs just to show there's no slaughterhouse down there - can you fit a body in a mini fridge?
Well, it's fiction. Vampires can be anything you want it to be really, and there's no law against reinventing a strongly established mythical creature. Now, I thought sparkling vampires were kinda dumb too - but the whole "supposed to be"s and "wouldn't be"s, there's no such thing.
I have to say, not that I am implying anything, but this happens to be the basic thought process I had with one of the short stories that I have written a little while back. I have not posted it yet, as I am waiting to get into the workshop portion of this site to post it in the Horror section, which apparently since I just signed up for this site like a half an hour ago, I cannot do yet. Basically, I just took the story in a direction I, myself, would except a few differences that compliment my character's personality. If it were me in this situation. If you were writing me as a character for this, I would definitely have not believed any word this new friend has said and would have booked it at the first opportunity. But I, outside of the characters in my stories, am a boring person. So there would not be much of a story around it if it were me in this story. I would probably only last two pages and then have found somewhere else to live. A Homeless shelter, a family home, whatever. But I'd be too suspicious to live there. If you are looking for an answer as to what you think you're character would or should do, I suggest making a sub-background story just to get a sense of his or her personality. What they would most likely do in this situation. I had to do this with one of my novels as the novel was an entire back and forth process between several characters and sometimes I had trouble transitioning between one or the other.
You could give him a quirk. Perhaps he broke his fangs on armor plating during the Medieval period, and now he has to keep a supply of pointy straws, and turns his victims into Capris Suns. It would definitely add a comical charm to his creepy aspect. If only Vampires had to face some obstacles, making them more careful when out hunting. Oh if only that was a thing. A mass of Vampires jabbing people in the neck with pointy straws. The struggle is real. At least this guy would like the added problem, to the otherwise living. A guy can dream of such a concept so crazy it just might work.
Dear God!!! I think you've found the only vampire themed story I'd be willing to write. That's great!
Actually that may work in my story @Cave Troll given that my vamp keeps his teeth filed down. I definitely need to see a vampire capri sun crossover story - get it written someone! I'm looking at you @doggiedude
