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  1. CGB

    CGB Active Member

    May 15, 2014
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    How would you say this?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by CGB, Oct 6, 2016.

    Trying to SHOW a character hawking a giant loogie right into the face of a judge sitting some 40 feet away from him. Needless to say, it is a borderline supernatural feat. Wondering if you could make any suggestions to improve my description?
    Cannon cleared his throat in a loud rasp, arching himself backwards on the bench. In one fluid movement, he cocked himself forward, releasing a gob of white spittle. The loogie arced through the air, time seeming to slow before it landed with splat on the dead-center of Kane’s forehead.

    The old Ranger’s eyes widened in shock as a hand moved to brush the spittle. In an instant, his large jowled-face was transformed into a dangerous shade of bright purple. Veins the size of thick cords bulged from his neck as he jolted out of his seat. High Commandant Enderon, a stocky black Ranger lurched out of the adjacent seat to restrain him from jumping over the dais. “I’ll kill you!” Kane screamed, spittle flying from his mouth. “I’ll f***** kill you!”

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