I feel that as time progresses I am becoming less able to read and write. I was never a great writer nor a writer of many words but at least I was able to write some things. I was once able to write a five paragraph letter a few years ago that was poetic and was confirmed to be poetic by others. I did not get one single bad comment about that piece. Every once in a while I have managed to write something decent. But I have been having so many problems. It seems like the only time I can write anything coherent is when I am writing a forum post. It seems like whenever I have a problem and choose to express that problem to forum members I am able to write. One of the things that is really giving me a lot of trouble is the concept of the first draft. Every time I try to write a first draft of something I wind up writing like a child, and I feel like my natural voice should be more mature. This forum post has a voice that is better than when I try to write a ruff draft. I seem to go to one extreme or the other -- either struggle to get the wording right, or put no effort at all into thinking. Only when I write a forum post do I seem to express myself. But when I write a forum post I revise as I go, although it does not take a lot of effort. I don't know what is going on but my brain seems to be messed up when it comes to reading and writing. I have been trying to read short stories but I cannot find good ones that I genuinely want to read. I also seem to have trouble keeping information in my head as I read. I've got this idea that reading requires you to have the context of a certain number of paragraphs leading up to your current location in memory. If you are reading one sentence, you need to remember the propositions of the previous sentences to a certain point. But for some reason I cannot always do this. Sometimes I just read words without deriving meaning from them. I don't know if it is because I am distracted or what. But it is difficult for me because I cannot absorb information on how to write better. I have some serious problems that are keeping me from getting anywhere and I don't know if they are real problems or if they are all in my head.