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  1. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    I am the greatest

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by matwoolf, Oct 2, 2015.

    I am the greatest thruster of the hips since Apollo fired his arrow in some fuckin ole book. Also, a better writer than anybody ever born, even all of you shit writer types. Just I tire easily, personally. Would you like to know how good I am at most things everything? I am very good, though married so my tragedy is epic: I am only able to imaginate how I made, and am making love to absolutely everybody ever born [let us say over the age of twenty-one, alcohol, a most important lubricant in the USA market of books.] You, imagine it now, whiskies of the world smeared across your buttocks. How good am I? I mean, I could do it all GIVEN HALF A CHANCE. And those publishers? I have written many novels, or bits of novels. I need to cut/paste them all together, sticky, stick in the speech marks, and then little people are allowed to buy my book. But I don't yet possess the publishers e-mail addresses, not yet, or the literary agencies telephone numbers. They are waiting for me, they don't know it quite yet. I'll tell them when we make love. It is phzysicology. Anyway, to paraphrase I am the greatest writer, I can't miss this boat, let me on it, please Mummy.
     
  2. The Mad Regent

    The Mad Regent Contributing Member

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    No ... I'm Spartacus!
     
  3. 123456789

    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Put on some gloves and take your shirt off, or ,quite frankly, nobody's going to give a shit.
     
    Ben414, Lemex and matwoolf like this.
  4. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I expect dinner and a movie before the slathering of buttocks with lubricating whiskies. No take-away either. I want a nice sit-down. Probably not a curry, though. ;)
     
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  5. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    ALL BASTARDS. I am. xx
     
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  6. OurJud

    OurJud Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think you need psychiatric help.
     
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  7. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thank you @juds
     
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  8. Lemex

    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    ... I think I love you. :love:
     
  9. Dagolas

    Dagolas Banned

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    You're an jeenius.
     
  10. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thank yous, l love u boths
     
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  11. Augusto

    Augusto Active Member

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    Oh man, that's pretty delusional! lol
     
  12. BrianIff

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

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    James Patterson's got nothing on you. I applied to woolFU before tuition became exorbitantly high, now my confidence is earth-shattering. Eat that, Bow-Flex.
     
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  13. Augusto

    Augusto Active Member

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    Also you cannot be the greatest because I am...!
     
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  14. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    YOU ARE THE GREATEST x

    thank you for the journey [brother egc]
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2015
  15. matwoolf

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    I am so sorry Brian. Must carry wife up stairs, work at 7amm, oh my goshly.
     
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  16. Ben414

    Ben414 Contributing Member Contributor

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    A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar. Matwoolf asks them, "Why didn't you duck?"
     
  17. Augusto

    Augusto Active Member

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    There was a hunter with a gun and no bullets in it. He saw an elephant and the elephant saw him. The hunter then asked himself: "Why is this elephant not running away from me?" Then the hunter understood and felt stupid.
     
  18. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I AM THE HOPE OF THE LITERARY WORLD, THE BEACON IN THE DARK! I AM THE SALVATION FOR ALL READERS WHO CRY OUT FOR GOOD STORIES! I AM THE PURIFER FOR THOSE WHO THIRST FOR ORIGINAL CONTEXT! I AM ALPHA...AND OMEGA!! I AM THE HERO WHO TRAVELS THROUGH TIME AND SPACE! I'M THE WARRIOR, THE POET, THE LOVER!! I AM THE MAN, THE WOMAN, THE CHILD!! WHATEVER THAT MEANS, BUT I'M KEEPING IT!! I...AM...LINK!!! RAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!!!! <powers up to a Super Saiyan complete with dramatic Latin chorus playing in the background complete with lightning and swirling black clouds that cover the sun.>

    Sorry, sorry, I couldn't help myself there. :p Um, what were we talking about again?
     
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  19. Augusto

    Augusto Active Member

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    Look, I am sorry if you don't believe it but I am a super human genious. I am also a mesiah and I would like to show you all the truth and the way, the right way and the only way: my way.

    I am taking up to twelve disciples, so hurry up before it's too late.
     
  20. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I am Willius, God of all Whales. Bow before me and obey, puny flabby humans!!

    #SoGonnaGetBannedForThis...
     
  21. The Mad Regent

    The Mad Regent Contributing Member

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    No, seriously guys ... I am the best writer EVER!




    Of course, I've never actually finished anything ... but that's only a minor problem!
     
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  22. No-Name Slob

    No-Name Slob Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Guys, I'm a shit writer. I need your literilogical guidance , @matwoolf.

    :p
     
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  23. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Contributor

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    Yeah well, I'm the worstest.
     
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  24. OurJud

    OurJud Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have one question.

    What the FUCK are you all talking about?
     
    matwoolf and Link the Writer like this.
  25. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Who knows? Perhaps the Mad Hatter has claimed us as his puppets and we now dance to his tunes?
     

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