1. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    I got banned from this one writing site because I disliked their rude comments.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Loophole3232, Mar 17, 2019.

    Hi. I hope it’s okay that I discuss some of this here with some of you, I intend to not put down any other writing website but I feel comfortable discussing this here because I was very hurt by some of the comments they have said and wanted some of your opinions on here.


    This happened from this one writing website,

    I was discussing with them about me wanting to create a villain in my story by using some inspiration for his physical traits and personality traits based on a real life man that sexually and physically abused me for many many years growing up through my child and teen hood and was just a physical abuser to many others in general. I even told them I do not plan on making him an exact copy duplicate with the same name, same home, same real life background, same exact words, etc. And that I would just add some of what he was and combine it with some of my imagination to create this villain in my fictional story.

    I did appreciate that some of them were trying to help give me some of advice on whether it's a good or bad idea to use some inspiration from a person who's done some pretty bad and horrible things to me and others and use some of his physical attributes and personality for my villain character, which they told me was a bad idea. But I'm going to be honest. What really got to me was some of nasty and hurtful comments from them that were sort of degrading to me, saying things like..



    Saying that "you should run to the police instead".

    That "you probably don't know this man well enough to know if he did anything wrong for a FACT"

    That "you might be making a man look bad who you assume has done wrong". (being this was someone I knew most my child hood and young teen hood and could not do anything about it)

    That "you may think you know the person when in fact you may not really know them or what they really did or can't guess their true motivations". (sexual pedophilia and rape are a serious thing for someone to commit and then deny it happened in real life, which is enough for me to know the real person)

    "That we can never truly know there intents'.

    One comment such as "wow you know bad people which is shocking" "you know where the bodies are buried, etc".

    Even such comments as mentioning I should of sat down and talked with this narcissist pedophilia, physically abusive man after years later as if we were best of friends and even ask him if it's alright if I base some of my character off of him in my story.

    Or "if"he's really done these things to you".

    Or "people have been trying to answer your questions, but you seem to have difficulty listening".

    Or another comment saying "if you haven't experienced these things for yourself you have no right to write about it" When I clearly said over numerous times these things really happen to me.



    And now I went back onto the site and I’m completely banned from even doing anything. and that hurts more than them telling me I should not base anything on this person in real life because most writers fail when doing it they told me. The comments alone seemed very personal about my real life situation and some took it as a joke or made me think about whether or not I really know him well enough to not make it seem made up or I could be making a good person look worse than he is in real life was the most hurtful things they were saying.

    And they just ban me from the site. I don't want to criticize another writing site but I TBH I really don;t think I could ever recommend that site to anyone and I feel pretty disappointed they just banned me like that. Especially making comments that insult my past childhood of what really happened between me and this sexual abusing man they know nothing about. I think anyone in this situation if this happened to them would take it very personally.



    What do some of you feel about this? What should I do about it? I can't even get on the site or log off now and I can't even contact any administrator.



    Thank you,

    Btw I really enjoy this site and the level of maturity.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2019
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  2. XRD_author

    XRD_author Member Supporter

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    I think you may want to edit your post to remove the name of the website.
    I am under the impression you're not allowed to name them here.
     
  3. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    Okay I fixed it.
     
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  4. XRD_author

    XRD_author Member Supporter

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    I use some awful people (though not as bad as you describe) I used to know as the model for an entire city of a-holes in my WIP. Knowing those people was a learning experience for me, about the banality of evil and how the worst behaviors of high school cliques can carry on into people's retirement years.

    Don't worry about being banned from that site.
    It doesn't reflect badly on you, from what you've told me, and you don't need them.

    But remember what happened. Jot down some notes.
    What you are feeling now is powerful; remember it, because one of your characters may feel it too.
    And you can use those jerks at that other site as models for jerks in your fiction.

    Writer have this one special trait: everything that happens to them can be grist for the mill of their fiction.
     
  5. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    Thank you. I appreciate it. They were telling me I should never write a fictional character based off an A hole in real life and while I wasn't sure yet if I should agree or solely disagreed with them, they made some jokes about it and made it seem as if I could be possibly making this up or that I should sympathize with him for the things he's done and I could be accusing him for the wrong things. And telling me to call 911. It was just very hurtful things to say, especially if they've never been through what I have from this experience and telling ME that I if I didn't truly experience any of this for real it would be hurtful for someone that really did.

    Is there anything I can do like say something to one of their administrators?

    Also I'd like to use those jerks from that site as more models as bad fictional characters They could be the pedophile narcissist's "flying monkeys gang" of friends who support him :)
     
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  6. Reece

    Reece Member

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    You seem to talk about this a lot, and I think that the best person for you to talk to about it would be a therapist.

    You don't need to bother following up on this. You can't even get onto that site anymore. You don't need to chase them down. You are only making yourself feel worse. What you are discussing is something incredibly personal, and you cannot have any kind of expectations about people on a writing forum helping you through it.
     
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  7. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    I know I agree, I was just very hurt by their rude comments. It's okay if they disagree with me using some real life bastard jerk as inspiration for my fictional villain, it's the way they worded it and things they said like making jokes about it and making me out to be the bad guy making a good guy look bad. It just seemed very immature for writers to act like that.

    I can't even log off which is really annoying because I don't even wanna be seen on that site now period.
     
  8. XRD_author

    XRD_author Member Supporter

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    I doubt it would accomplish much.

    Being an a-hole isn't a crime. And if there are a lot of them there, if they dominate the culture (as it sounds like they do), then the administrators might be committing site-suicide by punishing them. You're a stranger to them. Odds are they're not going to potentially harm themselves to help you.

    In my long life, there's lots of people who had done bad things to me for which I've had no recourse. I won't bore you with the details-- besides, some are still painful to dredge up. "So many sins, and justice will never come," as a character says in my WIP.

    At some point I learned from each of them, got through them, and moved on.
    You'll do that too, regardless of whether that site ever addresses the bad behavior there.

    Regarding logging off, try clearing the cookies associated with the site.
    That's often how you are logged on.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2019
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  9. Reece

    Reece Member

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    It's understandable that you would be hurt. I am sorry that they caused you pain, though I think you are wrong to assume that writers are any more mature than the average human.

    You are likely not going to be able to exact the kind of justice that you are seeking. A moderator likely banned you. They would have been able to see all the posts, yours and those of the others. They still decided to ban you. Do you think that contacting them would make a difference after the fact? They will likely ignore you even if you are able to get in contact with someone. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to write them off . Do not give them any real estate in your brain. They don't deserve to be there. All you are doing is seething, making yourself more angry and upset. Only you can control your emotions. I suggest you do your best to move on and focus on happier things.
     
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  10. XRD_author

    XRD_author Member Supporter

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    @Reece, just a note, and not wanting to name the site, but I think it's a fandom sight with some writing subforums, not a dedicated writing site. I could be wrong.

    Whether fandom is any more mature than average ... is a question I leave to others.
     
  11. Fallow

    Fallow Member

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    I found the thread on the "other forum", and I honestly don't see how most of the posters were rude to you. One guy with the "go to the cops" post is just an idiot. That forum has been trying to be as insular as possible, so I'm not surprised they brushed you aside as someone who will never "fit in".


    Honestly, I think you are too close to this subject to take advice in a completely open manner. You are seeking professional writing advice but want to receive it with a level of sensitivity that runs counter to being fully open to opinions on matters professional. You also aren't being entirely clear about what you want to accomplish, which makes your requests for advice much more subjective than they need to be.

    I say this with all respect: Figure out what you'd like to get out of your situation and formulate some solid alternatives for how to handle it. When you have those, ask the question again in a more concrete way so you aren't debating minutia or changing your request mid-thread. This will limit your emotional burden trying to discuss this on top of the burden you clearly are already struggling with.
     
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  12. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    Yeah I guess I'd have to just deal with it. I'll try and see if i can clear some cookies if it helps. thank you though.

    Thank you. I just assumed most writers would have a good mentality to not insult or make jokes about something serious. It makes it harder for me to take some of them seriously or even absorb their advice properly. I know there is probably nothing I can do about it and surely no administrator would care over some rude comments, (not saying all of them were) and would probably rather side with members who've been on there for a while way anyway. I'll just have to move on from it. Thanks.

    I don't know enough about the site but you could be right.
     
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  13. XRD_author

    XRD_author Member Supporter

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    Unfortunately, if we were to assume everyone at this site is a writer, the hypothesis that writers aren't a-holes is provably wrong.

    It's unfortunate, but there's not much we can do but report their rude insensitive posts and hope the moderators find them just as unacceptable as we do. The moderators here are good people, in my experience.
     
  14. Reece

    Reece Member

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    Writers are people, and people are quite frequently assholes. It's also often difficult to interpret and express yourself adequately via text. I am not sure why clearing your cookies would make a difference You say you are happier here. Good! Forget about that other place and move forward.
     
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  15. XRD_author

    XRD_author Member Supporter

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    Many websites track who you are after you log in by placing a cookie in your browser.
    That's how your login can persist even when your computer gets powered off and back on.
    And it's why I can be logged in on Firefox and not logged in on Internet Explorer, on the same computer: they keep their cookies separate.
     
  16. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    I may have gotten hit by a soft spot by maybe one or two members on there that were really rude, which may have gotten to me more personally even if not all of it was intended by them. That one rude poster telling me to go to the police was without a doubt being a jerk about it. It is a very hurtful and very traumatizing experience that I have gone through. Surely I wasn't expecting any special sympathy on my personal bad experience but professional advice which I was given some good ones, but I think a few of the comments referring to hurting a possible good mans reputation by making him look bad because he may not be so bad as I think, or run to the police if it bothers me or have I witnessed any dead bodies he may of buried.

    And if you read the very last final comments from one member on there who said if I never had these experiences happen to myself, then I don't have the obligation to write anything influenced by it or resembling i since he thought I never been through those experiences myself when I have already explained many times on there this is based off of my own real life experiences.

    But I know I was not 100 clear in the beginning which may of made it difficult to send the right message. I should of said everything from the beginning even about who and exactly what I was basing this on instead of just saying, "I want to base my villain on some real life A hole or bad person" so that was my fault.

    Anyway thank you for the advice. I'll try to ask it in a much more easier way when I have it all together next time.
     
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  17. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    I am! I rather not go back there and I'm much happier here and would rather get feedback on my first drafts here instead. Though I feel what's done is done, it did end a little rudely I mean I'm surprised the one with the comments making jokes about going to the police or how surprised he is that I know some bad criminal people, wasn't banned himself for acting that way.

    I see now. Well I could always just ignore it and leave it since I rather not use that site again anyway and trying to talk to an advisor on there would probably be pointless. And not much would be done over a few two or three rude disrespectful members, which they probably won't do anything about.
     
  18. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

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    I agree with all of the aforementioned advice.

    In short: yes, you can base a character off of somebody you know. The vast majority of writers do this.

    Those assholes also managed a good suggestion. If it isn't too painful, think about what leads a person to do what they did to you. That's what they may have meant by "intentions". Intentions do *not* excuse or justify what they or the real-life man did, or what happened to you. Keep that in mind. It helps one to understand, which is totally different than saying whether something is right or wrong.

    Sorry about what happened to you. Hope you find this place to be better than the place you were banned from. I wish you the best in channeling your personal experience and emotions into your writing.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2019
  19. XRD_author

    XRD_author Member Supporter

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    You need to give two critiques in the Workshop for each piece you want critiques there.
    Once you can post, I'll look for your work.
    That said, I have three excerpts in the Workshop and I'm always looking for more feedback.
    Oh, are we allowed to tout for critiques ? ;)
     
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  20. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    I understand you are right. But I thought from hearing about that site that it is one of the most well known and have some of the best writers on there who've been writing for over 20 years or something. So it's a bit surprising that I would get a few insulting responses like that. like that one guy who repeatedly kept saying "go to the cops, go to the cops". Could I report that guys behavior to the moderators? Though they won't even let me back on.
     
  21. XRD_author

    XRD_author Member Supporter

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    Unfortunately, for all the good the #metoo movement has done, some of the excess committed in its name have spawned a little bit of a backlash, and you may have been an innocent victim of that backlash.

    I might have something similar happen with my WIP: My MC is genetically engineered and the first of her kind. In book 3, some people come to fear her and hate her as the potential mother of a race that will supplant human beings, and the series antagonist uses that fear and hatred to gain power. Of course, excesses occur, and backlash will potentially occur ... Book 4 is tentatively titled "The One Day War," and it resolves that particular conflict.

    The five books in the series are tentatively titled:
    1. XRD: Daughter
    2. XRD: Woman
    3. XRD: Mother
    4. XRD: The One Day War
    5. XRD: Savior
     
  22. Loophole3232

    Loophole3232 Member

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    I can do that!

    By recalling why he had done these things to me and later on to others would probably help me develop the character even more and fit better into my story because I can look back and figure why he did these things, which I have an idea of why. I think it was some of the sarcasm in a few of there posts is what got me and hard to follow what they meant by "intentions"

    Thank you I really appreciate your response and I feel I will like it here better instead :)

    Works for me :) but it may take some time until I get some of this writing out of my system and have a good draft to finally start with and see what others opinions are if any of it seems to powerful and emotional for readers to read about.
     
  23. Harmonices

    Harmonices Member

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    Sounds like you got hurt, in a place that's already badly hurt. I think one of the best answers here came from @XRD_author - use the experience, journal it, put it on paper. This will also help to stop you chewing it over in your head.

    There are some books out there, on using personal experience to write. That may be a starting place for you. Something safe to provide structure and guidance. I've yet to dip into any, but this one has decent reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Rewrite-Your-Life-Discover-Through/dp/157324693X/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

    Someone else above also said something important, be careful what you share and with whom. You really don't know who's on the other end of any keyboard, anyone could say anything. And they have no idea of you, your life, how you feel, and some of them really won't care. There's not much you can do about that, except be cautious.

    Good luck :)
     
  24. paperbackwriter

    paperbackwriter Senior Member

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    This is sensible and respectfully framed advice for anyone.
    Bad behaviour is very common on the Internet. And since Twitter started the behaviour is getting worse. People dont see others necessarily as human individuals in need of respectful attention. More as a means of either venting their stress or scoring points . It can be like survival of the fittest unfort.
     
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  25. Harmonices

    Harmonices Member

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    If you are including potentially disturbing content, you just need to put a 'Trigger Warning' in the title of your post as most others here already do ('gore', 'violence' etc.). Readers can then decide for themselves whether they want to be exposed to your content. You can also put text inside spoilers, if it's super graphic, so people can still scroll through the thread and contribute without reading specific sections you might deem particularly problematic.

    I'd also include a thorough explanation of what kind of feedback you're seeking, and how sensitive you'd like critiques to be. Most respondents here are pretty respectful and objective, but there is the occasional spat. Watch the forum, and assess the regulars before you post. If you feel that someone isn't the sort of poster you would like to engage with, you can easily put them on an ignore list. I honestly haven't needed to do that yet, but it's a good feature to have if you need or want to make use of it.
     
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