That's probably the case in what happened sadly which is very unfortunate thankfully I know to never be apart of that site or even recommend it to others to use. I think your WIP sounds great! I think maybe only those who take religion that connects to origin of human life might give some backlash about it. Other than that, it might surprise me of most people in general making a big deal about it but I forget that the world we live in today. I mean I already had some backlash and sarcasm from people on "that website" about just using some ideas from a real mad man to base on my villainous character. It was very hurtful not just when I explained what I was basing it on from what my own personal experience was like when they at first though I was basing it on a guy that I don't really know much about, but some of the sarcastic comments by some users on there and seems quite dishonoring that none of the mods did anything about that but allowed me to be banned with ease. Thank you! I'll be checking this out, looks very helpful. That's exactly a great point, which is why I ended up in this situation maybe as long as i KNOW i'm speaking with someone I can trust and share my work with I should be okay?
It's true and unfortunate. And though it shouldn't surprise me to see this go on a writing forum/website, it's pretty damn sad to think it happens more often than I thought it would. Letting their own stress out on others as a way to compensate for themselves even joking about another ones past trauma experience. Here's one thing that might help though. If I shared maybe one pic example of how I would describe the features of this real life narcissist person into my story and in case he or his follower flying monkey friend/s try to accuse me of defaming him, I could say that not only is it coincidental but he is more based off another famous person in real life, For example I already had mentioned that there were two abusers involved in this case in real life, one of them happens to resemble some physical features of that politician banker Neel something or that famous wrestler Dave Batswana? since he kinda does share some physical resemblances to them. I could say he was based on those guys features maybe in case Mr pervert MiniDink tries to accuse me of making it based off of him? And another one who kinda slightly looks like Patrick Bateman lol no joke really ONLY from a few scenes he kinda does resemble a bit of Christian Bale's Patrick Bateman character in a few scenes for real!Except they have different hair color. I could say he was based on parts of Patrick Bateman's physical characteristics and character and not Mr Winkysinky?
I'd make sure I include any sort of content as a warning to let others know what will be involved so I don;t have a problem doing that!
As someone who's moderated a lot of sites I have difficulty believing you got banned because you disliked their rude comments - I'd suspect its more a case of either getting banned because of what you said in response to 'their rude comments' , or because of what Wrey calls the clean hands rule, ie if a pissing contest kicks off mods don't have time to determine who is innocent and who started it, who said what to who etc etc… it's far more likely that everyone within the blast radius is going to catch some frag, or possibly because the mods got tired of hearing about it... if there were more than one thread and every thread ended in a fight its understandable that they might get tired of seeing it happen yet again. Regardless of the rights and wrongs you need to accept that it happened and forget about it (the being banned I mean) On point of the should you base a character on your real life abuser, I generally subscribe to a the one in three rule for basing on any real person, ie you can use their name, their physical characteristics, or their behaviour/character. Using more than one in three opens up the likelihood of complaints and potential lawsuits. In this case if you want to use the abuse and theircharacter in carrying it out, you should make sure that the characters have different names and look nothing like your abusers
I will say that I tried to keep the topic going trying to prove my point of view which probably annoyed them. I probably would of not continued to keep the conversation going with them had they not hit a soft spot, I mean it's kinda rude to joke about someone's personal past experience that's been through physical, sexual abuse, or rape, verbal abuse, etc through a young age like with comments such as.. The cop comments, "you know this guy well enough to accuse him" comments, "I'd never accuse my ex husband" comments, to "we must of hit a soft spot and you're emotions are getting to you" comments. I will, regardless how disrespected I felt it's time I do I would keep the physical characteristics similar, maybe altered a bit, with different voice, accent, different locations, different name, different clothing style, alter the abuse so it's not the same exact setting as it was in real life but that same dominance and demeanor with a completely different story than real life but still abusive. Can that work? EDIT: Oh and this man was a real comic villain, I mean really, he'd scream, curse, threaten and laugh like a true sadistic maniac A-hole dictator with a cape and a sexual addiction. I'd alter that a bit so he has that more cool collected bad guy persona up from at first to hide that maniac side in the public eye so he can be more manipulative.
Probably. Focus on making the fictional character and incidents fit the story. Let real life inform your fiction, don't let it dictate it.
First off, so sorry to hear of the horrible experiences you had. Hoping you're sorting your way through it all and healing. It seems to me that most of the comments were from people who struggle to face the traumatic experiences you had. Various responses expressing an unwillingness to face it, some downplayed it, some thinking you've over-exaggerated it, don't know what you're talking about or misinterpreting what happened. Some so freaked out by the facts that they don't want you to mention it in public, even though the character in your book will never reveal the name of the perpetator, etc. It seems to me these folks are responding from fear and inadequacy to face reality, unable to face the reality of a traumatic experience, but have also attempted to hide their insecurities and weaknesses by making it seem like you're the one with the problem for wanting to use your real experiences in a fictional book. "In order to write about life, first you must live it!." - Ernest Hemingway What to do about the banning and what they've said about you and your experiences. I suggest you simply avoid contact with these folks. They seem like folks who aren't able to discuss matters you're okay with discussing publicly. You'd be flogging a dead horse trying to change their current attitude. Best to just let them think whatever they need to. Their opinions shouldn't interfere in how you live your life. If someone can't be onthe same page as you, simply leave them be and go find others who are. Your ban signifies to me how much they struggle with such issues. They cope by removing you 'cus they can't handle such a painful discussion. It's possibly a waste of time trying to get folks to change their attitude if it's so heavily influenced by fear and low capacity. What they've done and said is a reflection of their attitude and capabilities, not yours. If folks choose to remain is a safe bubble, let them, go find others who are open and able to face the harsh elements of life. What helps other sufferers of similar experiences are those courageous enough to share their stories. It seems the folks at that forum prefer to deny such things happen to folks.
I want to say so sorry for the late reply. And thank you so much, yeah I'm still dealing with this and i have to overcome what had happened to me but I am trying the best I can. These comments from those people on that site seemed like they really were trying to avoid helping me since they probably couldn't bare to deal with what my situation was and what had happened. Seems a lot of them had never been through a similar experience like me. And I was not asking for any sympathy from them. But they could've been a little more mature and understanding by not making disrespectful comments such as "call the police dude" or"you sure he did this to you?" or "I hate my husband but I'd never make a bad guy like him in my novel" things like that what really set me apart from realizing I would never go back to that site even if they were willing to listen this time to what my story is about and not just think I'm out to hurt someone who they have no idea who this sick man is in real life and what he had done. But they came off as if I was going to ruin some pedophile narc's reputation, but to each there own. Like you said, maybe it was a reflection of their own issues and things they didn't want to face or it reminded them of how cruel they may have been to others? Either way, that site was not in my best interest and I'm much happier here. The thing is it will take me some time to write my story out as I have to keep rewriting it so i can get it out of my system so it's not reflecting too much of my real life experience and then I can get more creative with it. Thank you so much for your support and truly understanding me in this situation.
Because saying that you would never create your bad guy to be exactly like your husband because you hated him is not a fair comparison to me creating a bad guy that just has some slight "influences" based on a man that I know who was a rapist and pedophile to me and to others.
A more reasonable guideline is not to base a character on a recognizable A-hole. That opens you up to defamation lawsuits, which you really want to avoid. Better to make all your characters composites of several people rather than clones of individuals. Even if your characterization seems flattering (to you) rather than disparaging, you have to worry about their reactions to a thinly disguised acquaintance.
You really really need to let go of what some people on another forum said. People are entitled to think whatever they wish - including not believing your version of events or being unsympathetic to it. You can't make people agree with you or like you, but you can control how you react to them
I am really sorry you had a bad response on the other site. However, I think you need to move on. There is no point going over and over how terrible they were, etc. They were terrible, but you're no longer there, so it doesn't matter. You're not hurting them by worrying about this so much; you're hurting yourself and holding yourself back. You need a fresh start, not more of the same. Yes, of course you can write about a real character in your life (disguised unless you want major legal trouble), or at least use your experiences to create a similar character. However, if you want this to be a cathartic experience for you, what you need to do is not re-hash the situation via a story—but change it. You can take revenge. What is it you wish you had been able to do at the time? What is it you would like to do now? What would be a fitting thing to happen to this person? Give your good (self-like) character power that you didn't have, or luck you didn't have, or assistance you didn't get. Turn it around. If you can take a bad 'real life' experience and make it go 'right' in your fictional story, it will make you feel a LOT better. It's not cathartic to just go over and over the same ground, resolving nothing. It's cathartic if you can write yourself (by proxy) OUT of the bad situation. And punish the guy!
Whether they are identical situations or not, it isn't demeaning to YOU that someone opined that they don't agree with your writing choice. Especially when your writing choices are what you are asking about. You are really too close to this, because you are getting angry about writing advice when that is what you are asking for. So my advice is for you to either figure this out on your own, or accept writing advice impersonally. "Go to the police" isn't writing advice, but "I wouldn't write X" is.
I would change his character a bit, like not make him the real replica of what he acted like in real life, he would be completely fictional fantasy villain, even hair change, and even his body size and type, just a similar facial features which would be so hard for anyone that knows him or himself to pin out, different name, religion, home, accent, so that should be enough right? And if he ever tried to say anything then I could say by coincidence or use the penis plot device that he has a small one in the story and that he used it on little kids and girls, I don;t think he would be willing to step up in court and have the judge question him about that if he's so concerned with possibly revealing some of his secrets like that. I don;t think he'd be willing to humiliate himself if these things are found out about him to be true. so if I'm at risk for a lawsuit, he's risking himself confessing he's a pedophile offender correct? I understand, just wanted some opinions that was all. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, though I think making jokes about someone who's been sexually abused or raped saying "run to da police if it bothers you!" should cost them a ban but that's just the way the world works today sadly.
There is nothing wrong with others disagreeing. I think the way some of them worded it was what bothered me. 'Do I have proof he was this man?" "did you find the bodies he's hidden ?" "run to da police kid!" are the comments that I found offensive and unhelpful so maybe the husband comment was not really a good example to bring up and I guess she was just trying to show how even someone she knew that she didn't like she'd never put that person or commonality of that person in her story, so I apologize for getting upset over that comment. And I'm sorry if her husband was really mean to her.
I thank you, and I will move on as I care less about that site now, though others may differ and say it's a great site, but it doesn't matter to me anymore, what's done is done. And you're right I', no longer there. My fresh start will be here That's what I plan on doing, I want to create the MC to have what I didn't have the ability to do in this situation, what his next move would be, how this tyrant would meet his demise where in real life he didn't. And show how the MC overcomes the bad guy and the bad guy loses this time I should also make the MC a very likable character, I probably would avoid making the antagonist a likable character, which some have told me to do since villains always have to have some sympathy for. But there are villains or bad guys that don't always have to be right?
Antagonists don't have to be likeable. The don't even have to be sane. But it's good to have them fully fleshed out, with their own goals, so that "opposing/tormenting the protagonist" isn't the entire reason for their existence -- or if that is the entire reason for their existance, there's a backstory (disclosed or not) to explain it.
Problem is that the internet is full of people making shit up for attention - I'm not saying you were, but unless its a forum to discuss sexual abuse people could take it that way - we once had a member who's life was like a soap opera (except that most of it was patently untrue).
well no because a good writer is believable - claiming that you've had every misfortune under the sun befall you like a really unlucky version of walter mitty doesn't make you a good writer... and it's deeply trying for everyone exposed to it. I'm not saying that the OP did that - but we don't know what else that forum had experienced before he posted.
Oh, no, you don't need to make such an appalling (villain, antagonist) character likeable. But, as others have pointed out here, it is possible to make him understandable. In other words, figure out what it is that makes him behave the way he does. If you can come up with that sort of understanding—it doesn't mean forgiveness, just understanding—you will have created a way to give your antagonist depth. Understanding also might give your protagonist some leverage, and a weapon to use against this monster. If you can get at what drives this bad person to do bad things, you've made him vulnerable. What gets HIM upset? What aspects of his past or his upbringing or his genetics makes him behave the way he does? Figure that out, and you're on your way to creating an unforgettable character. And well on your way to dealing with your own issues from your traumatic past, in a healing manner. It's also important to remember that simply because something happened to you in real life doesn't mean it will directly translate into a story, unless you work it skillfully. If a reader reacts with disbelief to something that actually happened—some personal experience you've written into your story—it doesn't mean the reader is wrong. It just means that you need to rework the writing so the event IS believable in its story form. That's a big lesson to learn. As you get to know our forum, I'd advise you to pay no attention to anyone who might hurt your feelings (either deliberately, or by accident.) Wherever you are, there will always be 'one' ...or more. These folks might be outright trolls who enjoy stirring up trouble (report them and then forget them—no matter what happens to them after that.) Or they might be people who scent weakness, and instinctively go on the attack—sometimes in groups. Or they might be people who mean well, but speak more plainly than tactfully. (These folk might be correct in their point of view, by the way. Or not. The power is yours, whether to take on board what anyone says or not.) There also may be be people who simply don't understand or relate to your point of view (yet.) Don't get sidetracked by arguments that go nowhere. Instead, focus on the people who are on the same page as yourself, and build friendships around a core of people who can support your efforts to write a good story. (They may not always agree with you, but they should remain constructive.) Ignore the others. There will be a few. There always are, no matter where you go. It's important not to let anybody derail your train. Count to ten and walk away is a sensible strategy on any forum. It keeps you sane. And a slightly belated welcome to the forum, by the way!
