1. Published on Amazon? If you have a book, e-book, or audiobook available on Amazon.com, we'll promote it on WritingForums.org for free. Simply add your book to our Member Publications section. Add your book here or read the full announcement.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Dismiss Notice
Tags:
  1. emma-fred

    emma-fred New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0

    I have no idea how to phrase this! :(

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by emma-fred, Feb 16, 2016.

    Hi there! My sentence so far is as follows:

    "Anticipation washes over him in waves, _____ with peaks of excitement."

    What I want to say is that he is experiencing anticipation in oscillations: ups and downs. And that during the times where the anticipation is troughing, his excitement peaks. So kind of like two constant waves, where when one is up, the other is down.

    I have no idea what to put in those blanks to describe this! I'm sure there's an expression out there, but it's just not coming to me. I was thinking perhaps a phrase structurally similar to "in conjunction," but obviously not with that meaning.

    Any help would be greatly appreciated! I'm getting desperate. T.T
    Thanks in advance.
     
  2. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    10,444
    Likes Received:
    7,080
    My first thought was "interspersed", but the suggests that anticipation and excitement are different things, and they don't seem quite different enough. But maybe it works.
     
    Oscar Leigh likes this.
  3. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2016
    Messages:
    5,534
    Likes Received:
    2,336
    Location:
    Inner West Sydney, Australia
    Interspersed seems good to me. But I think you're right, it's fiddly. Maybe spliced? Mixed? Intertwined? Matched? Paralleled?
     
  4. izzybot

    izzybot Human Disaster Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2015
    Messages:
    1,164
    Likes Received:
    1,342
    Location:
    SC, USA
    Contrasted by?
     
    Oscar Leigh likes this.
  5. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2014
    Messages:
    2,982
    Likes Received:
    1,679
    "Anticipation washes over him in waves, crested with peaks of excitement."
     
  6. Jeni

    Jeni Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2016
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    43
    maybe:

    Oscillating waves of anticipation and excitement wash over him.
     
    Oscar Leigh likes this.
  7. BayView

    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2014
    Messages:
    7,367
    Likes Received:
    7,062
    I'm having trouble understanding the distinction between anticipation and excitement... anticipation seems like a subcategory of excitement, to me. But if the emotions were different, maybe:

    But maybe: Excitement washes over him in waves, peaks of anticipation battling with surges of fear.
     
  8. Steerpike

    Steerpike Felis amatus Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2010
    Messages:
    11,494
    Likes Received:
    5,666
    Location:
    California, US
    Yeah, this was going to be my suggestion too, assuming we want to keep the form of the sentence exactly as it is in the OP. Fits with the "wave" imagery, although it is actually redundant since the crest of the wave would be the peak, if I'm not mistaken.
     
  9. DueNorth

    DueNorth Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Minnesota
    "capped" -- stays with the metaphor of waves as does "crested," but slightly different meaning and different flow to sentence: Anticipation washes over him in waves, capped with peaks of excitement." Or a variant: crested with caps of excitement."

    Aren't words fun? Now if you put this much thought into every sentence your novel will remain unfinished (like most). :)
     
    Steerpike likes this.
  10. Steerpike

    Steerpike Felis amatus Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2010
    Messages:
    11,494
    Likes Received:
    5,666
    Location:
    California, US
    Yeah, I like that. "Capped with peaks" of excited or even "capped with crests of excitement" would work for me.
     
  11. DueNorth

    DueNorth Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Minnesota
    BTW, excitement is experienced "in the moment." Think sexual excitement. Anticipation is looking forward to or expecting to be excited (or amused , reprimanded, entertained, etc--not always a prelude to excitement) as in anticipating the exciting sexual encounter following the expensive dinner. Someone might anticipate something with many other emotions than excitement.
     
  12. BayView

    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2014
    Messages:
    7,367
    Likes Received:
    7,062
    Sure, you can, like, anticipate stable revenue in the third quarter. But in this context, with the anticipation washing over him in waves... does that meaning make sense? If excitement is only experienced in the moment, does that mean that something exciting is currently happening to this character? In which case I'm not sure why he'd be finding himself distracted by anticipation of something non-exciting happening later...
     
  13. DueNorth

    DueNorth Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Minnesota
    We may feel an excitement of the anticipation we are feeling. "The children excitedly anticipated going to the amusement park." I am not wanting to Bree argumentative on the point, only reacting to your suggesting that anticipation is a "subcategory" of excitement. we may anticipate things that excite us, but also that bore us, disgust us, etc. To your larger point about mixing the two emotions in this sentence in this manner--I wouldn't, but then it's not my work--so I do understand your confusion about the OP's original query. Hope no offense taken.
     
  14. BayView

    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2014
    Messages:
    7,367
    Likes Received:
    7,062
    Offence? Of course not! Just trying to clarify ideas.
     
    DueNorth likes this.

Share This Page