I Need Help With Describing Scenes

I just realized that I have a huge problem with my writing. I've just brought my characters to the very first area that they'll go to again and again. It's the place they go back to after every mission they go on, their hub, if you will. As I'm about to write this, something clicked in my head.

I'll come out and say it, I'm pretty sure I suck at describing scenes. I mean, I know what the places look like, but I'm complete garbage at conveying that when I write. It's probably a side-effect of consuming more visual media, rather then purely written form.

Whatever. More to the point, are there any steps I can take that would sort of train me to be better at this?

Maybe I should leave this for later, until I've at least finished the plot? (I'm thinking something like, I write it as if the reader'll know what the layout is. Then, after I've finished writing the story, I come back to the points I need to to fully describe the area?)

EDIT: I forgot to mention that this 'hub' is basically this ship made from technology that none of them have seen before (Except for one, but she's never seen that much in one area/working).

 

Well describing scenes is always a thought job. Some people like a lot of detail and some not so much, I will suggest being balanced. For starters describe what your characters are seeing, materials, colours, and texture. Example: Dark wooden chair. Here I invoke all these three aspects, true it isn't specifying which colour but sometimes isn't necessary unless you are a detail maniac. Next, I suggest smell and here depends where they are. If it is in a pub or disco, tobacco comes to my mind if in your story it is allowed to smoke inside. Next is sound. Again can be any sound. If they are on a gym, it will be playing techno or alternative electronic music, for example. And finally to add with all this, how do your characters fell on the places? Because let's be honest, a hospital doesn't have their walls painted red ; and this colour invokes a lot of emotions on a person. I hope this helps

 

Ah, dammit. I should've mentioned that the whole place is basically a giant ship made from technology none of them have seen before (Minus one, but she's never seen that much of it in one place/actually working). I'll edit the original post.

But, yeah, the characters will have strong reactions to it that would warrant a description.

 

I think it would be nice to try to pin down so you have a good idea in your own mind what you're looking at, what you want the readers to look at also.

There is good news and bad news. The bad news is that you will need to describe that setting if this is an important location in the book and it sounds like quite a remarkable one too. The good news is you'll only have to do it once. Once addressed, you don't need to keep returning to describing it every single scene there is - once that setting is established, you can assume the reader remembers, and you can just focus on everything else going on (maybe the odd visual cue now and then).

 

Describe what the POV characters see/experience at that given moment. In other words, if they are in the middle of combat, they aren't necessarily going to notice wallpaper patterns, or count the number of chairs in a room, etc. If they are waking up from a coma in a strange room, what is it that matters to them right away? If they are flying in to land on a strange planet, what are their immediate concerns? Do they worry that they can't see through the pink mist that encircles the planet? Do they wonder if that straight yellow line that glows in the dark is a landing strip? If they open a door to be confronted by an alien, what is their first impression of this alien? If they see a person whom they find attractive, what is that person's most important attractive quality? If they come over the hill to behold the old farm where they grew up (but haven't been back to in many years) what is the most important thing they notice? And how does that make them feel?

What is important (what stands out) for your POV character at the time the scene takes place? Description is usually best when it follows the old adage: less is more. You can get in 'more' if you concentrate on what the character's feelings and thoughts are about what they are seeing. But try to avoid a laundry list. Not only are these usually boring to read, but the individual characteristics don't stick. Give us fewer things to remember, but make them stick. They'll stick, if the character has a strong response to them.

Try to be concise with your description, but pick out the detail or details that really matter.

 

I like to put myself in the head of the character. What do they see and find interesting? Don’t go overboard on the nitty gritty details, aside from the very basics to prime the reader’s imagination. Tell them what your characters notice, find surprising, and care about. If they see an alien space ship, describe that well, because they probably haven’t seen one before. If they see a boring office building, call it a boring office building. Everyone knows what those look like, including your readers.

Readers use their own imagination to fill in a scene. You just have to prime it, so that they start seeing the type of stuff that you’re seeing when you write it. Usually your words can’t get more vivid than the picture that the reader sees in their own head.

 

Description isn't just a blow by blow list of visual characteristics of the place, and you can convey a good sense of the place without getting descriptive per se. The mistake most people make with description is the writer wants the reader to see exactly what the writer sees in her head. What you should do with description is convey a sense of the place, enough that the reader can fill in the details himself and visualise the place. It's good to be able to pinpoint which objects really sets the tone/atmosphere of the place.

For example, if I mentioned the pink potty in the corner and fat bunny toy strewn on the floor, you'd think of a messy place where there's a kid. Probably the child is a girl.

Same place, but this time I talk about the gleaming Christmas lights on the windows and the scissors and ribbons on the dining table, origami snowflakes half-done and beading waiting to be glued on, you'd think winter, festivities, probably someone who enjoys a bit of crafts in the house. Maybe a woman's house.

Same place, but how about the twin monitors on the work desk and the Android box nestled beneath the TV and the surround sound speakers. There's a white couch and white chairs on gleaming silver legs. There're four laptops, three of which belong to the man of the house. What would you think? A family home, a place with children, a romantic couple? You might get a sense that the place probably belongs to a couple (since only three out of four laptops belong to the man), but overall you might be picturing an entirely different image to the other two paragraphs above.

I exaggerated a little for the sake of description, but all three of these paragraphs describe my flat! But you get a very different image each time. You just omit certain details and emphasise others. For example, the twin monitors and the Android box and speakers (plus a raspberry Pi) are all true - but there're only 3 laptops, one for my husband, one for myself, and one for my daughter. I changed up this bit to make it sound like whoever the guy is is really into tech lol. (husband's an IT guy - there have been times when we've had four laptops on his desk)

With description, to some extent you're playing with cliches and stereotypes. What would this object make people think or feel? Now what if it's placed here instead of there? Think a woman's bra. What does it mean when the bra is hanging on the back of a chair in her own bedroom? Now what does it mean if it's on the back of a chair in a man's bedroom? You see how it's different. Now what if the bra was a plain white thing in a bedroom with a double bed? And if the bra was made of red lace, would it make a difference? Yes. Oh yes it would. Or what if there's no sign of any woman in the room, but there're used tissues in the bin and a laptop on the bed. Maybe the guy was watching porn. Take the used tissues away and leave just the laptop and now you have a regular evening of a man enjoying Netflix rather than porn. Of course in your book there will be more context to give the reader more guidance than this, but you see how particular objects and location matter.

My goal with any description is usually feeling - you want your reader to feel the place. Your description will never be as vivid as the one the reader imagines in his head. Your words are there to guide their imagination, not to dictate. It doesn't matter if they imagine three chairs rather than two. It doesn't matter if they think the couch is an L-shaped couch rather than a U-shaped couch. Doesn't matter. What matters is what they believe of the place: is it a comfortable place, is it a place full of foreboding, is it a place of tension, is it a place of rest? And your reader will fill in the details that make it right for them.

Anyway, having said all this, it's hard to help without actually seeing your work. I advise you to just post a piece in the Workshop and ask people to pay particular attention to your descriptions.

 

@LastMindToSanity
Just my thing...but I tend to describe things in broad but very detailed strokes. I know that sounds paradoxical but here's what I mean. Give a distinct sense of the feel, the presence of the area, the people, that can even go into the description of a character. And like at the same time give a sense of the scale or the distinct meaning of the situation. Take a paragraph or two, make it clear what they're going into, if it's a happy moment or a feeling of dread, give an idea of scale and impressiveness or lack of it if the case may be. You can also take the characters' descriptions into account doing this, if they're being introduced, like maybe meeting this character is scaring the shit out of these guys or something--or maybe they're really hot and the person meeting them is like "dude...wow..."

That's just me, and I know it's kinda scatterbrained sounding, but I think it would work. I could honestly give an example if you want.

 

Start with setting. My college professor gave me the tip of utilizing three of the five main senses. While people perceive things in many different ways, it's primarily through sense of sight, touch, smell, taste, and sound.

Also, consider the things that your character would see. I borrowed from Angelina Jolie when she was making her film, First they Killed My Father. This was the story of the Cambodian Genocide told through the eyes of a child. And she mentioned that she would bring her son to the set. And part of the reason for that is because of the camera work. Children see different things than an adult would. So in that movie, very often the camera angles are rather low. This wouldn't typically be considered a proper camera set up, but let's be real: you're a kid whose barely three feet tall, your POV is going to be practically nothing above three feet.

So that's something to consider. What would your character really see realistically speaking and how would they interpret what they're seeing? So my character is a princess. So what she notices very quickly is how people are dressed. She interprets people's personality based on it. It's not that she's shallow, but being brought up in a political family, she has to know at a glance what people's vices are. So someone, for example, who is pretending they are rich, might have a desire for prestige and power.

 

The Captain stepped aboard, and noticed that the
bio-luminescent purple walls retracted from his
inquisitive fingers. He smelt something awful
in the air as well, that he likened to pine and
cat piss.
"Don't take it personally sir," Dr. Jenna Sierra said
as she padded toward him and his crew. Her flat soled
shoes made wet sloppy slapping sounds on the floor
beneath them.
"It...I mean the uh ship, reacted to your presence in
a similar fashion," he asked while a grunt spilled chow
behind him.
"Well no, not exactly," her expression of disgust at the
young soldier spewing chunks, only adding to the foul
smelling air.
"What do you mean by that doc?"
"Perhaps it is because I was brought here, versus you
not being invited," She tossed a glance over her spectacles
at him," or perhaps it feels threatened by all of your weapons."
"If you are saying what I think you are, better let it know that
we ain't given up our guns, doc."
The air grew drier and hotter, and the walls began to dim
to near total darkness around the Captain and his men.
"I thing it understands your position, and does not agree with
your sentiment, sir."
"Well if your not in any immediate danger from this...this
floating, glowing, booger thing. Would you care to tell me about
what you have found out about it so far," he inquires as a thick
blue creamy substance oozes down a wall near his shoulder. He
grimaces as it lands on him like an overly friendly loogie.
"To be honest sir," She starts trying to hide a snigger, as the ship
'touches' him," It is a sort of cybornetic symbioses, that appears
to exhibit emotional awareness, threats, things that make it feel
fear or pleasure-"
"You telling me this booger ship can feel things like that," He cut her
off.
"Yes Captain. For the first few days, I struggled to ascertain this
myself, but now, oddly enough this ship and I have bonded, and understand
each other. Well as best as I can being a human, and it an alien bio-ship."
"Is it dangerous, or a threat to us?"
"No," she laughs at him," that is rediculous on the face of it. Put down your
gun, and ease yourself into a wall. Trust me, it will be beyond your wildest
imaginations."
"Alright doc, I will test this theory of yours, but if anything happens to me,
my boys will light this booger up like Christmas."
"You have to have a little faith Captain," Dr. Sierra says huskily moving
closer toward him, and pushing gently on the rifle in his firm grip," It won't
hurt you, if you don't hurt it. Trust me, it will be nothing short of sublime."
Reluctantly the Captain handed his rifle off to the Seargent, and allowed
the scientist to guide him to the wall backwards. It began to glow a little brighter
less afraid of the military man. It felt warm, fleshy, and inviting as he sank into
the ships body.
The more he relaxed and his body began to go limp, the smell began turning
sweeter and more pleasant. His eyes closed as it took him into its warm squishy
embrace.

After several hours the wall expelled him back out, a look of pure contentment on
his hardened features.
"I'll be damned doc," he grinned as he searched his person for a smoke," I don't think
I have ever had anything like that before, and I have been with some highly skilled
women in my day, but wow!"
"I told you, and now you know what I do," the scientist said with a flush," Now if you
would kindly take your men and piss off, I have more research to do. Let them know
that I am just fine, and will contact them as soon as I am finished up here."

75 years later, a new research team happens upon the derelict living ship. In the first
few hours they happen upon the skeleton of woman preserved perfectly in one of the
glowing walls.
After an intense struggle with the living wall, the team gained the upper hand and
released her remains from it's fleshy confines. When they took a reading of her body,
to ascertain what had been her undoing, they found something most perplexing. For
all intents and purpose she should have been dead, but her brain was showing an
extreme amount of activity and a extreme amount of dopamine, far more than would
be physically possible along with oxytocin.
With a jolt and without any understanding the young scientists jumped back from
the skeleton when her eyes rolled back to normal position from being up inside
their sockets.
Mortified as the bony woman slowly crawled her way toward the nearest wall to her,
which began to get brighter with every painfully traveled inch. Her gaze transfixed upon
it, like a missile to a painted target. She did not register the others about her. All she cared
about was getting back into the warm fleshy walls, and the intense pleasures it could provide.
In what was left of her highly intoxicated brain, she knew of no other being that could give
her the intense stimulation that she so craved now.

 

Okay, with response to @Mckk 's suggestion, and @Cave Troll posting his own work, I've decided to put pen to paper (Although I'll actually be using my laptop) and write the scene that I'm worried about. It'll be done and posted sometime tomorrow... I hope. I think I still haven't cashed in on a workshop post that I've been sitting on anyways.

 

That's an excellent post, and you've pinpointed how details matter. And yes, a lot depends on what the things described 'mean' to the people reading about them. A person who never heard of a bra before would probably not pick up the nuances of white/red, for example.

 

Well you did kinda inspired me, which in turn inspired you, which is good.
After all I was just trying to be helpful, but I had no other way of addressing it,
so I did the next best thing and riffed something out, based upon the concept.
I wish you the best of luck with your own story, and hope it gets you back on track.
(You been hit by the micro-story bandit)

 

Okay, I've posted the chapter in the workshop.