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  1. hazed_hippie

    hazed_hippie New Member

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    i need help !!

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by hazed_hippie, Jun 21, 2016.

    i need tips, advice, suggestions, basically just sincere help for my next sentence in this story.
    This is what i have so far for my 14 chapter:
    ///Mo's POV///

    "Mo?"
    The only sounds that beat throwout this city's windy air is the subtle sound of humming from the cars that kept the midnight streets alive.

    I inhaled the sights of the illuminated city lights down below. I in-took the atmosphere of the busy city at night. The street-light people walked through the shadows; with the shadows.

    "Mo." I felt a light shove on my shoulder that broke me out of my admirable daze. My eyelids fluttered a few times to gain focus.



    -I dont know words to use to describe when someone zones and then suddenly they come back to focus...any suggestions?
     
  2. I.A. By the Barn

    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

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    Hello newcomer! I suggest you make a new member post too!
    Anyway to the matter at hand. You can describe this in several different ways, being that it is first person. Firstly, you can describe what it looks like, As my eyes broke out of the daze, fuzzy lumps of colour surrounded me but each time I blinked my sight became clearer. Alternatively, you could describe how Mo is feeling while this is happening, it can be a bit scary not being able to see clearly.
    Me, personally I wouldn't have a sentence like that in my work unless it was significant somehow. However, its your style of writing ;). I really like 'humming from the cars that kept the midnight streets alive.'
    (PS I think you mean through out rather than throwout :bigwink:)
    See you around and good luck with the rest of your book!
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2016
  3. hazed_hippie

    hazed_hippie New Member

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    Thank you thank you thank you thank you
     
    Oscar Leigh likes this.
  4. I.A. By the Barn

    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

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    Its alright!
     
    Oscar Leigh likes this.
  5. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributing Member Contributor

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    You do indeed need help if you end up in a madhouse! :D
    Anyway, came back to life or reality are phrases you could use. Or that he started out of his thoughts. Or maybe shakes himself from his daze/thoughts. There's a lot of phrases and descriptions here actually, though it's a little fiddly to do.
     

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