1. Prettyinpnk

    Prettyinpnk New Member

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    I want to turn a stupid idea into something decent

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Prettyinpnk, Jan 17, 2018.

    So, I'm really just brainstorming here, and I had this idea and want to go with it, or at least something like it. But right now it completely sucks, and I would appreciate some feedback on how to change it.

    I wanted to write a YA sci-fi novel, but that doesn't excuse the ridiculousness. The premise is that a bunch of scientists create a sentient robot that is stronger, faster, better looking and more intelligent than a regular human. She ends up killing all the scientists, except for two. The one that pretended to be dead, and the one that uploaded memoirs from assassins of years past into her brain. The robot says that there is a way to make every human like her, but before she can tell him, the remaining scientist downloads her brain into a chip and steals her away. Because he loves his work so much, and because he didn't entirely disagree with the scientist, he doesn't destroy it. Instead, he uploads her into a computer of a school one of his colleagues is principal of, where none of his enemies would think to look. A group of students who started a club come across the robot trying to communicate with them through a computer, and they think she is some girl being held prisoner by the principal, and have to crack codes and figure out passwords to try and find out where she is. Her brain is scrambled and there are parts she can't access, so when they crack codes and put in passwords, she gets more of her memories back.

    I know it's fanfiction garbage, but I wanted to see if at least some of it was salvageable. I know the school part sounds random, but I wanted the main characters to be teens in school and the whole 'trying to find the girl' thing I planned for it to tie in to the main story, but it's all still ridiculous and stupid. I wrote this to see if any of this could be made into something remotely decent.
     
  2. Kenosha Kid

    Kenosha Kid Active Member

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    That got more interesting as it went on. The start was kind of Ex Machina with a touch of Blade Runner, but I think the school computer lab idea is decent, esp for younger readers. (I'm not very au fait with YA; I did read quite a bit of YA horror in my late pre-teen years).

    Am I right in guessing that you're going to start with the kids and the robot/scientists stuff is going to be revealed gradually?
     
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  3. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

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    It really isn't that stupid of an idea. Don't be too hard on yourself. :superwink:

    I'm in the same boat as @Kenosha Kid in terms of being fairly unfamiliar with YA.

    One thing I don't understand is why the robot kills all the scientists, and then says that it knows a way to make all humans like itself. Seems kind of contradictory.

    How do the scientists obtain the memories of dead assassins? Sounds like an homage to Assassin's Creed (not that I have a problem with that).

    Who are his enemies looking for the robot, and why do they want it? What's their motivation? Why are they enemies in the first place?

    I think it actually sounds really cool. A little rough around the edges but I'm genuinely interested.
     
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  4. Lemie

    Lemie Contributor Contributor

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    It sounds really manga-esque to me.

    Though I know nothing about what works with YA, so I shouldn't give advises. If you like the idea, test it. It might end up horrible or it might end up as the next big thing in YA.
     
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  5. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

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    That reminds me.

    @Prettyinpnk When you say stuff like "I know it's fanfiction garbage" it sounds like you're worried it's unoriginal, or maybe feel guilty about drawing from an inspiration. Focus on your unique setting, as well as making your characters stand out. Make them memorable with interesting personalities. They'll need complimentary strengths that make it seem realistic that they could figure out how to solve all the puzzles.

    I guess what I'm getting at is if you're concerned about differentiating yourself from the rest, so to speak, I suggest that you try focusing on the students and make them your main ensemble (if that wasn't already your plan). Ghost in the Shell already took the route of focusing on the robot.

    Also, a sense of urgency could really help drive your plot. Maybe the robot - pretending to be a kidnapped girl or whatever - gives the kids a fake "clock is ticking" scenario; like, if the kids don't find out where she is before a certain day and time, they'll lose her for good. Or maybe there really is a timelimit, because the computers and servers are going to be wiped at the end of the semester because they're being replaced with new ones or something.

    I don't know. Not my intention to hi-jack your story. I'm simply throwing ideas at you and you can consider them and do as you please.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2018
  6. DeeDee

    DeeDee Contributor Contributor

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    It will only become "decent" after you write it :superagree::write:
     
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  7. Prettyinpnk

    Prettyinpnk New Member

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    Well, I'm glad it's at the very least interesting. And yes, the main focus is supposed to be on the kids solving this mystery.
     
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  8. Prettyinpnk

    Prettyinpnk New Member

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    I'm glad it's not that dumb. I've never been good at thinking of stories, so it's hard for me to see anything I come up with as good.

    It's okay you're not familiar with YA, I appreciate the feedback regardless. The reason it kills the scientists is because I had the idea to make one scientist (I'l call him scientist L) really arrogant, and he believes his other colleagues are beneath him. Also because he wanted to make humanity exactly like the robot, assassin brain and all, and he knew the others wouldn't approve and would try to stop him, so he had them killed.

    The memories of assassins I'm not too sure about yet. I imagine there would be diaries or memoirs recorded on the internet somewhere, but I'll have to do more research.

    The other scientist's (I'll call him scientist T) enemies are associates of scientist L, who knew what he was planning to do and agreed with his mindset. The want to be genetically and/or cybernetically enhanced, but only the robot knows how to make this happen, that's why they're trying to find it.

    Clearly I still have work to do, but I'm glad it seems at least halfway decent. Thank you so much for the feedback!
     
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