This popped up in my FB feed recently, relating to Imposter Syndrome, the "concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'". I don't know that any of us qualify as "high-achieving" writers (yet), but when I read it, I felt a lot better about my insecurities.
I think imposter syndrome has got to be related to Dunning-Kruger. If you don't feel like an imposter, you probably are.
Just got this article in my inbox - it reminded me of this thread And I love the quote: "Anytime you write something, you go through so many phases. You go through the ‘I’m a Fraud’ phase. You go through the ‘I’ll Never Finish’ phase. And every once in a while you think, ‘What if I actually have created what I set out to create, and it’s received as such?’" -- Lin-Manuel Miranda
While I am not a high profile writer, I totally get the impostor syndrome. Or something like it. I never feel like I am worth the praise I am given or worth the words people give me about my writing. I often times don't feel worth the recognition I at times get as well.
I've been through this in my professional life. I was promoted very rapidly at a very young age, so I was managing people who, just a year or two ago, had been giving me admin tasks to do. I felt like everybody was whispering behind my back, "Who does she think she is? She's not qualified for that job." From what I read, a lot of women in senior positions feel that way. I haven't felt that way about writing because I've never been put in a category of high-achieving. Like, if I was invited to speak at a writers' event and Neil Gaiman was another speaker, I would certainly think they'd made a mistake and meant to contact a totally different author.
Certainly not as a writer, but in my professional life, yes, I have occasionally felt something similar, if not exactly what Mr. Gaiman is describing. You better than anyone, Iain, know the dynamics of the job we did and the training we received. When I am amongst other interpreters I sometimes feel stymied by the fact that I can present my credentials, but a big swath of my work experience is un-talk-about-able. The other 'terps compare their little certificates and titles and it's me and Diana (who also went to DLI), just looking at each other, knowingly, our eyes acknowledging the things and the stuff about which we can never speak. We cling to each other as the only evidence of our right to be there amongst the rest.
I remember when I was in the forces (I guess Wrey and Iain will be able to associate with this) the first time I gave orders in a real scenario rather than training I felt like a total fraud... I never saw any open combat it was all what might be loosely called peace keeping, but still the whole feeling of OMG there's people shooting at us and all these guys are looking at me to tell them what do do... how the hell am I supposed to know etc ... fortunately this is why god created sergeants and corporals... also more recently I was in a meeting to discuss selecting a business tenant and i did have the feeling of hell why are they all looking at me for a decision, i'm not qualified to decide which of these people gets a chance to implement his business plan... do i look like alan sugar to you ?
I definitely have this in regards to my professional life as well. So often I feel like I'm just winging it. But then again, I've also come to the realization that most adults are, in fact, winging it, so then I feel a little better.
I once interviewed for the CIA. Full-blown Bond/Bourne division, the Clandestine Services Program, IIRC, and in the interview, some of the points of my resume were checked. "So, you were an Korean linguist in the Marines, right?" "Yes ma'am." "What did you do?" Iain's brain shifts into the script that he was given during his outbriefing. "I intercepted, transcribed, translated, and provided first-level analysis on foreign enemy radio communications, ma'am." She writes something on her notepad. "And that was against North Korea, right?" Deep breath. "Ma'am, this is going to sound really, really silly, but I don't know that you're cleared for that information..." I didn't get the job, but for other reasons. And I'm not going to confirm or deny any speculation as to which country or countries I operated against, nor, I suspect, will @Wreybies .
I would absolutely have to plead an Ollie North on that, Sir. The closest one might get me to answer is to say something oblique like "It was an ever-evolving, complex mission."
You interpreters are a hard core bunch Although I signed the OSA as a matter of course that was more to do with operational detail.... I'm perfectly at liberty to say that I spent a couple of tours trying to keep the various parties in Ulster from killing each other and also spent some time in Kosovo... I'm also at liberty to discuss what I saw out there, except that I'm not going to because a) Wrey would have to ban me for posting such things and b) it was mostly so fucking horrific that I'd rather forget. Incidentally out of curiosity why did the Marines have their own terps instead of hiring south Korean nationals to do the job ?
We were trained to treat that world like Narnia. What took place in a SCIF was taking place in a different world. When the big door closed behind you, you became a different you.
So broadly speaking without tempting you to spill any secrets you were doing sigint, rather than going out in the field and talking to people ? The only time I worked with terps was in Kosovo and that was of the sort who come with you and help you talk to the locals, they were kosovars themselves mostly, as I recall ours was an incredibly attractive language student called Magda... of course as an officer and a gentleman I kept my mind totally on the job and didn't try to get her to give me any 1-1 tuition.
Yes, sigint. The other flavor you mention is called humint, though one rarely hears that term bandied about. Sigint is a common enough term, though.
I've heard of Humint but in always took it to mean spying ... wheras the sort of thing the terps were doing with us was just helping us talk to locals ... I suppose it could be called intelligence gathering but it was mostly about collecting up body parts and working out what goes with what to make who.
Well.... Every mission is different. It all depends. And that's all I can say about that. But, I mean, you were in the service, so regardless that you and I had different jobs, one thing I am sure we share in common is that a lot of the things that made what we did in the service interesting and cool, sometimes awesome as all fuck, sometimes harrowing, are things that would get lost in translation. I loved the job. It was fascinating and I got to work with some intimidatingly intelligent people in both the USAF and the RAF (as mentioned in a different thread), with whom I have maintained contact, and consider myself so fortunate for that, but I know that if I told you, you would probably have a rather meh reaction to it. Like, "Oh, okay, I thought it would be more razzle dazzle." And it's not really worth going to Leavenworth or shacking up with Snowden for a meh reaction.
Yeah i feel you on that ... I'm sure you'd be bored witless by most of my "war stories" .... as would anyone who's not infantry. There's not much about my service that is classified so I could tell you, its just that there's not much you'd want to hear.
going back to the OP, ten years or so ago i had to give an assembly on water safety (not swimming in rivers and so on) at my old school.... walking in to the staffroom I felt like a total fraud... like what am i doing here with these teachers treating me as an equal... i ought to be waiting outside the headmasters office, or doing lines.
