To those of you who have read chapters I've posted in the workshop of Shattered Outcast, there is a particular character that people seem to dislike because the way she acts is inconsistent. That character would be Faith. I don't know if I'm allowed to link my workshop posts here so I'm not going to risk it. You can search them if you are curious and want to rip my work a new asshole. Essentially the biggest criticism of Faiths character is her parenting. She has younger brother Cassio who is about 16 years old who is also trans. There is a scene where he is picked on and bullied by a guy because he mistakenly asks this girl who he didn't know was dating this bully. They are part of a military organization Faith being a high ranking captain, finds out about this and tells her brother that he could have defended himself, and she would have helped clean up the mess and prevented him from getting in trouble. Is this realistic? Another apparent problem with her character is that she acts like a tough bitch in some situations, but is scared shitless in others (opening chapter). Wouldn't the more realistic approach to make it that way, since all humans have their inconsistencies? Or is it just the reader I need to be wary of when it comes to that because fiction is an escape. This is a big problem since I want people to like and understand Faiths character, but I seem to be alienating the people who read it. Any thoughts? I really don't know what to do.
Is she supposed to be a good parent or a lousy parent? Assuring him that if he breaks the rules she'll use her rank to get him out of it certainly sounds like a lousy parent. It also sounds like she could lose that rank, if she keeps mis-using it in this way. Lousy parents exist in fiction all the time. So I think that one issue is what you want her to seem to be.
Hmm I suppose your right on that. I suppose if I'm going to drive home the point she's a better sister than she is a parent it would make sense to paint her in that way. Plus the claim would be on the basis of self defense. She isn't saying to bully him back, but if he ever physically hurts or threatens him he should stand up for himself, and she'll deal with the consequences. I want her to come across as a middle of the road parent. Not good, but not bad either.
I think that this is going to require you to do some work on your setting. In a modern US school, "stand up for himself" physically is not acceptable--I believe the theory is that there's always an adult to protect a student, even if in reality that's not true. So if X attacks Y, and Y hits back, both X and Y are in a great deal of trouble. So how does this work in your setting? Does this school condone students engaging in spontaneous combat on school grounds? If so, that will probably require a lot of justification.
It would make the story stronger if there wasn't much Faith could do, even though she has a high rank she isn't willing to bail out her brother because they could possibly be excommunicated.
So... I'm sure my view here isn't necessarily going to be popular, but I'm going to give it anyway. Yes, she can tell him that she'll help him, because it's being a supportive sister and, quite frankly, a good mom. No, it's not okay to randomly beat the shit out of someone, but I also don't believe kids should be taught (or expected) to allow themselves to be a punching bag until some adult comes and saves their ass. I call bullshit - and I have personally called bullshit with one of those 'zero tolerance' schools when my son fought back after being hit several times and no one did a fucking thing. And no, he did not get in trouble for defending himself when I was done with the principal. If anyone thinks that makes me a bad mom - I'm totally okay with that. As to your other point of her being inconsistent - I suppose that depends on what they're relating to. If she's a badass and fearless at work, but falls apart at the thought of something happening to her brother? That's realistic. And, I know you said you have them posted, and I'm sorry I don't have time to find them just now, but I will make a point to find them tomorrow.
It's the origin chapter of how she met the main character. Essentially it's something no one has ever encountered before and it left her scared in this situation. Plus it was early in her career. She had no problem kicking a demons ass, but something like a Giant demonic fox scared the fuck out of her. And thank you, that was my origninal intention but like someone commented in my critique that it was making her a terrible parent. I think what a lot of people are having problems with are the fact she's wanting to use her rank in order to pull strings rather than just argue for his self defense case. It seems a bit sorta corrupt, but thank you. Now I know I'm going on the right path with this. Also don't apolgize for not being able to read them. I don't expect too many people to do so since a lot of people have fairly busy lives.
