Good folks, I'm not sure if I'll be able to "fit" in this forum. Social forums are usually for people who enjoy other peoples' company. That's really not me. It's nothing personal, I don't dislike people. I am just not comfortable in social settings. Social anxiety? Well, yes. I often feel guilt for not living up to peoples' expectations, or for not showing more interest in being with family (or friends). I love my family and friends but rarely feel a need for proximity. Since childhood, I've been drawn to the outdoors, especially remote wilderness settings. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting, perfectly still, absorbing the sweet solitude of seclusion. My strongest propensity has always been to "get away". When I read books they are usually about living a simple life in the wild. My favorite periodicals are Mother Earth News, Backwoods Home and the like. When I was in my twenties, my contemporaries were planning their careers. I was planning my escape. I'd often go on travel adventures by myself. I'm sure some people thought it odd but that was what I wanted/needed...to get away. Fortunately for me, I eventually met a partner who shares this proclivity for solitude and we've been happily together ever since. Maybe no man is an island, but with a loving and like-minded spouse, nearly all of your emotional needs can be met with little reliance on society. Oddly, after having been retired from the postal service for a year, I thought I missed social interaction so I took a part-time job in order to get a small dose of the old grind. But I found myself avoiding my co-workers and made it clear to my bosses that I prefer to work alone. Once my wife, Chris, retired I felt free to drop out of the rat-race. It's as good as I'd hoped it would be. Better! So...a little socialization goes a long way with me. And the holidays seem almost to "force" people together. Maybe that's why I resent that time of year. Am I a screwball? You bet! But I feel fairly self-actualized and very peaceful. I just wish I didn't have to let friends and family down by being so "distant". That's where the guilt comes in. And that's why the holidays are usually hard for me. But you know what? The holidays are quickly over. They run up, push me down, and run off laughing. I slowly get up, dust myself off and resume living my life of quiet contentment. I'm very grateful for friends and family. It's good to know I can rely on them when needed. But I'm not compelled to idle chit-chat. It brings me no pleasure. And it's not personal! It only seems that way. So I hope you folks will bear with me as I learn to give and take. I know I can learn from you and I feel honored to be among such erudite people. Wish me luck! Respectfully, Bud
Hi, Bud welcome to the group! I'm no social butterfly myself, never have been. I don't think you need to be to join in the site. Plus, you can pick and choose the conversations you want to join in on or just 'listen in'. It's kind of like being the invisible man at a party - until you talk nobody will know you're there. Also, some of the best writing help comes from just critiquing other peoples work. No conversation involved.
Thanks for the reassurance, peachalulu. I guess I hadn't thought of it that way -- an invisible man at a party. Easy! No risk, no danger = no performance anxiety. Besides, you can learn a lot more from listening than from talking. I'm sure that once I've established some comfort with the site I'll lay out some work for evaluation. Really, thank you. Peace, Bud
this isn't a 'social' forum, so you're safe, bud! the raison d'etre of the site isn't for folks to just hang out, having nothing better to do, but for those to whom writing is a desired career, or private passion, to help each other, to offer opinions on each other's work, and for beginners to learn from more seasoned practitioners... so, you can just relax, roam whither you will, and pipe up on whatever you feel like discussing, or simply 'sit and watch' the goings on... love and welcoming hugs, maia
Welcome! As someone who also fears social events, I say do your best not to worry about being here. You can come and go as you please, and there's never really any pressure to respond or partake. You can talk as little or as much as you want, or simply skim the site for a while. I hope you find what you're looking for, and a bit more.
... and I think it's also okay to just hang out -- if you find yourself not having a particularly quick-witted day -- and post a long rant to the Entertainment room about some stupid show you wasted 45 mins of your life last Sunday. Welcome to the Forum
Thanks, you guys! I feel more comfortable already. And I'm starting to get familiar with the site's geography. Wow! There's a lot going on here! A treasure trove, it is. I'm a kid in the candy store -- so much to see and do. Let the exploration begin!
Welcome to the forum, Cracker of Ribs. What a portentous handle! As you have already seen, I think many of us are more similar to you than perhaps you had expected. I have never been one to have a "social circle". The accountabilities of time and attention are more than I am willing to brunt. When I do make friends IRL, at some point there is always a conversation to the tune of, "I disappear at times. Don't be offended. I just need quiet". Please have a look through the Forum Rules, and the FAQ as a start. Have fun! Wrey
Darrel, I would love to abduct that child. He's my one and only grandchild and he brings utter joy to my life. I guess I never expected to have a grandchild so I never imagined what it might be like. But now it's starting to sink in and I'm getting very excited. I can't wait until Ian is old enough to walk and talk and I've been dreaming of the things we might do. Maybe he'll learn things from me. Maybe me from him. I'll admit that he has a boatload of toys and some are from us but I don't intend to have a colorful plastic menagerie at our house. I'd like his experience here to be more like mine was. His main toys around here will be rocks and sticks. Hey, we turned out okay, didn't we? Well, didn't we? I'll take him walking in the woods so he can learn to identify insects, trees, birds, and butterflies. We'll bring along binoculars. I'll make sure he has his own. We'll build a campfire. I'll let him light it and poke at it with a stick. We'll build birdhouses and keep track of who moves in. We'll ride our bikes to new places just to see what we can see. We'll drink from the hose. We'll shoot .22s at cans and dirt clods. We'll sing Beatles songs and play harmonicas. We'll go on picnics, set out a blanket, maybe bring a Frisbee. We'll have a secret handshake. We'll fly radio-controlled planes and once they're up three-mistakes high, I'll hand him the controls. We'll go snorkeling in local lakes to look at bass and bluegills. And we'll make gigantic ice cream sundaes. Big ones! We'll build and launch model rockets. He'll run and try to catch it We'll catch frogs and snakes, identify them with our field guides and then put them back where we found them, wishing them a good day. We'll look at the moon with a telescope and learn the names of the constellations. I'm sure we'll also build a tree house but there won't be TV, video games, or cell phones here. I'll make sure he isn't bored. Maybe we'll just lie on our backs and stare at the clouds, making up stories about what we see. Damn, the possibilities are endless. Yeah, this should be quite an adventure. I see some great things ahead. Well, actually...I dread the day he asks to borrow my car.
Hi Ribcracker. That's really touching. You sound like a great guy! And your grandson's a lucky guy! Both my granfathers died before I was born and my Dad left when I was seven so I didn't get to do any of that stuff growing up...
I'm adoptable, at any point, if you decide you need a granddaughter. Or a daughter. Or a gardener. Seriously though, that's absolutely amazing that you want to be such a big part in his life, and in such a positive way too. I wish that my grandpa would have even attempted to do half of these things with me. Instead, I remember a cigarette smoker and "You kids are too damn loud!"
When I first saw it, my first thought was that he was a physician in a trauma center. My second thought was overenthusiastic hugger.
I suppose most writers need some time alone with their thoughts every once in a while; if someone is around people all the time I don't think there would be a place for any form of creativity in that person's life. Also: your grandson is really lucky to have a grandfather like you.
Cogito, I came by the name Ribcracker in the early days of my aero-modeling hobby. We built the frames of our aircraft with thin strips of balsa called stringers and longerons, also known as "ribs". While learning to fly, many of my planes met their grim fates returning to earth at high rates of speed, sometimes leaving a smoldering crater in Terra firma. Thus the name Ribcracker. In one such incident I had spent the dark hours of winter meticulously crafting a Stevens Aeromodel Cap 232. I took my time to make sure everything was perfect. All told, I put close to a hundred hours into the build. The wind was calm the night I tightened the last screw so I walked out into the field and gently set my precious creation down on the grass, took a deep breath and advanced the throttle. It rolled out about 10 feet and nosed over. So I would have to hand launch it. I threw the plane toward the sky and cracked open the throttle. The high motor torque caused it to cork-screw toward the tree line about 20 feet to my left and I had to make a split second decision whether to kill the throttle or try to clear the trees. I made the wrong choice. Wham! Debris rained down from the trees like confetti. I'd say she was airborne maybe two seconds. One hundred hours of work. Two seconds. I never even had a chance to get a picture of this beauty. That is the downside of this hobby. Your hopes and expectations well up with such anticipation that you can barely catch your breath. And then comes the elation - or the agony. To deal with the shock I made myself numb and had a fitful night in bed. The next day I started a new build. And once again I felt the hopes and expectations welling up. TessaT, You really crack me up!
