Hi, everyone, In my story, an awkward character ran away from home and joined a group of kids that are seemingly well-acquainted with each other. This fact, along with that awkward character's troubled past/anxiety (especially over his burned/scarred face), causes for some brooding introspection. This is set against the liveliness that are the rest of my characters at Applebee's. I had a friend of mine read it to check for entertaining filler (it really is just filler, so I was nervous about writing it), and she said that everything checked out. I asked her about the introspection, and then she responded that it was too irritating when the rest of the characters are busy chilling at Applebee's. I want to fix this so that it's more bearable for my readers to read, but I don't want to get rid of the anxiety or other characteristics that make the protagonist the kind of person he is. What do you recommend? I'm attaching the chapter for you all to read and discern. Thanks in advance! P.S. If you need any more background information--especially since I'm showing you a chapter independent from the preceding chapters--I'm more than willing to provide them. P.P.S. If you see anything wrong or good or anything, really, that needs pointing out, please do so! It doesn't have to be related to my initial question at all. I want to write the best I can, and criticism will help in that respect.
