I feel I should mention here that stereotypes aren't actually a bad thing - it's all about how you use them. Stereotypes are an effective way of communicating an idea without needing to spell it out for the reader. After looking up and reading your excerpts I think the problem isn't the character himself but rather it's his voice/your writing style. It's not hard to tell it was written by a female writer. The way you express your ideas, what details you choose (not) to focus on and word choice can all effect whether your (character's) voice sounds typically more masculine or feminine.
Yeah, they're not. But It's not really fun for me when I write one. ._. Probably...I'm still developing his voice after all. Hmm. Am I really going to need to make a list of 'Words and things guys are more likely to say' Or something. D: Thank you~
Hello, I think that you could possibly make the "necklace" more masculine by mentioning the chain as a rope or a leather string, something more like a guy would wear, you know, as opposed to a delicate chain. Also the pendant could be more like an amulet if there is one on it. It could be a cross too, or some type of stone or a bone or something. Something that might have meaning or signify something. Either about the father's and Coyan's relationship, or what his father wishes him to be? I'm just throwing some ideas out there since I'm not sure if you got something specific planned for this necklace. Also, I agree with luckyme and chicagoliz, I can think of a lot of ways where he can think of himself in first person that subtly hints to him being a man. You have mentioned that he is not the typical "guy", and maybe he realizes that. So in his thoughts, maybe he can mention something like "My father always told me not to cry because men are supposed to be strong and not show any weakness" or like "It really frustrates me when someone mistakes me for a girl just because I tend to be more on the lean side with shoulder-length hair"... Hope this helps!
I don't think I described it...or did I? I was thinking that it should be a rope or something. Maybe even a dog chain with a clover engraved on it..*U* It's just a present his parents gave to him to 'remember them' I guess? Hmm, he isn't, to me anyway. But I don't think he'd want to be known as 'different'. He thinks he's normal but obviously people around him tease him about his slight 'femininity' I guess. I'm sure he knows what he's expected to be. I mean, any 16 year old realises this by now and even more so if he works in the Media from a young age xD Big brother is way obvious though lol. I mean, come on. Too bad he doesn't have long hair and he looks like a typical guy. Thank you for the ideas and views everyone n_n
I think it's much ado about nothing. It was an excerpt from a place way into the book. I could probably grab an excerpt from any published book I hadn't already read and have much the same problem - who is this person? I would hesitate to change anything as far as 'what a guy would do/say/wear/etc'. Very easy to change things that don't need changing and end up destroying your character by making him 'typical'. Nobody is typical.
This is exactly it. Its so far into the book that, if read from the start, we'd be entirely used to this character, his thoughts, and his voice. I also agree with this. Your writing style is feminine and thats what gives him more of a feminine feel, not so much his own character [although yuo may want him to]. There is nothing wrong with stereotypes, but don't think that your character has to be typical, just think about the way you write As a mn, I have trouble thinking from a girls perspective, I wrote in first person, from a females pov, but just from my writing style it could have been a boy or a girl , because she was narrating the story [failure on my part to pull my voice out].
I had the same problem. I got feedback from my writing group...and now I have him chewing. He quit two years ago but got so stressed he pulled two year old Grizzley Long Cut. I researched all the chew forums and came up w/ the most masc. name I could. Next week he may change his own oil. Who knows
I haven't had a chance to read the excerpt so take this with a grain of salt, but it has been my experience that parents don't give their male children things to wear around there necks until the first tie. Doing so has your main character's parents viewing or treating him as subtlety female. Obviously that may or may not apply the culture in your book, but it probably applies to your readers. So this to not only a mc who isn't a typical guy, but also atypical parents.
If you want to read it, it's in the writing workshop n_n Erm....Never heard of that custom in my life lol. At all. But he's 16, I'm sure he would have gotten his 'first tie' long ago? I mean, some people wear ties in primary school. Hmm, so, just because my parents buy me a PS3 game, does that mean they're treating me as a male? xD Gotta disagree with that, sorry. I think I just need to rename it as a 'chain' rather than a necklace.
What, having a cat that you're close to and crying into your pillow are girl things? My younger brother (15 years old) must be a girl then - never mind his scruffy teenage beard, sympathy for males suffering groin injuries, and attraction to girls. Seriously, people who insist that a characters has to act stereotypically male to be a guy are just being sexist. Ignore them.
I haven't read your excerpt, but it's not necessary for me to be able to answer your question. Yes, it's absolutely something you need to worry about. Unless there is some sort of androgenous or transexual sort of plot element, you surely want your readers to know whether or not your character is male or female. Seriously, think about it. How do you go about doing a character sketch? What's one of the first blanks you fill in, even if you're going to change it later? Odds are, it will be the sex of the protagonist. If your readers are unsure about that, you have some communicating to do. Archetypes can be helpful, here. I don't mean you should make your protagonist an archetypical male character. That would likely conflict with the personality you are developing for him. But, what you need to do is insert some archetypical "maleness" into this character. If you won't touch his personality, you need touch his surroundings, his sense of self and his relationships. For instance, you could describe his room with a ceiling full of airplane models he has hung up there on fishing line. He could have an old toy truck underneath his desk/bed. His boy scout ribbons and awards could be in a nice case on the wall. An old football or baseball uniform shirt could be in his closet. He could play geeky, mostly male-centric, sorts of games like Dungeons and Dragons or Magic: The Gathering. He could have a couple of cologne bottles, not perfume, on his dresser or even some after-shave that he doesn't get to use as much as he likes, since he has little reason to shave very often. Another thing you can do is describe his relationships. An archetypical boy will likely have a mentor, somewhere. Their father, a favorite uncle, a teacher, a coach, the father of one of their friends, etc.. That's typically a "guy" thing, though not exclusive. He could mention a crush on a girl and one could safely assume, depending on the genre, that without further elucidation, the reader would assume he is a boy. He could have a "best friend" he goes fishing with or plays video games with or, better yet, get into a lot of trouble with. Even responding to his own sexual urges during this difficult phase in his development is "normal" for a growing young man. Not being able to go up to the front of the class and answer the math question on the blackboard is a common problem a lot of men have experienced. I experienced it and it's very likely you know someone who has, but who has not shared it with you. If you don't know what it is, ask. I'm sure they'll be delighted to inform you. Lastly, how he views his place in his environment, his own "sense of self" is important. Truthfully, I don't know what young girls go through, but I have seen it in the movies.. Well, I've studied such things in college and the like, so I have a pretty decent idea. But, what about young boys? What do they worry about? Boys worry about their own social pecking order, just like girls. But, boys look for respect, for a sort of primal acceptance into a primative warrior culture that pits one wall of wallflowers against another at the local dance. Boys want to be seen as athletically competent or even intellectually superior, if their own athleticism is in question or their group of geeky rejects frowns on "jocks." Boys will constantly question their own standing amongst their peers unless they are hopelessly outclassed, or feel themselves that way. In that case, they'll develop their own scale and measure themselves as superior, just because they can. No, these aren't all just for young men. But, they're understood enough as being within that realm for you to use as ques for the reader. Spiders and snails and puppy-dog tails versus sugar and spice... That works. But, if your boy isn't a spider and snails type, you are going to need to do something to avoid him being mistaken for sugar and spice. Important note: I don't know how long the chapter is that you submitted. If it's only a few pages, then there may not be a real problem. However, if it's longer than that, there should have been some sort of que that the reader could have picked up on in order to determine the sex of your protagonist. Open a book of fiction to a random page and read five pages. If you can't determine what sex the characters are that are being discussed, the author likely self-published...
True, but in that excerpt, if saying 'You're going to become a big brother' doesn't tell the reader the sex then... That depends on his hobbies though xD My MC is lazy and his only hobby is modelling. I would say that he takes interest gadgets though. Lol why would have perfume xD I love the shaving idea though, considering he barely has facial hair. I can also imagine people giving him stuff like that for different occasions. Like...his leaving! Thanks for the idea. Since his parents aren't here, I would say his mentor is his close friend, 'Yaseem' to be honest. To be honest, he was quite the mother's boy for reasons that will b explored later.. Really? It could be a girlll~ But since his sex is mentioned way earlier, they can assume it's a boy. He doesn't mention a crush until a long time. My MC has had no time for girls for ages~ Again, that depends on his interests. Fishing isn't really a modern interest in teenagers xD The video games one is more realistic imo. Every teenager experiences sexual urges. I don't need to be told twice to explore that xDD haha. I'm a girl and I don't even like doing that! I hate maths lol. I think my MC is confident enough in his skill though. My MC used to at the beginning but throughout the story, he ends up not really caring any more since he becomes 'outclassed'. I think a lot of teenagers experience that, girl or boy. It depends on their personality how they react to it. If I strongly imply though the beginning chapters he's a male, then he shouldn't be mistaken me thinks xD. 'You're going to be big brother' 'big brother' LOL. T___T It was a small excerpt. But still, it worried me. Yeah, I've read books like that. As people have said, I don't think it's the character, it's how I present him through my writing style. Something I have to fix...somehow. (Where to even start?) Thank you for the indepth post though, it gave me some things to think about!
Perhaps not... If the reader has trouble discovering the sex of the character, perhaps it is because you are having issues in crafting the character? You may want the character to develop a certain way and that is in conflict with how you are actually depicting the character. It's not some Freudian thing, it's just how these things happen, sometimes. You may want to examine this a bit closer and take a good look at the sexuality of your main character. Seriously consider making him a girl, a homosexual or the like. Just think about it and read your story a bit to see if it actually reads better that way. Could he be a homosexual girl, instead? A hetero girl with questions of her own sexuality? A bisexual? The point is - Your readers had a problem defining his sexuality and they felt strongly enough about it to tell you. That may be a sign you are having an issue with this character's sexuality and it may even be better for your story to redefine that and see how things work out. Heck, you may not even have to change anything other than his name and attributions for you to experiment with the idea more fully. Just a thought.
Probably crafting...yeah. /sigh/ *thinks* It's how I'm portraying him to be honest. Why does his sexuality come into anything? That isn't going make people more likely to recognise him as a boy. It doesn't change how he acts. Changing his sexuality or gender would change the story...a lot. No thanks. Thanks for the suggestion though. No one had a problem defining his 'sexuality' because it's not mentioned in that excerpt nor does it even has any relevance to the excerpt (is he really gonna be checking out girls while his parents are leaving?) it was his gender. Coyan is straight as ruler xD. In one chapter, he clearly says 'I am not gay' and is offended when people tag him as gay. If that doesn't say enough to the reader, that's their fault. Not all feminine guys are homosexual. I'm sorry society thinks that. I don't think I'll be changing his name either.... Thanks for the food for thought, though.
As I see it, and I haven't read your submission, it's not that significant to the story because you tell me it's not and you are the author. I believe you. But, for some reason, it is significant to those who have reviewed your story and I find that as curious as you do. So, if it's "curious" and raises alarms, especially with you, then my "Hey, there's something interesting going on, here!" alarm starts to shriek and I am compelled by my internal machinery to write about it. And, if it's interesting, it just might make for a good story and adding more to it in your own story might improve it. A quick note on "...Not all feminine guys are homosexual..." That's very true. But, while the entirety of society may not think that, we all know that a great portion will. For men, it's especially true of their peers. For women who act "butch", it's also true, but to a lesser extent. Women seem to have better intuition than men when it comes down to the sexual preference of their peers. Anyway, good luck with the story! I'm intrigued and will likely try to find the submission, just in case I can be of any specific help, rather than rambling on with exclamations of "interesting" all day.
His sexuality? Well, it plays a huge part in the story since there's a love interest later... But people weren't curiosity about his sexuality...if I recall. No one even thought he was gay. They thought he was a girl. x3 Maybe...depends what's interesting ;3 Probably won't be sexuality struggles or something, since that's already covered by another character n_n Yeah, not ALL lol. I should have said that. Yes a great portion would think that, (Welp, even the characters in my story think he's gay at one point) but he clearly says he isn't and his reaction to it too. It's further shown by his love interest too. Sometimes yes...sometimes no. Sometimes we do xD Bleh, depends on the girl. I'd really appreciate if you had any other comments specific to the excerpt! Again, thank you :3
