OK, so here's the deal: My book is about a girl who has always loved school stories. She has spent her fourteen years of life moving around from place to place with her mother. She has never known her father. When her mother decides to send her off to boarding school, she - Vanna - doesn't like it, because it's not like a school story. On the train, she falls asleep and wakes up in the 1930s, on her way to a completely different boarding school. At first, she loves it there. She makes friends, gets involved in clubs, and basically lives the school story life to the full. But she can't shake off the feeling that she's being watched, or that someone is out to get her. She encounters lots of girls - teenage girls - who have streaks of grey in their hair, all in the same place. Previously, she was the only person she knew who had one. Everyone keeps talking about her mystery father. And, of course, she can't contact her mum, who's always been super-protective. So what does she do? Does she stay there, where she's happy, or go home, where she's with her beloved mother? Can she go home? The ending: Vanna's a witch. That is why she has a grey streak of hair. Another girl brought her there using a summoning spell after being bullied into it by an older girl. (These two feature heavily as one of the mysteries Vanna must solve.) She gets kidnapped by the Big Bad, a man who's been trying to get into government and wipe out all the big wizarding families - including Vanna's own. She manages to use her new-found powers to hold him off until forces arrive from the government to arrest him. Need a bit of help figuring out why they couldn't arrest him before. Once back at school, a teacher explains that that school is noted among wizards for its friendliness to witches, which is why there are so many. She also explains that Vanna's father is a famous philanthropist and time-traveller, who employed her mother as an assistant before marrying her. When Vanna was one, the Big Bad turns up to get Daddy on their side, because they need his genius, and as a safety precaution, he sent his wife and daughter back to his wife's time - our time. So Vanna actually belongs in the 1930s. So Mummy and Daddy go to live together again, Vanna stays at school but can write to them now, she has a dad, and everyone lives happily ever after. What this boils down to is: Vanna has to choose between school and her mother, with the added factor that no-one is likely to believe her if she does ask for help, so firstly, how much emphasis should I place on this choice, and secondly, is my resolution too much like having her cake and eating it, if in the end she can have both? One last thing: this book is written for kids aged 10-15, so I do want it to have a nice happy ending.
I'm having a hard time figuring out which is plot and which is backstory. Wouldn't all that explaining about the school and its attitude towards witches come before Vanna has to encounter the Big Bad? And it seems to me that her big plot choice would be about something way more important than where she stays. Wouldn't it be more like "Return to the 21st century, give up your school story obsession, live with your mum and be a normal girl" vs. "Stay in the 1930s, accept your identity as a witch, use your powers to save your newly-found dad, risk getting killed and never see your mother again"? If you've got magic involved I'd have the Big Bad's defeat come at Vanna's hand, not by way of the government police force. Not unless she's able to strip him of his magic somehow so he's reduced to a wimp of an ordinary citizen and the bobbies can safely take him in. If you want a happy ending for your young audience (and yeah, that's a good idea), figure out a way that the whole family can be reunited, either in the 1930s or in the present day. But I can't say I'd be impressed if the main issue is only whether she gets to stay at that cool school. In the end that seems merely childish, especially since we all have to graduate sometime. And shouldn't this be about her growing up and valuing something beyond the World According to Enid Blyton?
One thing I forgot to mention is this: the Big Bad has managed to track them down in the present day, meaning that they keep moving house, the mother knowing that it's only a matter of time before they're found again. Vanna has no idea why they're moving. So she's still at risk in the 21st century. They want to brainwash her because she's likely to be as powerful as her father. Another thing I should have made clearer is that her father and her magic aren't factors in her decision. Her being a witch comes as the Big Reveal, and her father is essentially the reward, after having been the focus of one mystery in the book. I had an idea for the ending: I already had one girl revealing that she's a witch during an argument, marking the beginning of the climax, then I thought that Vanna could run off to process this in peace, thus walking right into a trap. After all the fighting's done, a teacher gives a more reasoned explanation, answering questions, etc. This is while her father, upon realising Vanna is his long-lost daughter, goes to fetch her distraught mother and bring her back to the 1930s to go and visit Vanna. I didn't think that Vanna finishing off the Big Bad herself would be realistic: if the government couldn't catch him in twenty years, why would a fifteen-year-old girl who's never cast a spell in her life be able to do it? One last thing: after a discussion with my mother, we realised that her telling a teacher that she was from the 21st century would probably result in her friends thinking that she was doing it for attention and no longer wanting to be friends, or at the more extreme end, she may be put into mental health care - and in the 1930s, that wasn't a pretty picture. Besides this, she doesn't know that there's anything anyone can do. In addition, the school is more permanent than any of her addresses, so she can settle in and take up hobbies and make friends, without the knowledge that she'll be leaving it all behind in a couple of months. Vanna's been a very lonely girl; it's important for her to feel a part of something at last.
I like your plot it would be decent for the age group your aiming for but it would be better if she was the one to take his powers away you don't even have to make it permenant just have her dad teach her a simple neutralising spell or give her a protective magic amulet or necklace which she could use to defeat/ defend herself with it against the big bad, have the bad guy hard to capture because he good at hiding out but your main character is to hard to resist going after and that helps explain him getting caught, if he hadn't gone after the girl he would still be free. hope I helped
I'd say you should place a lot of emphasis on the choice, since it sounds like "family and friends" a central theme of your story. I'm having difficulty understanding the choice. Is it School (where she has a bunch of friends, lives in the '30s and can write to her family) or her mother and "new" father (who love her very much, is in the future and can write to her friends)?
Thank you both. Jane, thanks. You've helped me work out why he couldn't be arrested, but her dad can't teach her anything to help as she doesn't meet him until after the Big Bad has been caught. After she realises that she is a witch, it all happens too quickly for anyone to teach her anything. I had the idea that, when she is taken to their headquarters, she could find a spell book and use the time until she has regained enough strength from the potion she has been sedated with to memorise a spell or two. Alex, the choice is essentially this: she can stay at school (fulfilling a dream, with friends, hobbies, etc., it's more permanent than any of her residences, and she feels like she belongs rather than thinking "don't get too involved, you'll be gone in a couple of months", and the possibility of finding out about her father, and possibly why she's had to move so much), or she can go home to her mother (more constant moving house, having no friends or clubs, constantly stressed and kind of lonely, and also she isn't likely to be believed if she does tell someone - imagine if you were a teacher at a boarding school and suddenly someone said she was from eighty years into the future, you'd think she was lying, and then, as she continued to insist, may have concerns for her mental health.) Basically, she can live the life she wants, or she can be with the only person she's known for more than a few months, who loves her very much. She feels shallow for wanting to stay in the '30s, but also doesn't feel she has a choice. Until the whole family is reunited in the '30s at the end, she can't get a letter to her mother.
Ah! Okay, I see the choice now. That's a good choice, young adults about to rebel against their parents... very compelling, I know you can do it well. The way to avoid the titular question - Is my ending a cop out? - I can see how you're concerned, but I'm happy to say that you definitely are not coping out. As long as it's foreshadowed properly, and not a deus ex machina. Perhaps the readers put together your ideal ending before you reveal it? Seeding that Dad can time travel with Mom back to the past (or something) early on would help sell the idea.
I wouldn't call it so much a rebellion. It's more sort of a girl delighted to escape from her constantly stressful life and realise her dearest fantasy, with the added possibility of getting some answers, but also feeling guilty for not doing everything she can to get back to her mother, who she misses terribly and is probably worried sick, but also isn't sure if there's anything she can do. Vanna's really not the rebellious type. Another thing I forgot to mention is that it's written in first person, from Vanna's perspective, so it's hard to put in hints because she knows pretty much nothing: she doesn't know she's a witch, she doesn't know who her father is, she doesn't even know witches exist, she doesn't know how she got to the school or who brought her, or anything else. She has quite a lot of mysteries to solve. Since her father's pretty famous, and their surname isn't very common, the witches among her friends could mention him from time to time "Oh, you could ask your father about Roman feasts. (Or some other detail of life in a different time.) I'm sure he'd know." BRAINWAVE! He's written books about different periods of time in a travel-guide kind of way. Perhaps the school library would have some which Vanna, an avid reader, could stumble upon. I just need help thinking of hints that I could put in. I'm very bad at hints. Thanks for all your help, by the way.
You could have Vanna see or hear things, to which she shakes off thinking she's losing her mind a little? (I'm sure that could happen around a time where you're about to find out that you're a witch) That could be the easiest solution. After the Big Bad has been caught, what would be stopping Vanna and her father from going back to the present day to live with her mother? With the Big Bad being caught they could live in the present day without having to move constantly. She'd be free to live her school life in the present day.
Why not let this be the beginning of her adventure? I can suggest two endings: 1) Her father comes to her and he is with her mother. He decides that the only true way to protect his family is for them to join him in his adventures. 2) Her father is missing and neither the school nor the government will let her go. Then, her mother shows up. Turns out, she is with some rival time agency or something. She is disobeying orders by revealing her identity and coming to get Vanna. When Vanna asks what will they do now, the mother replies:"We going to get your father." Godspeed!
Could Big Bad be rich? Or could he have the legal system/government bribed or blackmailed? He could have a powerful judge or politician in his back pocket somehow. If the government simply couldn't catch him, then Big Bad might be able to have spells against the government where he could easily go by unseen. Or he could have a friend in the government tipping him off. How could a fifteen-year-old hold off or stop Big Bad when the government couldn't? Surprise, as he didn't know she had powers. Big Bad may not have known and been taken by surprise when he was at his most arrogant. Or the girl could have her friends help her defeat him. If the government isn't magical, then that would be a big factor on why they couldn't catch him. On your ending, it's up to you as you need to think of what kind of ending you want. Do you want a feel good, everyone wins ending? Or do you want something more emotional or ambiguous? Remember your target age and maybe research how other books similar to yours end that are marketed to that age group. Maybe put your own twist on whatever ending you come across to make it memorable. The way you describe ending would be enjoyable for the younger ages as they tend to like the happily ever after type endings. Good luck!
Thank you, all three of you! This thread is getting so many lovely replies! Joe, you've been a great help. Vanna can't shake off the feeling that she's being watched, and also the feeling that there's something mysterious about the school, so thinking she's losing her mind would fit in nicely with the air of the story. What sort of "things" did you have in mind? There is, of course, no reason why she and her family couldn't go back to the present day, but Vanna is happy at the school. Her father has more of a life in the 1930s than her mother does in the present day. They can all go and live together in the lovely house that they all lived in before Vanna and her mother had to escape, and Vanna can stay with her friends. In short, it's just that they consider themselves to belong more in the 1930s. Stormburn, thanks for your suggestions. When you say "why not let this be the beginning of her adventure", what do you mean by "this"? As for the endings, thank you for your consideration, but I already have an ending, I'm just trying to make it work. I think the question now is what hints to drop so that it's not a deus ex machina. Thanks anyway! Thanks also, Sigma. Bribery is a good idea, I'll use that. Only one official, though, I don't want the whole government to be corrupt as they're supposed to be good guys. This is the wizards' government, by the way. Spells are also a good idea. He does know she has powers, though. Her father was a powerful wizard, so she's likely to have inherited his potency - which is why he was chasing her in the first place. I did have the idea of her friends helping her, but dropped it. I'll bring it back, I can see one character using magic to track her and taking a few girls to help. Thanks. And yes, I do want a triumphant, everyone wins ending. Sorry if it feels like I'm telling you all you're wrong, but it's just what I do to hammer out a book for myself. Thanks again.
Why not let this be book 1 in a series of books. Your characters and concepts seem to take you and the reader beyond just that first story. Godspeed!
The most basic of things would be to have her constantly see someone, when she goes back for a second look they've vanished (Perhaps her father, or maybe some of the fellow student witches). Maybe she stumbles upon a number of books, or travel logs as you said, a day later she may go back to the library only for the books to be gone. That would leave her to wonder was she really seeing somebody, did she really find the books or was she imagining it all.
Ah, yes! That's a good idea! I actually did have the vanishing person thing with one of the Big Bad's henchmen, I'll revive that. Another thing could be to have her see someone performing magic - a door opening in front of a member of domestic staff holding a full laundry basket, for example. I also had the idea of having her stumble upon an attic full of witch-type stuff, including some portraits - she could find someone whose date of death was before their date of birth, suggesting another time traveller. (1836-1405, for example.) Thanks all of you. Thanks for the idea, Stormburn, but I've already got a series on the go, and I don't think this will work as well without the mystery. I find, whenever a character's trying to solve some personal mystery and then there's a sequel, it always seems a bit tacked on, rather than a natural continuation of the story. Hope that makes sense.
